ANGRY

[Margaret]

 I know in the light of what has happened in London this is not the most serious of things but i am still upset.My 15 year old nephew,Mark,a quiet and shy lad,who thinks more than he speaks,has been bullied on and off for some time.Recently he was tormented in a lesson at school but when he summoned up the courage to tell the teacher,nothing was done and as usual it was dismissed as unimportant.

Last Friday he was just walking across the playing field when his tormentor came up behind him,grabbed his arm,twisted it behind his back and threw him to the ground.Being hard with the dry weather he went down with quite a bang and then screamed in agony.Luckily a mate saw it happen and ran for a teacher,who came to see what had happened.He was in such agony she called an ambulance and when he got to hospital and had it xrayed,they discovered his right upper arm was fractured.No wonder it hurt.He had to have an emergency operation to have it fixed and stayed in hospital for 24 hours ,on morphine,until the pain subsided.

He finds it difficult at times to do school work but had been really looking forward to work experience,starting yesterday, at a graphic design shop which is what he wants to get into.At that he is quite talented.Now of course he cannot go and is inconsolable.

I despair at times.Why cannot bullies be stopped? I hope the very least they do now is to expel him,though i bet they won't.My sister and her husband are seriously considering going to the police,as Mark's friend is prepared to be a witness.

What would you do?

[Margaret]

[redimp]

A broken arm should attract a GBH charge which has a max sentence of 10 years.  Make sure that the police pursue the matter.

[Twospot Ladybird]

I'll second that. It's assault at the very least.

[Yellow Petals]

Yep, I third that.  Go and talk to the police.  It's a serious matter.

[rosebud]

Yes you must go to the police ,if the school is slow to act then you must report it
it is an assault after all.
I do wish your nephew well,and perhaps he could go along to the place he was going to do work experience and explain and tell them he is interested,maybe they could offer him an odd hour here and there after school,it is worth a try.

[Palustris]

Definitely a Police job. If the school will not act then you could also inform the governors that you intend pursuing a civil case against the school. That'll get them worried!

[lottie187]

Oh Margaret, you'e poor nephew! Have similar problem I'm trying to sort out. Thought nowhere near as bad.  Same as you, the school has its head burried in sand. Have made official complaints, gone to governors, at a loss. And this primary school, and my son is 7.  My daughter is in secondary school and they're excellent.  Best wishes to you and your family and I hope you have more success than me!! Lottie

[lorna]

Margaret so sorry to hear of your nephews trouble. To say I would be angry is an understatement. As others have said this must be followed up and the school should play their part.. In my opinion it is time for these incidents to be handled with strong measures regardless of age. Love to your nephew. Lorna.

[Gadfium]

Police.

You might also tell the police that you attempted to get the school to address the situation... and that they did nothing. Get the time(s) and date(s) and teacher(s) names noted, before you go. Plus any correspondence.

And formally tell Schools' Governors. And the Head. Especially if they were initially your ports of call to try and get the bullying stopped.

I know two people, locally, whose children were bullied, different schools, separate incidents. They both tried to get the schools to react. They both failed. They both took it up to the Heads' of the schools. They both failed to get anything except lip-service. Despite all the laudable statements bandied about Bullying Policies.

The unilateral situation appears to be one of politically appropriate words, but nil action.

The schools don't want to 'exclude' the bullies, because it makes their figures look bad; they don't act against the bullies because they may 'harm the rights of the child involved' (!)... in other words s/he's perfectly entitled to keep on bullying, because taking a forceful stance may hurt the poor mite's psyche.

I kid you not.

Meanwhile, as the inaction continues, the person being bullied gets increasingly damaged, be it mentally or physically scarred... or both. And the damage can get carted around for life.

At the very least, what happened is a police matter. A minimum charge of assault. Possibly more. It was a deliberate, pre-meditated act. No-one can quibble with witness statements and a broken arm.

Time to make a stand?

If you want to get your specific County's official policy on bullying, then ring them up (not the school) and get it sent to you. Read the fine words, and compare it to the utter lack of action.

You are not alone. It's happening day in, day out, up and down the country.

It was better handled in the era of 20-30 years ago... once the school decided to act, they just 'sorted it' swiftly e.g. minor incident = 'the belt' & suspension; major incident = headmaster just called the police, plus subsequent explusion.

[adam04]

plice for assault and a think its worth a claim aswell.  especially after surgery, the bully should pay.

[Robert_Brenchley]

Definitely go to the police, and insist on meeting the head and asking what the school's policy on bull;ying is, and what they intend to do about it. I worked, briefly, in a school where staff were assaulted regularly.When I was knocked unconscious in the middle of a lesson by a door kicked into my head, I had no hesitation in reporting it to the police. You should also apply to CICA (https://www.cica.gov.uk/) for compensation for him. This is conditional on cooperating with the police.

[Heldi]

Yes get the police involved. The school has let your nephew down badly and his parents, because they have failed to look after their son whilst under their care.

I wonder if the graphic design shop heard about what has happened to your nephew, they would maybe contact him and offer him another placement? I would give it a go, they might give him a boost when he most could do with one.

[Doris_Pinks]

Margaret, don't start me off!!
Have a beautiful (of course I would say that!) daughter that is considered by most of her peers as nerdy, she loves helping in the library, is a computer lover, reads constantly,  and helps with the little rainbows, so spends her off times in all places, she is also slightly overweight, and so has had a barrage of abuse for the pastgoodness knows how many years!
It came to a head last year when she got antiperspirant sprayed in her eyes.
I called the school and I have to say they were right on the ball, they called the lad in and gave him a right rollicking, she insisted that I did not storm up the school, cos that would have been so embarrassing for her!
So we went the school route, and he has still been giving her hassle, but for the first time ever in her life, I have given her "permission" to deck the little creep, being bigger than him, she has taken it to heart, and he no longer seems to be bothering her as much.
But so much for bringing up my kids to be pacifists.  :'(
I agonise for your nephew, having seen close hand how it destroys the self esteem , it makes me so sad.
But unfortunately I really think it has to come from the child to a degree and not the parents, if I had intervened, my daughter would have been in a worse state, "oh Mummy has to fight your battles" etc, but then she was 14 when it really came to a head.
The school really has to take charge, and decide if they want these sensitive high achievers, or the idiots that cause the ruckus in the first place. DP

[Yellow Petals]

Once you have spoken to the police and politely informed the school of having done so, make a call to the local paper and get some coverage.  The perpetrator obviously will not be able to be named, but the school and it's head will be. 

[Derek]

Verbal conversations in situations like this should always be confirmed in writing.

The spoken word can always be denied and it becomes a case of who is believed. The written word is taking the matter a stage further putting the conversation on an 'official' level and it becomes evidence.

In a recent issue of bullying at a school concerning a member of my family (in this case an adult being bullied by a head) the 'letter' that we subsequently wrote detailing events and conversations took the matter to a higher level and suddenly it was resolved... you could say a bit of panic set in.

Hope this helps

Derek

[Bionic Wellies]

If you were walking dow the street and someone did that to you the police would be involved immediately.   There is only one sensible thing to do and that is to involve the police - it'll never stop otherwise.


When I was 11, I was the smallest boy in the class and I was bullied by a couple of kids from another class - it was a miserable time.  It's not that I couldn't fight back (I was as good/bad as all the others and held my own) but it was the incessant niggling, taunting, prodding, poking, sly kicks etc that get you down.
My dad decided that since the school was useless at controlling this I would take Judo lessons.  This was a major turning point - it doesn't make you violent (but others don't know that) in fact it should help you to control yourself better; but it does give you a confidence that is obvious to people who want to bully you - because you know that you are able to bounce them off the floor/wall with relative ease - even after very few lessons - and they can see that in your posture and attitude.  I seldom had to use the Judo but the bullying stopped quite soon after I started the lessons.
Incidentally, those lessons have served me well even in my adult life because I never really grew that much (except outwards).  :)

[Bagpuss74]

What a terrible incident Margeret - I do hope the young lad makes a full recovery.

WRT the work experience, I would certainly contact the graphic designers and try to set something up towards the end of the summer break or during another holiday. The benefits to young people of work experience are almost entirely positive where the young person is keen to attend the placement in the first place.

I would certainly contact the police and persue the matter but would also make a formal complaint to the school.  The best form of approach is to present the facts as you see them to the head, chair of governors and LEA governors and demand a responce.  The school is duty bound to set up an enquiry and by informing the LEA you will ensure that due process is followed to the letter.

I'm quite a senior manager in education so am speaking here from experience.  It shocks me to note that in this day and age bullying is still allowed to continue.  I have sat on several panels set up to investigate allegations of bullying and can say that everywhere I have worked have dealt with the problems sympathetically, promptly and appropriately.  Measures taken have included chairing meetings with both pupils involved and parents to explain the damage bullying does - this works well where the bully has a conscience, to ensuring pupils have little or no opportunity to meet during the day right up to permanent exclusion (expelling).

My previous place of work actively encouraged involving the police especially where there was physical or evidence of mental harm being done, or where school measures failed to address the bullying.

I hope that there is a positive outcome to all of this but in the meantime it's worth noting that your nephew has come through a harrowing experience - the operative words being "come through".  Help him to draw on his inner strengths and keep reminding him how brave he is being in coping with it all.

BW.

[Justy]

I know in the light of what has happened in London this is not the most serious of things

I think especially in the light of what has happened recently this is important.   It is just indicative of the serious problems facing this country - children raping, murdering, drinking assaulting adults and other children.  There is a fundamental lack of respect and discipline that is corrupting this country and it has nothing to do with race, class or religion.  Children are growing up knowing exactly what 'their rights' are and how to get as much as possible for nothing and yet know nothing about human compassion and what is right and wrong. 

I hope that your nephew can come out of this with his spirit intact and goes on to be a fantastic graphic designer. 

Throw the book at the bullies.

[Robert_Brenchley]

And don't forget to apply for compensation. It takes months, but it's a government scheme, and if you've reported it, you should be entitled.

[spacehopper]

I know in the light of what has happened in London this is not the most serious of things

I think especially in the light of what has happened recently this is important.   It is just indicative of the serious problems facing this country - children raping, murdering, drinking assaulting adults and other children.  There is a fundamental lack of respect and discipline that is corrupting this country and it has nothing to do with race, class or religion.  Children are growing up knowing exactly what 'their rights' are and how to get as much as possible for nothing and yet know nothing about human compassion and what is right and wrong. 

I hope that your nephew can come out of this with his spirit intact and goes on to be a fantastic graphic designer. 

Throw the book at the bullies.

Absolutely right. It's yet another case of a total lack of respect for other people and their wellbeing. There is a fundamental problem and this type of incident is the start of it. I hope your nephew recovers physically and emotionally. I'd be interested to hear how this develops.