Allotments 4 All

The following evening Old Ted was back in the pub with his dog, and a couple of extra pints set up ready,  when Jim walked in with a middle-aged nondescript looking chap whom he introduced as Artie ("won`t tell you what that`s short for" laughed Artie).  Jim said "I`ve told Artie everything we discussed last night, and he thinks he can help.  Now Artie, the problem is how much it`s going to cost".  Artie said "Well, first off, I need to know how long you`ve known Ted, and whether I can trust him to keep his mouth shut".  Old Ted replied "Jim and I have known each other and been mates for over 20 years, and you can certainly trust me to keep my mouth shut - anything to get that old harridan off my back".  "Right" said Artie. "Where and when would be the best place for me to get her?".  "Well", said Old Ted, "Every Friday morning she goes to Tesco at about 11 a.m., and she always wears her best coat and hat - a pink coat and pink hat.  She never misses.  But how much would it cost ?- I`ve not got much". Artie shrugged. "I only do these jobs now just to keep my hand in, it`s more pleasure than business, and seeing as you`re such an old mate of Jim`s I`ll do you a freebie and just charge you the bus fare to Tesco - call it a quid".   Old Ted stammered out his thanks and handed over his pound coin to Artie, and went home.

That Friday morning at 11 a.m. Artie was standing in the shubbery at the said of Tesco, watching the main entrance carefully. Then a middle aged woman appeared, wearing a pink coat and pink hat.  As she neared the entrance Artie nipped out of cover, grabbed her, dragged her back into the bushes and very efficiently garotted her.   He had just put his length of cheesewire back in his pocket and was about to walk away when he saw another middle aged woman wearing a pink coat and pink hat approaching the main entrance.  "Blast it" he though. "What if I`ve done the wrong one.  I`d better do this one as well and make sure", and he dashed out again, grabbed the woman, dragged her back into the bushes and garotted her as efficiently as he had the first woman.   Unfortunately for Artie the CCTV camera had picked him out as he grabbed the second woman, the operator alerted the security guards, and just as Artie started to walk away he was collared by the security guards and handed over to the police.

The following evening the local evening paper carried the banner headline;-


ARTIE CHOKES TWO FOR A POUND AT TESCO.

Oh Hugh - thanks so much!! - Lishka

Thank you Hugh, I'd forgotten that one.

Oh Hugh

wonderfull thank you its the way you tell them that makes them great.
Teresa

When you can take a joke from here and put a smile on 50 of the most lemony faces around (where I work), you know you've got a good 'n' !

Love Palefire

xxx