Sobering thought

[Mrs Ava]

Had some news yesterday, a dear family friend who has been battling cancer now for two years has finally been told that there is nothing more that can be done and the doctors have said she has two months left at the most.  She is weak and constantly on pain killers.  Her body has stopped working properly, things are shutting down.  She is still very positive, but what else can she be.

Crap news, and made me think as I sat looking at my seed packets this morning, in two months time, July, when the sun is out and we are harvesting our first summer crops, Sally will die.  I am so, so sad.

[Mrs Ava]

[tim]

If she's 'a dear friend', she's obviously got a lot of support?

[Mrs Ava]

She is a dear friend, only in her early 40's.  Her mum and dad are dead, and her siblings are finding it incredibly hard to be with her because of the pain.  Her husband is in complete denial.  They have no children, and they have very few friends locally as everyone moved.  However mum is nearby and mum has been with her since the start.  Sally hopes to move into the little hospice close to mum in the next day or so, if she is strong enough, then mum can be with her every day.

I don't feel sorry for me, I ache inside for her.  I ache for that friendly smile who used to serve me behind the counter at woolies, that friend who took me on the HMS Belfast when I was no more than 10.  I know it comes to us all in one was or another, nothing you can do about it, but so much pain for one still so young...... :'(

[Curryandchips]

Sad news indeed. I like to think that this forum is able to be part of that support network that we all rely on during difficult times.

My wife is a palliative care nurse, and ensures that everyone in her care is given dignity and happy memories, and lots of smiles.

You have my deepest sympathies.

[Meg]

How devastating for you all. Kind of lost for words as anything sounds trite when you have to face up to these things. Lots of love to you all.

[lorna]

EJ. My thoughts are with you. I can begin to imagine what you are going through. Three years ago we lost a great niece who had battled for seven years she was only 35. This was down to her Doctors neglect. Lisa was such a positive person and raised lots of money for the cancer charity.
Thank goodness your friend has support from all who know her.
Love to you all.
Lorna

[Jesse]

That's very sad news EJ, the only thing you can do is to be there for her and offer whatever support you can.

[busy_lizzie]

I have pm'd EJ, -  such sad news for you!  :( busy_lizzie

[tabbycat]

EJ - I can only echo what Lorna says - my thoughts are with you too. Just about one the worst things that can happen in life is to lose someone you love too early. I lost the first "love of my life" to terminal illness 11 years ago. He was already ill when we met & we were only allowed five years together. His family were in denial as well and that was very difficult to deal with. By the time they reconciled themselves, it was too late.

All you can do is be there, for your friend and for her family. When the time is right they will need someone to talk to about their memories of her. Make sure you have some-one to talk to as well - it does no good to bottle it all up.

love and blessings to both you & sally

Tabbycat

[Mimi]

Such sad news for you Emma.  There is not a lot that folk can say to make the pain easier, just that we are thinking of you.  Makes you realise how short our time is and just how fragile we are.  It must be a great comfort to your friend to have such good  folk near.

[RSJK]

EJ my heart crys for you, hate to here of anyone with that terrable illness and, after losing my brother in law and a very kind uncle and auntie last year through cancer I know what you must be going through.

[Hyacinth]

It's so sad, Ej and with a husband in denial and sibling feeling 'their own' pain(?) I'm so pleased to read that she has you and your mum to be there for her for however long it takes.

Lishka

[slippy fly]

:'( So terribly sad.Nothing more I can say except it shows how frail life can be.Make sure you enjoy each and everyday.

[MollyBloom]

EJ, I'm so sorry. At times like this, I wish I knew some magic sentence I could say which would make it all OK, but I've been bereaved enough times now to know that it's all a part of life which we can do nothing about. I know that's no help in facing all that suffering, but I hope your friend can somehow "make the most of what she yet may spend..."

[Svea]

dying is hard work!

i wish you, your mum and sally much courage and patience and laughter during this difficult time.

*hugs*

[aquilegia]

Emma that is really sad. I am choking back tears myself typing this.

Sally will always be with you. You will always have your memories of your time together. She will always be smiling at you.

hugs to you, Sally and your mum. Echo what Svea says.

[ruud]

E.j,sorry to read all this misery,but i will give you one advice spend so much time you are able to spend with her,i couldnot when a friend of mine died,now it is to late and i am walking around with one question,why did i had it to busy to spent at that time the time that was left with him.That is a stone on my back who i am carry all the rest of my life.I cansay you dont want the same luckage,so take that chance and spent the time you have got with her,many hugs and be brave,ruud.

[MrsKP]

so sorry to hear your sad news EJ.  we all take life for granted and far too seriously most of the time. 

mum told me a tragic story the other day of "the boy across the road" when we were kids, he's only just got his two year old after waiting many years to find "the right girl" and mum doubt's that he'll make his own wedding this friday as he's so ill.

there's so much sadness that we have to enjoy the good times while we can.

so enjoy your friend while you can and she's in all our thoughts.

[ellkebe]

Ej - I've only just read your post  and wanted to echo Ruud's thoughts.   A family friend (in her later years though, not her 40s) was diagnosed with cancer when I was in my twenties.  I had really fond memories of her kindness and playfulness when I was just a child, and I kept meaning to go back home and see her, but there was always something or another going on - then within a matter of a few weeks my mother phoned to say that she had died.  I felt so bad that I hadn't seen her to say a final thank you and good bye.  I learned that you have to say it, and show it, while you can.

Chin up - and give her all the laughs you can.

[Tulipa]

EJ, you and your Mum are lucky to have the time to say goodbye too.  It seems hard now but you will be glad to have spent time with Sally.  Your Mum will need support too.  My Dad had only a month from when he found he had cancer and the hardest thing was telling his friends he had gone and them being upset at not saying goodbye, men crying down the phone, it was so sad for them.

One of the amazing things about A4all is the support here, so you know you can always come on here and chat to us.  It seems from this thread many of us have been through similar experiences and can help.

Would she be able to eat some of your lovely soups when she is feeling poorly?  It would be an easy but comforting way of helping.  Look after yourself too, it is important when you are looking after other people.

Take care, thinking of you.