An odd adoption coincidence

[lushy86]

Thanks for all your thoughts and advice guys, funny that a chance reply to a post has started something up for me as I found out over 9 years ago!  I have had some help from a lovely person on here though I don't even know the place of birth as my mum did not live locally at the time.  And you know, I'm not even sure if I'm ready to dig it all up just yet as there is a lot going on at the moment.  I will be sure to let you all know if ther are any developments.

Love to all

Lisa x

[lushy86]

[Digeroo]

My mother never talked about my father.  I once pressurized her to do so and got a complete piece of fiction, in fact I had seen it on TV a few weeks before.  I only once even saw a photo and he was so small he could have been half the male population.

Ancestry at http://www.ancestry.co.uk/?atlassearch=paid&o_xid=39615&o_lid=39615
has a better search engine for births.


The advantage of Genes is that it will bring up matches on other peoples family trees but if you contact them they do not have to reply.

I started off trying to trace my father but in the end found all sorts of interesting information and contact with interesting distant cousins, having drawn a complete blank I gave up on my father. 

[theothermarg]

My OH found out he was adopted when he was in his early 40's MIL had always kept it secret but my SIL found out when she was 15 that she was but dare not say anything until their mother was on her deathbed so she never knew her secret was out.
our daughter wanted to know about her birth grandparents so persuaded him to found out her name then she traced it and found a half brother and sister, his birth mother had died a few years previously
the brother although curious at first didn't want to know (think he couldn't take the shock of his mother having a secret baby) but he put us on to his older half sister,we have spoken to her on the phone and I am in e-mail contact but he has never felt the need to meet her and didn't encourage any closeness.
My problem at the moment is do I tell her he is very ill? she might want to meet him before he dies and he doesn't know her and never wanted to
Tricky isn't it? she keeps sending me funnies by e-mail (that our main contact) and she doesn't realise anything is wrong
any idea's because daughter and I don't know what to do
marg

[GrannieAnnie]

My OH found out he was adopted when he was in his early 40's MIL had always kept it secret but my SIL found out when she was 15 that she was but dare not say anything until their mother was on her deathbed so she never knew her secret was out.
our daughter wanted to know about her birth grandparents so persuaded him to found out her name then she traced it and found a half brother and sister, his birth mother had died a few years previously
the brother although curious at first didn't want to know (think he couldn't take the shock of his mother having a secret baby) but he put us on to his older half sister,we have spoken to her on the phone and I am in e-mail contact but he has never felt the need to meet her and didn't encourage any closeness.
My problem at the moment is do I tell her he is very ill? she might want to meet him before he dies and he doesn't know her and never wanted to
Tricky isn't it? she keeps sending me funnies by e-mail (that our main contact) and she doesn't realise anything is wrong
any idea's because daughter and I don't know what to do
marg

If your husband didn't want to know her when he was well, it is doubtful he'd want to when ill. I say that only because it is pretty draining beginning a friendship, takes a lot of energy just trying to follow all the new information that gets poured out.

[theothermarg]

Yes that makes sense. I'll keep stum!
marg

[lushy86]

Good advice GA, and I think you have enough on your plate at the moment marg though I can understand you concerns.

Lushy x

[grawrc]

Well I 'm afraid I think differently on this one. She will never be able to meet him/ they will never know each other when they are dead. I would want to give her(and him) the opportunity of at least meeting. If she knows how he is she will either want to see him or not.