The 'Seed Packet Blues'

[Trixiebelle]

Oh dear .... I've got the 'seed packet blues'  :-\

I should never read the instructions on the back of them, it's enough to put you off for life!

My top few most hated words on packets as follows:

1. Rake soil to a fine tilth

What on EARTH (excuse the pun) is a fine tilth? Has anyone got the time, patience and indeed the tools to do this particularly vile garden task?

If I see this on a seed packet I send my son Alfie with a hammer onto the soil and get him to bash it for a few hours. He likes doing it. Just as well.

2. Prick out seedlings

My most hated. Standing in a hot greenhouse fiddling about with miniscule seedlings and ridiculously small pots. Waste of time and guaranteed to send you into a psychotic state.

Mind you, I could be biased about this one having spent 3 hrs today doing this with about a MILLION Cosmos seedlings that my Father-In-Law asked me to 'prick out' because he wouldn't be at the allotment for a few days.

3. Thin seedlings - pinch out the weakest

IT'S MURDER! PLAIN AND SIMPLE! I can't bear to thin anything out. I just look at the seedling and think "that's a meal for somebody, somewhere in the world" And how DARE the packet instructions pick on the weakest seedling? It's a clear case of bullying which is rife in schools but the National Press haven't got hold of the vile truth about vegetable NURSERIES yet have they. Think I might write to The Sun.

4. Space 30cm apart

I'm sorry but I don't deal in centimetres and I refuse to buy a metric ruler. I still insist on paying for my goods at the Co-Op with groats and ocassionally barter  with a live rabbit and few runner bean seeds

5. Harvest in 2nd/3rd year of planting and not before

This applies to asparagus, globe artichokes etc.

I buy the seeds, I plant them and then I read this message. BUT I WANT TO EAT THEM NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!

The next time I buy a packet of seeds (probably tomorrow) I will take an indelible black marker pen, scribble out all the instructions as soon as possible WITHOUT reading them.

I will then resort to my preferred method of planting that I picked up from an old Red Indian friend of mine in 1987. A very nice man and a good friend of mine called Chuckamin from the Seeworappens tribe.

SO! If you are disheartened by ANY instructions on seed packets then remember my dear friend.

CHUCKAMIN & SEEWORAPPENS  ;D

[Trixiebelle]

[manicscousers]

my way of doing things  ;D ;D ;D

[Wicker]

Wise people those Red Indians, Trixie - seems like

CHUCKAMIN & SEEWORAPPENS

is the answer to all things in life  ;)  ;D

[Robert_Brenchley]

30 cms is the length of your boot. Doesn't matter what you shoe size is, it'll do. As for a tilth, I've had all sorts come up when they were planted among rock-hard clods.

[greenscrump]

LOL !! :D that is sooooo true, thanks for the laugh xx

[Trixiebelle]

I've had all sorts come up when they were planted among rock-hard clods.

So have I Robert. I've had 2 kids that popped up despite rock-hard clods (their dads!)

[wilko]

oh that's tickled me LOL  ;D ;D ;D

and it's not just the g&t , which I richly deserve!!!1 ;)

[Carol]

Trixie.   You are funnier than Victoria Wood, Dawn French  you name them.  At least you make me laugh.  I would love to live next door to you, life would be such a giggle.   :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

[Trixiebelle]

What a lovely thing to say Carol. I'm flattered .. honestly and sincerely.

My greatest (contemporary) role models are Victoria Wood and Julie Walters.

Every morning in the Trixie household, Alfie gets his bowl of cereal from me in the kitchen and I say "Carry it in - both hands"

And every morning he says to me "Two Soups!"

[lorna]

Trixie. I quite agree with Carol, your posts make me giggle, in fact I often laugh out loud. The dog looks at me as if I have gone loopy. (she could be right!!)
Lorna.

[mc55]

 ;D ;D ;D

I agree with Carol & Lorna - we'd buy tickets to your show.   OH was really disappointed when you disappeared a while ago - he'd taken to checking the postings daily - and he doesn't even like gardening etc !

[manicscousers]

see, trixie, a whole new life beckons, will we still be able to talk to you when you're famous ?  ;D

[Marymary]

And you've already got a fan club  ;D

Agree with ignoring the often very depressing stuff on the back of seed packets - wot I can never get my head round is the 30 cms between each plant & the 30 thousand cms between each row. Can't bear to kill off perfectly good plants in the name of thinning either - never do the planting 2 seeds & killing off the weaker bit. 

[milkybardave]

As a complete novice to the whole veg growing thing, I WAS going to follow the packet instructions religiously.......... but no more....

I couldn't stand the idea of "thinning" my lovely little seedlings, which I planted and took care of, with my own bare hands, so I'm gonna let them get on with it & who cares if the parsnips, carrots & radishes are a slightly odd shape... I KNOW they are gonna taste great!!!

;D ;D ;D

[Grandma]

Trixiebelle! I've come so close to pm-ing you loads of times but haven't got a round tuit. Now that your fan club is in the public domain, I'm going to shout it for all to hear.

FOR HEAVENS SAKE WRITE THE BOOK!!!!!

Your posts are the first thing I look for - they're guaranteed to make me laugh. You have a fabulous sense of humour and even with just the 'little snippets' you treat us to on here, it's obvious that you have a great writing style.

If your own TV series would be too time consuming with your busy lifestyle, ;) just get writing whenever you have a few spare moments.

I'm volunteering my services as proof-reader - (seriously!) - for the sheer joy of being the first to see your masterpiece.  :) :) :) :-*

[Froglegs]

Chuckamin n seeworappens....ma duck! ;)

[Carol]

I agree with you grandma.  I remember when Trixiebelle first came onto A4A  it was like a breath of fresh air with all her daily musings on what was going on in her lotty.  Tales about her 2 buddies incl. Ahmed was wonderful.  You have a great turn of phrase and you just make me laugh.  You view life and make every day things amusing - which it is really but you have a good way of putting things down in writing.  :D :D :D :D :D :D ;)

[Trixiebelle]

Thank you. You've really made my day today :) X

[honeybee]

And of course i have to agree with all thats been said  ;D

You really make me chuckle  ;D

And if you did ever fill your own auditoriumn, dont forget it wouldnt be complete without free squash seeds to all and Ahmed selling ice creams  ;D

[Jeannine]

Trixiebelle, I too agree, you can count me in as a cheerleader.

I also think you humour really needs to go onto the thread re 'growing the littlest pumkin'.. please look it up.....your good ideas and wit would help us out there so much..please  join us on that thread..please!!!

From a real big fan  XX Jeannine