Allotments 4 All

Day 56.

At last! Phew ::)

It is really good news that it has arrived ;D

Soooooo, day off the jokes today. BUT........I'll be back tomorrow, mwa ha ha ;D ;D ;D

cj :)

Day 57.

I think a clue is in order ;D

The parcel is off to 'The Tarn' next. This place was mentioned briefly in 'The road to Wiggan pier'.

Come on Star, I know you can get it ;D ;D ;D

cj :)

Oh, I almost forgot (and if you believe that, you will believe anything ;D ;D ;D)

   A kindergarten teacher was walking around observing her classroom of children while they were drawing pictures. As she got to one girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
      The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
      The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
      Without looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

Thank you for your confidence in me Caroline, but I do think I ought to give someone else a chance :-\.

Its not fair that I hog the limelight. Its not that I dont know the answer or anything ::) 8) :D

Love the joke..... ;D ;D ;D ;D

Day 58.

Star, your modesty overwhelms me ;D

Here we go again......

A little boy had just got home from Sunday School and mom was cooking lunch. "Mommy, is it true that before you're born you're just dust and after you die you go back to being dust?"
       
      "That's right son, why?"
       
      "Well that's just what they said at church today."
       
      "Run up stairs and wash your hands son, lunch will be ready in a few minutes."
       
      About 10 minutes went by and she called out for him to come down. "I'll be there in a minute." As they were about to sit down at the table, the little boy asked again about being dust before being born and after you die. Once again mother said yes son.
       
      The little boy looked at her and said, then you better get up to my room pretty quick, because something under my bed is either coming or going!!

cj :)

Day 59.

No news (as expected on a bank holiday ;D), so I think I will treat you all to a nice little joke ::)

A teacher asked the children in her Sunday School class, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would I get into heaven?"
       
      "NO!" the children all answered.
       
      "If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would I get into heaven?"
       
      Again, the answer was "NO!"
       
      "Well," she continued, "then how can I get to heaven?"
       
      In the back of the room, a five-year-old boy shouted out, "You gotta be dead!"

cj :)

Love that joke caroline ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Debbie

Day 60.

Thanks debjay ;D

Well no parcel, and no guesses at the clue. I will give you a clue to the forum name of the next recipient.........

This mans mates drink far too much for my liking ::)

Todays groan....I mean joke!

An attendant on a cross-country flight nervously announced: "I don't know how this happened, but we have 103 passengers aboard and only 40 dinners."
       
When the passengers' muttering had died down, she continued, "Anyone who is kind enough to give up his meal so someone else can eat will receive free drinks for the length of the flight."
       
Her next announcement came an hour later.
       
"If anyone wants to change his mind, we still have 29 dinners available!"

cj :)

Day 61.

No news is baaaad news!!!! Here's another joke.

Lipstick at School   

According to a news report, a certain private school  recently was faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.
That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.


cj :)

Is it Baaaa?

Sorry Star, I am completely confused now.  ??? Is what 'baaa'?

cj :)

Have you seen how many times this thread has been read ? I think you have a following CJ

Day 62.

QuoteHave you seen how many times this thread has been read ?

Must be all the tension generated by the saga of 'will it or wont it arrive today'. Better than Eastenders ;D ;D ;D

I think I have excelled myself tonight. This has got to be the corniest joke yet ::)

A man went to visit his doctor. "Doctor, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please?" the man pleads.

The doctor rolls up the man's sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk. "Hello Doctor," says the arm. "Could you lend me twenty pounds please? I'm desperate."

The doctor says, "Aha! I see the problem.

Your arm is broke!"

I can hear the groans from here ;D ;D ;D

cj :)

I have got a joke,maybe a little tricky in telling him but i can always give my 10 year old son the blame because he told him too me  after supper today.Here we go; a dutchman,a belgian and a homosexuel are standing before petrus on the gate to heaven.Petrus said;i will give all three of you a second chance in life considering that you are too young to die.You dutchman will never pick up any money from the street.Belgian you will never eat chips again and you homosexuel will never love any man or having sex with a man no more.After this they were send back to earth.All three landed in amsterdam walking the mainstreet the belgian saw a fish and chips shop only one he thought.He put the chips in his mouth and zip he was gone,leaving the dutch and the homo behind.Those two walked further,than the dutchman saw a coin laying on the street,he bend to pick it up and  ZIP   ZIP. ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Day 63.

No news, but I will have to leave a joke anyway, as I am off to Horsham, for a memorial service for a friend tomorrow.

Ruud, very funny ;D

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While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."

He addressed the man, "Can you describe your wife's favourite flower?"

Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's self-rising, isn't it?

The rest of the story gets rather ugly, so I'll stop right here.
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See you tomorrow ;D

cj :)

Carolinej,here in holland you have to finish what you have started,so......... ;D ;D ;D ;D

parcel was sent this morning sorry for he delay! i pulled a muscle in my leg and have been hobbling about all week, got to post this morning, hopefully will be ther tomorrow, thank-you some lovely things in there too!!

Sorry , but the clue to the next person.  They were once linked with Clannad?

Bono!   ;D

It's here, I got it yesterday morning.
Very impressed with the range of seeds within, might have to give Francchi seeds a try next year judging by the amounts within their packets.
Will have a look today and get it back out tomorrow.  :)

Day 65.

Sorry  didnt get round to posting yesterday. It was a VERY long day. All the driving, having been subjected to more Morris Dancers than is healthy for a person of my age ::)

Good to hear the parcel has arrived ;D That gives you all another joke free day.

Enjoy the sunshine  8)

cj :)