What is the funniest post you ever read

[Jeannine]

I have been thinking aout this one for some time and it has without a doubt got to be Doris-Pinks post about the visit her sister and I made to a very odd farm.It is the thread called... Nick names for lottie goers whose names you don't know.It is on page 4.

Doris  whenever I feel down in the mouth I read your story.

I am interested in other funny ones I may have missed before I joined XX Jeannine

By the way I din't quote is cos I don't know how to do it, perhaps someone else will

[Jeannine]

[carolinej]

Jeannine

just blue up the bit you want. Click control and c, click on the box with a speech bubble (well more of a square) on the reply page. Then click control and v. Hey presto a quote!

cj

[Jeannine]

Can you put it here for me please Caroline

[davyw1]

Quote JEANNINE [Doris  whenever I feel down in the mouth I read your story.]

DORIS. My mother ( RIP) what a daft old bat she was. If it was cold " By its starvation out there "
To my sister " Jean no wonder your gas bill is so high you have got two televisions on "
But you will have to go a long way to beat this
Taking her to my sisters ( possibly where you live Jeannine) she was giving me directions " Turn left at the mens bits David" i said " Bollards mam Bollards" she replied " Bollards to you David now turn left at the mens bits
What a wonderful way with words she had. One more
I was emulsion a room for her using a roller and i kept changing hands with the roller and she said to me " EEe David i bet you are pleased your bisexual"  " What i said"    "you know being able to use both hands"
She was a classic.

[carolinej]

My mother ( RIP) what a daft old bat she was. If it was cold " By its starvation out there "
To my sister " Jean no wonder your gas bill is so high you have got two televisions on "
But you will have to go a long way to beat this
Taking her to my sisters ( possibly where you live Jeannine) she was giving me directions " Turn left at the mens bits David" i said " Bollards mam Bollards" she replied " Bollards to you David now turn left at the mens bits
What a wonderful way with words she had. One more
I was emulsion a room for her using a roller and i kept changing hands with the roller and she said to me " EEe David i bet you are pleased your bisexual"  " What i said"    "you know being able to use both hands"
She was a classic.

Thanks for putting it on here Davyw1. I put it in a quote box to stand out. I hope you dont mind :)

cj :)

[Jeannine]

Caroline, I tried but I still can't do it. The one shown here is not he one .

It is the one that starts "ooooohh don't get me started on that one" and it is about a visit to a farm to buy manure.

Page 4 of the thread about lottie goers nicknames

Sorry to be a pest, but I can't sem to do it at all XX Jeannine

[pye]

Oh nooooooooo  don't start me off!

It is sort of lottie related...........and bear with me, may take a while to relate :-

Sisiter staying over after an op, bored out of her brains, fancy a road trip says I? Yup, where to says she? Manure buying says I! ;D ;D (has to be one of my fave activities sadly!)  Oh OK I suppose.
So off we go to the farm, drive into potholes that my poor car could barely climb out of, and the pair of us sat and looked at the place in a kinda awe..............it looked like we had stepped back into the 1920's, chickens running, cats, dogs barking, shyte everwhere, apple trees, hay bales etc. etc. 
So I climb out of car, eye on barking dog and a pair of feet appear under an ancient tractor, youth looks at me, eye? says he, with a drugged appearance, erm looking for a load of manure to be delivered says I (thiking soooooooo  glad am in my gardening clothes an boots!)
Wait a mo I get someun......oh before you go says I, what on earth is that bald bird, and why is it running round and round in circles? Oh that, tis a one eyed guinea Fowl. (Snork kinda noises from sister in car)  so I waited, (watching bird running round in circles) and another young um appeared, same appearance, same question , same answer...........sister is car suddenly shrieks with laughter,  look look says she, and lo and behold, a one legged rooster calling out for all  his women to see!
Well, this just started to get like something out of a movie, and then the farmer arrived, and what can I hear from my sister, yes, that same music being sung!!
Bless, he looked like he had the same clothes on he had worn since 1920's, remined me of grampa from that programme they used to strap Granny to the top of the truck on a rocking chair, Beverly hillbillies and kept repeating everything I said.
Can I get some manure delivered please? He: Manure Deliverd
On the allotments  He: The Allotments
Ken got a good drop of stuff off you  He: Good drop of stuff
Well you get the jist.
Parted with £30.00 and my sister sung the tune all the way home, what ensued was an afternoon of hilarity, one eyed bald guinea fowls, (obviously being attacked by others rushing up on his blind side) and cockrels that "couldn't get their one leg over" all the usual childish things sisters giggle about, to a point we were crying with laughter, and have now re named the farm the funny fowl farm.
But bless the farmer for keeping birds others would have slaughtered!
She mentioned that it looked like something out of the deliverence, and would be worried that if I went up there by myself I would be popped in a silo never to be seen again! ;D
Oh and it really was a lovely drop of stuff when it arrived! ;)
So Jeannine, if you want to see the Deliverance for real, come visit! ;D

That whole thread made me roar. I was also tickled by a lot of the posts in JRP's crazy finger-chopping thread, talk about ridiculous to sublime.

Chris's naked tomatoes are also guaranteed to make me pmsl. (sorry Chris, laughin wiv you not at you ;)).

[Jeannine]

That's the one, and I have never read the bald tomatoes one. XX Jeannine

[emmy1978]

Oh someone find that for J. It is brill.  ;D ;D ;D

[manicscousers]

he's just put it back, I think it's in under glass  ;D

[Hyacinth]

Loved the anecdotes but the most off-the-wall thread has gotta be Jeannine and Caroline's Smallest Pumkin Competition....if anyone's missed it look in the Pumpkin section.....AND IT'S TIME FOR MORE UPDATES, YOU TWO ;D

[Jeannine]

Well helloooooooo Lish, nice to hear from you XX Jeannine

[pye]

This is Chris's naked toms:

http://www.allotments4all.co.uk/smf/index.php?topic=23398.msg230394#msg230394

I love this thread as much for the restraint showed by the obviously stunned respondents as for the terrifying picture.  ;D

Jeannine I also pmsl at your dainty attempts to curse like a docker. Knickers!!

http://www.allotments4all.co.uk/smf/index.php?topic=29525.0

[Jeannine]

Bump another really funny one

[manicscousers]

That takes me back  ;D

[cornykev]

JRP's finger chopping was deffo one of my favourites.     ;D ;D ;D

[Digeroo]

I just love the picture of Unwashed shed with the flag on top.

[Paulines7]

Jeannine I also pmsl at your dainty attempts to curse like a docker. Knickers!!

http://www.allotments4all.co.uk/smf/index.php?topic=29525.0

Me too Pye.  I must have missed the thread when it was first put on but found it so funny reading it just now.    ;D ;D

I think the first time I realised that there was a censor that changed words was when I was putting a post into the Recipe section and typed K n o b of butter and it turned it into a 'thingy'.   ;D  ;D

[Jeannine]

Oh, I remember that day, they kept changing what I had said, and I was getting in such a sweat. Reading that old post back I am surprised that some of the "bad words" seem to be showing now..does this mean the censoring is off.

Testing ..testing

pregnant dog
d**n
thingy    as in chicken folks
puss
girl thingy
girl thingy
arse
ass
arce

 Se how I have progressed over the year, I couldn't have written that word three years ago!!

OK lets see what it says.

XX Jeannine


See I told you, the censoring is not there anymore.. come on folks, those of you who are more daring than me can test it further.

[carolinej]

Am I allowed to own a cocker spaniel now? ;D