Recognise anybody here ?

[AikenDrum]

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employees home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"

Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"

"Yes", whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?" the man asked. To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."

Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"

"Yes", came the answer.

"May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, "no".

Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. "Is there any one there besides you?" the boss asked the child.

"Yes" whispered the child, "A policeman".

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman"?

"No, he's busy", whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?, asked the boss.

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman", came the whispered answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper", answered the whispering voice. "What is going on there?", asked the boss, now alarmed. In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper"

Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, "Why are they there"?

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle:

"They're looking for me"

[AikenDrum]

[jaggythistle]

        Car 54 wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere are you....!!!! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

                  braw bloody braw

[Derekthefox]

In respect, may I ask if this is supposed to be funny? I ask this because I am sure that someone on this forum may have gone through a real episode such as this, and so this should be resited in the Watershed or even withdrawn.

Sorry to appear such a miserable sod, but this is supposed to be a happy time of year ...

Or have I missed the point somewhere ...

Name and address withheld ...

[undercarriage plan]

Has happened to me Derek. Meg came out of school, was waiting for Dan, out he came, no Meg.....searched the grounds, went home, came back, all the teachers and parents were looking too, heart in my boots....over an hour later, I was so strung out, I roared at the top of my voice "If I don't see you soon, young lady..." .......and a small face appeared from inside one of those tyres that's stuck in the ground....she'd been playing hide and seek..... ::) So I can say, I found this really funny!!

[Derekthefox]

Noted lottie, but some people may not have been so lucky ...

Anyhow, I am not here to fall out with peeps, I just want to try and get through to the new year by any means I can ...

Derekthefox

[undercarriage plan]

Welll, Derek,  low on rhubarb??  ;D Try surprising your family with being more Christmassy than them, singing Jingle Bells at the top of your voice whilst dressed up as Santa.....go on, you may enjoy it!! post pic if do.....

[Derekthefox]

I don't understand your comments Lottie, and I hope they are not intended to flame me. You will have civility from me, you know that.

I am not alcoholic, but I do resent the inference.

I have an aversion to Christmas as I have stated before, and don't wish to partake of it.

Please don't taunt me, it really hurts ...

Derekthefox

[wardy]

Oh Derek please don't do this.  I'm sure Lottie inferred no such thing.  I think perhaps you're being over-sensitive.  You know you're among friends here so do cheer up.  Here, giz a hug  :)

Wardy  :-*

[jaggythistle]

  Foxy  ditto what wardy has said...and if you look at some of your other posts
  you yourself were always on about rhubarb...I think you are kinda taking
  things outta context....it's a funny old time of year.....but if folks are gonna
  fall out am going to the pub....yer coming Wardy... ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

[Derekthefox]

Thanks guys for your concern, I really do appreciate it. Both of you, and Lottie too, know my history, and you know exactly what I am talking about, so those comments were particularly insensitive. But I promised civility, and I consider myself a man of my word ...

Derekthefox

Jaggy, your signature says it perfectly
Aiken, my apologies for messing up your thread

[lorna]

UC  Yep happened to us last year. Somehow Joshua didn't see his Dad in the playground and Lea didn't see Joshua. SO a silly woman put him in her car and took him home. She did put a message on Lorna's mobile although she had been told the number was no longer used and had been given the new number. BUT I found this very funny just for the fact that it is a possible  for a child to so innocently give a reason!!!
DFS  Have to agree with other members.... I have often read posts where you have suggested people should have more rhubarb wine. I can't understand why you think Lottie's comments inferred you  are an alcoholic.

Happy Christmas every one.

[undercarriage plan]

Whoa!!! Time out!!! Honestly, leave the room for 10 mins to check on me turnip flap jacks and this happens....Derek, if I have caused you any offence in any shape,way or form, then I apologise, it was so not intended....I thought rhubarb was the forum tipple.....anway, have a flap jack, and off to the pub........Mines 2 bottles of white, please... ;D ;D ;D

[wardy]

Derek   You have some good mates on here you know - all thinking of you and worrying that you might be feeling sad.  I'm giving you a virtual squdge right now.  There!  Consider yourself squdged  ;D  Sorry if you're short of breath now after that crush  :-[
There's always someone worse off than you you know.  Eg ME!  You know how whenever I sit down to watch a bit of telly and always but always get disturbed  >:( Well last night plonked me fat arris in the chair with bottle of vino, to watch Hugh Fernlywotisface when husband, who had just sat down with his dinner, decided to give dog half a sausage.  Dog promptly started to choke and had the bloody thing stuck down his throat.  Down to me to try and separate sausage from dog who was determined not to part with it despite him struggling for breath.  Got dog in Heimlich manoeuvre but dog, whose body might be weak, has a vice-like set of jaws and trapped my mid digit between his back teeth and bit down HARD  :o :o  I now have a very tender BLACK nail just in time for Christmas.  My finger is so sore I am in great pain typing this and am having to press the "post" button with left hand.  All this personal pain being endured to cheer you up mate.  Wardy  ;D

[Derekthefox]

OK guys enough!!!!

You can all gang up on me if you wish, I know there is a humorous side, but all I thought of when I read Aikens post was the innocent hide and seek game that ends in tragedy ...

However if I am to be the whipping boy, so be it.

As for the wine, well there is a line in light hearted banter. Lottie's comments were inferring I was in a grumpy mood because I was short on alcohol ... if that was true I could live with it, but I am snowed under with the stuff. I felt offended, simple as that. As Jaggy has said 'funny time of year'.

Just read added posts, apology accepted lottie, Wardy, sorry to hear about your finger - ouch!

Derekthefox

[lorna]

Wardy.. Who got the sausage??

[Robert_Brenchley]

I remember the time Mina, who was about seven then, decided to go home with a friend without telling anyone. By the time she decided to come home, we had a large policeman here, just at the right moment to give her a telling-off.

[wardy]

The dog got the sossy naturally.  he got my finger anorl  ;D  Throbbing like buggery here  :o  I had to fight him the night before as he got a dark choccie and wouldn't part with it.  He's getting a proper piggy  ;D

Having a brill day thus far Derek. Sure yours must be going better than mine.  Having washed all the guests beds bedding yesterday after guests had cleared off I have been ironing it.  Groan.  What a complete bore ironing is and guess what was on the flipping telly?  What's always flamin on!  Cash in the rotten attic followed by car bleedin booty.  If that flog it comes on I will go barmy.  You see if I don't  ;D  Knowing the BBC it will be on probably thrice daily over the holiday period as well.  Just to get up my nose some more.   Beginning to sound like you Derek.  Bah humbug  ;D ;D

[Derekthefox]

Ha ha Wardy, sounds like you have got your hands full, not nice with that yowling finger I guess. Getting to sound like me means you are in a bad way ...
Give yourself five minutes feet up with a mince pie and something wet (not alcoholic unless you prefer  ;D )
Derekthefox :D

[redimp]

I went for a walk with my binocs and the dog and watched the Kingfisher for about 5minutes culiminating in it diving into the water catching a fish and then sitting on a branch and eating it.  I also saw my kestrels (yes they are mine) and a sparrowhawk.  Then my cheque arrived in full and final settlement of my claim so I should be able to sort out some o fmy financial problems during next week.  Haven't done anything constructivve - walking the dog was enough to show that the soil is too wet to dig but still feeling a bit chipper today. 

[undercarriage plan]

Oh Ady!! Great news!! That's why your slippers are curling!!