Allotments 4 All

Spare the jokes, it's on it's way!   :)

CLUE:

............. and the Wheelies.  Nearly.   ;)

I'll name that programme in 1, showing my age, used to love the witch, 'little old lady'

QuoteSpare the jokes, it's on it's way!

Oh go on then. But dont relax too much....I'll be back ;D ;D ;D

cj :)

Day 67.

Well, the parcel didnt arrive today :'(

Soooooooo, we all need a joke to cheer us up ;D

THE KLOPMAN DIAMOND

A businessman boarded a plane to find, sitting next to him, an elegant woman wearing the largest, most stunning diamond ring he had ever seen. He asked her about it.

"This is the Klopman diamond," she said. "It is beautiful, but there is a terrible curse that goes with it."

"What's the curse?" the man asked.



"Mr. Klopman."

cj :)

Day 68.

Well done for being so patient, all you people still to get a go of the parcel ;D

No news , so I am sorry but I have to do it. It's the rules ::)

A wealthy man came home from a gambling trip and told his wife that he had lost their entire fortune and that they'd have to drastically alter their life-style.

"If you'll just learn to cook," he said, "we can fire the chef."

"Okay," she said. "And if you learn how to make love, we can fire the gardener."

cj :)

Day 69.

Oh good, I get another chance to drive you all mad ;D

Help Wanted

A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: "HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."

A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.

Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he lead him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager.

The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type." The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign says you have to be good with a computer."

The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to demonstrate his expertise with various programs and produced a sample spreadsheet and database and presented them to the manager. By this time the manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog and said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I *still* can't give you the job."

The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager said, "Yes, but the sign *also* says that you have to be bilingual."

The dog looked at him straight in the face and said, "Meow."

cj :)

 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Day 70.

No news again!!!At this rate, the parcel may be on it's way for 100 days!!

I'll get straight to the point.......

Have you heard of the garlic diet?
You don't lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner.


cj :)

Day 71.

;D ;D ;D ;D ;D Whoopee! Parcel news ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Parcel has arrived and will soon be winging its way to the next recipient ;D

Here's a clue........solve the anagram

dan belt us

Have fun!

cj :)

Day 72.

Come on! Somebody have a guess at the anagram ;D

Heeeeeeeeeere's the joke ;D ;D

Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"

The policeman said, "What's he like?"

Little Johnny replied, "Beer and women!"

cj :)

Oh, OK.......Dunstable? 

(promise I didn't peek at the list!)   ;D

ohhhhhhhhh... well that could be one of two of us :)

Cant wait if its me :D

Been loving the jokes along the way :D

Does your house have something in common with an octagon or octopus? ::)

If so, it could be you ;D ;D ;D

cj :)

gosh, that really threw me there lol.

It must be late lol.

Yes it must be me :D :D :D

Day 73.

Springbokgirlie, I take it the postie didnt get it to you today :( If he tries getting away with it again tomorrow, rugby tackle him!!!! ;D ;D ;D

You can blame him for this next joke (parcel related ;D)......

A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a Xmas fancy dress party. He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem.



A few days later he receives a parcel with a note:



Dear Sir,

Please find enclosed a Pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a Pirate.



The man is offended that the outfit emphasizes his disability, so he writes a letter of complaint. A week passes and he receives another parcel and note:



Dear Sir,

Sorry about the previous parcel. Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part.



The man is really incandescent with rage now, because the company has gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to drawing attention to his bald head. So he writes a really strong letter of complaint. A few days later he gets a very small parcel from the company with the accompanying letter:



Dear Sir,

Please find enclosed a tin of Golden Syrup.

We suggest you pour the tin of Golden Syrup over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your **** and go as a toffee apple.

cj :)

boo hoo, no parcel today :( :'( :'( :'(

Day 74.

I reckon the postie has heard about the parcel, and has borrowed it for a sneaky swap of his own ;D

Anyway, whatever the reason, I have to carry out my duty.............

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink.

She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair
sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of
your hairs white, Mom?'


Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and
make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.'


The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then
said, 'Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'

Till tomorrow ;D ;D ;D

cj :)

I gotta remember that one.....................................oh great teller of ye olde jokes!!!

You do realise that no one will ever take me seriously again ::) ;D ;D ;D

This parcel taking so long has completely ruined my reputation as a sober, upstanding member of A4A ;D

Come to think of it, I dont think I ever was thought of as a sober, upstanding member of A4A :-\

Anyone know of any jester jobs going :-*

cj :)

I'm not in the parcel swap but what does sober and upstanding mean? Hic...
::)