Favourite Jokes

[Muddy_Boots]

WHAT IS A CAT?
1. Cats do what they want.
2. They rarely listen to you.
3. They're totally unpredictable.
4. When you want to play, they want to be alone.
5. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
6. They expect you to cater to their every whim.
7. They're moody.
8. They leave hair everywhere.
CONCLUSION: THEY'RE TINY WOMEN IN LITTLE FUR COATS.
WHAT IS A DOG?
1. Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in

the house.
2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear

you when you're in the same room.
3. They can look dumb and loveable all at the same time.
4. They growl when they are not happy.
5. When you want to play, they want to play.
6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7. They leave their toys everywhere.
8. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a
kiss.
9. They go right for your crotch as soon as they meet you.
CONCLUSION: THEY'RE TINY MEN IN LITTLE FUR COATS.



Kate

[Muddy_Boots]

[aquilegia]

Muddy - according to that evidence, apart from the last two, I appear to be a man :-/

[Muddy_Boots]

;D ;D ;D ;D ;D Aqui


Kate

[ciaozzy]

Yo Ava

brill mahn had me stitches.

peeps who excels with putting worm on hook.... could be a poll there  ?

how old was you when you done your first wormy hooky thang?

A: 11
B: 12
C: 13
D: 50

Spring is near I swear it.. can feel it in me fingers can feel it in me toes I does :)

Oz

xxx

[Muddy_Boots]

No need to swear Oz, you iz just a spring! ;D

Kate

[flowerbaby_uk]

lol you are so funny ava  love em keep  coming my kind of jokes ;D ;D ;D

[Mrs Ava]

okay, my contributions.....

"My boyfriend, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.
When I'm in a good mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a big f*##ing red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond."

[Mrs Ava]

Couple more.......

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman says, "I'll miss you."
 
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumour
 
He said - "Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you really badly."
She said - "Well, you've succeeded."

[Ragged Robin]

Ooooooooooh I like those EJ,
        really enjoyed them, needed a laugh tonite
 Thanks.

[mysticmog]

:D :D :D EJ n Ava - u av got me lmfho!!!!!!!  Lovin the confucious stuff, lovin the "men is not v good" stuff..

Some faves...

What's brown and sticky?
A stick

What do you call a nun on a bicycle?
A cyclist

A horse walks into a bar, the barman says "why the long face?"

A bear walks into a bar, says to the barman "a pint of ...........................................lager please"
Barman says "why the big paws"

And my favorite...

Three pieces of string walk into a bar.  The first piece of string goes up to the bar and says "three pints of lager please mr barman"
Barman says "sorry, we don't serve pieces of string in here"
Despondantly the piece of string goes back to his mates (who've now found an empty table) and says "sorry, won't serve pieces of string, maybe we should try somewhere more string friendly"
The other two pieces of string decide to give it another go, and the second piece of string puts on a false mustache, a hat and some glasses and goes up to the bar
"three pints of lager please mr barman" says the piece of disguised string"
"your e a piece of string aren't you" says the barman "I can't serve you" and walks off
The second piece of string goes back to his mates with a sad look on his face, and of course, no lager
The third piece of string says "sod this, I know what to do"
He rolls up his bottom half into a ball, backcombs his top half and waddles up to the bar
"Three pints of lager please mr barman" he says, nonchalantly
"Are you a piece of string" says the barman
The third piece of string says.......................................................................................................
"No, I'm afraid not"

 ;)

This is more effective when spoken - so for those who missed it the last line should really read

"No, I'm a frayed knot"

I bludy love that joke  ;D

[mysticmog]

What do scalectrix and breasts have in common?

They're both intended for children, but it's always the fathers that end up playing with them

What's 6 inches long and get's women excited

A £50 note..

[Mrs Ava]

hahahaha very good mystic, I likes!