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Very sad.

Started by Heldi, January 23, 2006, 09:58:24

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cleo

#20
January 23, 2006, 13:08:26
There are times I wish I were better with words than tomatoes-my wife lost her Aunt a few weeks ago-the last of her `family`.

Remember the good times.

A cyber hug from me.

cleo

#20
January 23, 2006, 13:08:26

Plocket

#21
January 23, 2006, 13:10:04
Oh Heldi I've just read your thread. I'm so sorry to hear of your news. My heart goes out to you and your family. Thinking of you, and you know where we are if you need a virtual shoulder!
The tree which moves some to tears of joy is in the eyes of others only a green thing which stands in the way... (William Blake)

Marianne

#22
January 23, 2006, 13:21:35
Heldi,

So very sorry to hear of your sad loss.  My heart goes out to you and I am thinking of you at this sad time.  Good luck with your Mum.
Enjoy today to the full.  You are not sure of a tomorrow.
http://www.sittingdogs.co.uk

pansy

#23
January 23, 2006, 13:28:44
Heldi, so sorry to hear your sad news, thinking of you and your family.

Trixiebelle

#24
January 23, 2006, 13:52:01
Really sorry to hear that Heldi  :( Much love to you and your mum X
The Devil Invented Dandelions!

Heldi

#25
January 23, 2006, 14:34:16
Thankyou cleo,Plocket,Marianne,pansy and Trixie. I really appreciate your messages.

Mum has been to hospital today. Said she enjoyed it!! It's the ride around the old haunts in Newcastle I think not so much the hospital visit. She saw the MS consultant who gave her some words of encouragement.

I've just been tasked with getting her to the funeral...with electric wheelchair and with her grandchildren.  Think they will be a distraction for her when it all gets too much.

Hasn't really sunk in until today. :(

Wicker

#26
January 23, 2006, 14:50:51
It is hard when close family members of your own generation leave so I do feel for your Mum but, whatever else, Heldi, your Mum is lucky to have a child (cos to her you will always be her child) who cares enough to worry what will be best for her and will try to make that happen.  All strenght to you.
Equality isn't everyone being the same, equality is recognising that being different is normal.

TULIP-23

#27
January 23, 2006, 15:43:40
Heldi

Our deepest Sympathy with your Sad Loss

In our Thoughts      Mike
Sometimes its better to listen than to talk

Heldi

#28
January 23, 2006, 16:54:24
Thankyou Wicker. Thankyou Mike.

Dan 2

#29
January 23, 2006, 18:01:54
Im so sorry Heldi, my thoughts are with you at thid difficult time,

With warmest regards,

Daniel

Roy Bham UK

#30
January 23, 2006, 21:05:04
Only just seen this, so sorry for your sad loss Heldi especially for your Mum with the worry of upheaval too.

grawrc

#31
January 23, 2006, 21:05:50
Heldi
I'm really sorry to hear your sad news.
For what it's worth let me tell you about my mum who died 4 years ago aged 90. My mum and dad lived in Glasgow in a large terraced house where we all grew up and which they loved. The nearest of their children were my sister and I in Edinburgh. When my dad got Alzheimer's we tried to persuade them to move to Edinburgh but they really weren't interested. It wasn't until my sister died of cancer (dad had died 4 years previously) that my mother, totally disraught at the loss of her daughter, finally agreed to move to Edinburgh. With my help we found her what she called "my cottage" - an old converted stable in the centre of a village near Edinburgh - not more than 5 minutes' walk from my home. Livingroom, 2 bedrooms, no garden, but a courtyard where she could sit.
Her life changed totally when she came here - no garden, nobody she knew apart from us, no familiar haunts, a tiny house compared to the one she left, however she was a very sociable and outgoing person who soon made new friends, was visited by old friends and happily took the bus all over town. She took on a part-time job at a charity shop. She was part of my family as she had never been before. Then she learnt that she had cancer and took the decision not to have treatment.

Your mum is in a very different situation in that with MS she will not be able to get about without a great deal more support from you. It is at these times that the family is all important with the unconditional love and support that you can provide to make her comfortable and at ease with her new environment and to provide her with the company and companionship that she needs. I can only say that my thoughts are with you. It is a great privilege to support one's parents in their latter years.

rosebud

#32
January 23, 2006, 23:23:28
Dear Heldi, so very sorry to hear of your Aunts death and the dilema it has brought for you with regards to your Mum, i hope everthing works out for you both  all the best Rosebud.

Doris_Pinks

#33
January 24, 2006, 08:58:47
Heldi, thinking of you and yours  DP
We don't inherit the earth, we only borrow it from our children.
Blog: http://www.nonsuchgardening.blogspot.com/

ipt8

#34
January 24, 2006, 19:25:06
Sorry to hear of your loss.
Ask the hospital if they know of someone who can help. I have a feeling there may be charitable organisations that may help.

Heldi

#35
January 24, 2006, 20:54:13 Last Edit: January 24, 2006, 20:56:06 by Heldi
Thankyou Dan2, Roy, grawr,rosebud,DP and ipt8.

grawr,that was a very personel account and I am grateful for you telling me about your folks.  My mum's worst fear is losing the independance she has doggedly strived to maintain. The place we have looked at is a retirement home where getting out and about is actively encouraged. It is at the other end of a road which is somewhere where I walk each day. My allotment is along this road  ;D. Hopefully I'll be able to get her settled in and soon she'll be bombing around the streets in her electric wheelchair. Mind you we are still waiting for the flat to be offered. Fingers crossed.

Today I have managed to get mum booked into an MS respite place near to my uncle. It's a weight off our minds that she has somewhere to stay for the funeral that can cope with her particular difficulties...they'll even do her hair and nails for her!  Just working out how best to get her there.

grawrc

#36
January 24, 2006, 21:57:35
Heldi I know about the fears because many years ago when I was a teenager I used to go to France to stay with a family who had a holiday house on Lake Geneva. Next door there were 3 gorgeous teenage boys, and their sister (probably quite gorgeous too but I'm not that way inclined). As kids do you wander in  and get to know their folks. Their dad was a businessman in Lyon, their mum was a lovely woman in her 50s ( I think - hard to gauge when you're 12+) who was stuck in a wheelchair with MS. I loved her to death. I spent much of my time with her chatting or getting her a cup of tea or wheeling her out for a walk by the lake. Every year I visited there was some deterioration in her condition and then one summer she wasn't there. unable to leave Lyon. And then she died.

What a privilege it was to know that woman. What conversations we had. What she taught me about the world and life and pain and infidelity and love and suffering. She died but her family made sure she wasn't forgotten:
http://www.sclerose-plaques.com/accueil.htm
http://www.infosci.org/IFMSS/SEPT94/caresurv.html
Anyway enjoy your mum while you can. Life is so less rich when mums have gone.

flowerlady

#37
January 24, 2006, 22:24:12
Heldi, so glad to hear of the news about your Mum.  Such a worrying time for you.  Be strong, we are all thinking of you.

All love, you have my prayers,
FL - big hug!
To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven: a time to be born and time to die: a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted.     Ecclesiastes, 3:1-2

Heldi

#38
January 24, 2006, 22:31:13
Wow! That is so special grawr! 

Thankyou Flowerlady.  I love big hugs!

Juliet

#39
January 24, 2006, 22:35:14
Heldi, sorry to hear about your aunt - I do hope you are able to get your mum there for the funeral.  Glad to hear you have managed to find a place for her to stay while she's there - hope she gets the flat too.
I don't know whether your local Red Cross will be able to provide a lift all the way to East Grinstead, but it's certainly worth asking - if they can't help, they may know someone who can.
Details are here:  http://www.redcross.org.uk/standard.asp?id=74
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