Author Topic: moral dilemma? (Read 4565 times)

emmy1978 · « **on:** February 12, 2007, 11:36:41 »

I got my plot just before christmas, was really happy as had been waiting almost a year for one to become available. When I started working on it and chatting to my lottie neighbours I learned that the chap who had it before me was only using the plot to sit in his shed and drink special brew and smoke cigs away from his wife, having been put under doctors orders to give up both.
So, because of this and the fact he was not doing any work on the plot, he was given the choice at renewal time to start work on it again or give it up. He gave it up, but has started coming down to the shed again to drink.
My neighbours have been keeping an eye out and telling him it's not on, but last weekend he came down while I was there and set up camp outside the shed! I feel really sorry for him, he had the plot for 20 years and is obviously lost without it, but it made me very uncomfortable having him there and I didn't really want to tell him he couldn't come- I had the tinies with me and didn't know how he'd react. Just feel so sorry for him, but do feel he could've pulled it together if he really wanted to keep it. :'(
Don't fancy having a full time shed dweller so what to do. Have put lock on shed so he can't get in when I'm not there, but he is saying he owns the shed and seems to think that means he can come and use it! My neighbour has told the committee so they'll probably have a word and hopefully sort it out tactfully!
Thought you lot might be interested in the darker side of lottie life!!! :-\

quizzical1 · « **Reply #1 on:** February 12, 2007, 11:55:51 »

Quote from: emmy1978 on February 12, 2007, 11:36:41

I got my plot just before Christmas, was really happy as had been waiting almost a year for one to become available. When I started working on it and chatting to my lottie neighbours I learned that the chap who had it before me was only using the plot to sit in his shed and drink special brew and smoke cigs away from his wife, having been put under doctors orders to give up both.
So, because of this and the fact he was not doing any work on the plot, he was given the choice at renewal time to start work on it again or give it up. He gave it up, but has started coming down to the shed again to drink.
My neighbours have been keeping an eye out and telling him it's not on, but last weekend he came down while I was there and set up camp outside the shed! I feel really sorry for him, he had the plot for 20 years and is obviously lost without it, but it made me very uncomfortable having him there and I didn't really want to tell him he couldn't come- I had the tinies with me and didn't know how he'd react. Just feel so sorry for him, but do feel he could've pulled it together if he really wanted to keep it. :'(
Don't fancy having a full time shed dweller so what to do. Have put lock on shed so he can't get in when I'm not there, but he is saying he owns the shed and seems to think that means he can come and use it! My neighbour has told the committee so they'll probably have a word and hopefully sort it out tactfully!
Thought you lot might be interested in the darker side of lottie life!!! :-\

Not likely to have that sort of problem on my plot hopefully, as the previous tenant was a chap in his eighties.
I was wondering about the ownership of various items on the plot, because he left all his tools(most of them pretty ancient) in the shed, which of course was also his.
He also left several larger items around the shed, buckets, wheelbarrow/trolley thingy, coldframe etc.
I don't suppose he really wanted to part with any of it, but I have subsequently found out that he lives in a flat in a tower block,so he would have no use for it anyhow, or anywhere to store it.
Please keep us posted with the outcome of your dilemma emmy. I'm sure that it must have happened to others.

Deb P · « **Reply #2 on:** February 12, 2007, 12:20:13 »

It makes it very difficult for you though doesn't it, you won't feel comfortable in what is now your allotment, worrying whether or not to take your kids down just in case he will be down there..... :-\

Re 'his' shed;what are your committees rules on ownership, did you have to pay anything towards what was left on the site when you took it over? I think it may be worth you having a word with them yourself, I don't think it is fair for you to have to sort this out, but it is stopping you enjoying your allotment, and nothing should come between a woman and her plot!!

emmy1978 · « **Reply #3 on:** February 12, 2007, 12:28:55 »

I know Deb, that's exactly how I feel. Waited so long to get stuck in and now feel bit mean!! He gave lots of instructions of what not to dig up etc, it's all beyond saving bar the rhubarb and figs.
Nothing was said re shed or any of the other mess that's down there. Will have a word with the committee I think. I was going to let him lose interest & retain some dignity etc, but don't want a lodger so will have to bite bullet!
Just being a bit of a wimp I think as I feel so sorry for him!

Emagggie · « **Reply #4 on:** February 12, 2007, 13:21:07 »

Not an easy situation emmy. Just remember that he was given a choice and he chose to give it up. Could you explain to him that you don't like the tinies to see him drinking so would he mind doing it elsewhere? You pay the rent so he has no say in anything to do with it now. Maybe he'll get the message if his welcomes are not too friendly.

kenkew · « **Reply #5 on:** February 12, 2007, 13:29:19 »

Leaving something after 20 years is a real wrench. The guy's had a visiting habit for all that time and he's bound to be missing his routine.
Not easy to all of a sudden tell him to leave it out but he has to come to terms with that, hard as it is.
Your feelings for his feelings are commendable but it has to stop, hopefully by his relisation and not with a heavy word or actions.

Maybe a step in the right direction would be to take your hubby or a male friend with you for the next few times. If he's hitting your feelings, a man around the place might make him see things as they now are.

emmy1978 · « **Reply #6 on:** February 12, 2007, 16:00:01 »

Ken, thats how I feel. I want him to just realise himself and not have to be given the heave ho by the committee. Bless him poor old b***er!

ACE · « **Reply #7 on:** February 12, 2007, 17:50:19 »

Whack him with your shovel and tell him to p!ss off. All this girl thingy footing around will get you nowhere.

Blue Bird · « **Reply #8 on:** February 12, 2007, 18:06:14 »

I am with you one this one Ace - sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind and it may help to bring him back to his senses
:( >:( :(

shirlton · « **Reply #9 on:** February 12, 2007, 18:34:47 »

Hi Emmy, I can tell by your posts that you have compassion for your fellow human beings. This is not a bad thing. Although he has given the plot up it may have been the only place he could go for a bit of respite. Who knows he may have had a nagging wife to get away from. I was of the opinion that if you didn't pay your rent you had to clear what you wanted off the plot or forfeit it. Thats the case on our allotment site. Someone left a shed and a picnic table and they have all been dispersed around the site. We have a strong leader on our site. If you have the same then I should leave it to them . After all thats what you pay for.By the way , Does he still have a key to the site?. I hope that the problem gets sorted soon for you my dear. Most of us go to our allotments to get away from everyday problems and it should be a place where we can relax.

cornykev · « **Reply #10 on:** February 12, 2007, 19:01:15 »

I was going to ask about the site key, I can understand where Kenkew is coming from but he had his chance to work on the plot but I think he was there to drink and smoke which is probably killing him hence hiding it from the wife. So I'm with Ace and Blue Bird on this one, girl thingy footing won't help with this one, give the committee a chance to sort it if not as Ace says its shovel time. It may be the wake up call he needs.

Emagggie · « **Reply #11 on:** February 12, 2007, 20:32:38 »

Are we talking excessive drinking here? If so, in my experience there's no such thing as a wake up call- sadly.

Wicker · « **Reply #12 on:** February 12, 2007, 20:39:46 »

One of the most important aspects of lottie life is that it is YOUR lottie and you are mistress of all you survey! Seems none of his previous lottie neighbours were sufficiently fond of him to invite him to sit on their plots and blether so that must say something about him.
Obviously the lottie to him simply meant freedom to drink/smoke and not tend the plot - maybe his wife did nag but maybe that's because she cared enough about him and his health to try to get him to see sense.
May sound hard but imho he comes across as a pretty selfish character and you shouldn't feel guilty about getting him to move on.

Anyway may you soon have happier days to come on your lottie ;)

kt. · « **Reply #13 on:** February 12, 2007, 21:33:25 »

On our site you have 28 days to reclaim anything you wish providing you give notice. Usually we ask if anything is being left or taken and the new plot holder informed.

I agree with the firmer approach as previously stated. Do you really want to be clearing away his f*g butts? Whats your local council policy reference drinking in public places. Fined £100 here - just another angle if needs get desperate.

Tell him straight that he is no longer welcome on YOUR property. I like the idea of taking your hubby or male friend to the plot. They could get him to move for you. ;)

kitten · « **Reply #14 on:** February 12, 2007, 22:30:08 »

Hi emmy, oh dear what a pickle this is ::)

I'm inclined to agree with the hard liners on this one, in that he chose to give the plot up, he chose to leave his shed/tools/whatever on site & not remove them by the end of his tenancy. You are quite within your rights as the lease holder of that plot to evict him from it if he is trespassing on it.

I'd probably give the committee a deadline (e.g. couple of weeks) to sort it by, and if he appears again after that, tell him in no uncertain terms that he's making you feel uncomfortable, and you don't want him turning up and drinking in front of your children.

I'd also be inclined to say that if he wants 'his' shed back that he can have it if he dismantles & collects it by a certain date (say, during the following week) otherwise you'll assume that he's happy for you to have it. He'll get the message, so long as you're consistent in your message.

Good luck & let us know how you get on x

Curryandchips · « **Reply #15 on:** February 12, 2007, 23:22:36 »

I agree with kitten, et al.

The current situation is not desirable, or sustainable. Psychologically, he has to move on.

The best of luck.

Derek :)

cambourne7 · « **Reply #16 on:** February 12, 2007, 23:29:51 »

Hi

What a pickle..

I would pop a lock on the shed, have a quiet word with the allotment association and ask them to speak to him. After 20 years i am sure that someone knows him well enough to have that talk to him?

I would just make things uncomfortable for him.

Keep the shed locked ( even when your on the plot just unlock it to get something out.

After a while he will get the message and stop comming.....

Cambourne7

emmy1978 · « **Reply #17 on:** February 13, 2007, 10:16:57 »

Thanks all, usually I am not such a total wuss pants, but I did feel so sorry for him. In my experience there is no such thing as a wake up call for hardened drinkers. I know he has to go, I just feel bad for him.
The neighbours seem to think it's come on since he got told to quit, then he just rebelled and I think his life just went downhill. I've spoken to the plots manager, at the moment we don't have keys (new fences just been put up) but when we do he obviously won't get one.
I'm hoping this will be the end of it and that he'll join the legions of old drinkers in the local spit and sawdust!
Thanks all for your advice, as usual, so wise!!

cornykev · « **Reply #18 on:** February 13, 2007, 17:40:17 »

Good luckEms and happy digging in the future. ;D ;D ;D

emmy1978 · « **Reply #19 on:** February 13, 2007, 22:30:56 »

Thanks Kev, always happy diggin'! ;D

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Author Topic: moral dilemma? (Read 4565 times)