I saw this on another forum I use and thought it was quite funny.
The Rocking Carol
Little Jesus, sweetly sleep, do not stir;
We will lend a coat of fur,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you:
Fur is no longer appropriate wear for small infants, both due to risk
of allergy to animal fur, and for ethical reasons. Therefore faux fur,
a nice cellular blanket or perhaps micro-fleece material should be
considered a suitable alternative.
Please note, only persons who have been subject to a Criminal Records
Bureau check and have enhanced clearance will be permitted to rock
baby Jesus. Persons must carry their CRB disclosure with them at all
times and be prepared to provide three forms of identification before
rocking commences.
Jingle Bells
Dashing through the snow
In a one horse open sleigh
O'er the fields we go
Laughing all the way
A risk assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh is
considered safe for members of the public to travel on. The risk
assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only
one horse for such a venture, particularly if passengers are of larger
proportions. Please note, permission must be gained from landowners
before entering their fields. To avoid offending those not
participating in celebrations, we would request that laughter is
moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.
While Shepherds Watched
While shepherds watched
Their flocks by night
All seated on the ground,
The angel of the Lord came down
And glory shone around
The Union of Shepherds has complained that it breaches health and
safety regulations to insist that shepherds watch their flocks without
appropriate seating arrangements being provided, therefore benches,
stools and orthopedic chairs are now available. Shepherds have also
requested that due to the inclement weather conditions at this time of
year that they should watch their flocks via cctv cameras from
centrally heated shepherd observation huts.
Please note, the Angel of the Lord is reminded that before shining his
/ her glory all around she / he must ascertain that all shepherds have
been issued with glasses capable of filtering out the harmful effects
of UVA, UVB and the overwhelming effects of Glory.
Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer
Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw him,
you would even say it glows.
You are advised that under the Equal Opportunities for All Policy, it
is inappropriate for persons to make comment with regard to the
ruddiness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion
of Mr R Reindeer from the Reindeer Games will be considered
discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those
found guilty of this offence. A full investigation will be implemented
and sanctions - including suspension on full pay - will be considered
whilst this investigation takes place.
Little Donkey
Little donkey, little donkey on the dusty road
Got to keep on plodding onwards with your precious load
The RSPCA have issued strict guidelines with regard to how heavy a
load that a donkey of small stature is permitted to carry, also
included in the guidelines is guidance regarding how often to feed the
donkey and how many rest breaks are required over a four hour plodding
period. Please note that due to the increased risk of pollution from
the dusty road, Mary and Joseph are required to wear face masks to
prevent inhalation of any airborne particles. The donkey has expressed
his discomfort at being labeled 'little' and would prefer just to be
simply referred to as Mr. Donkey. To comment upon his height or lack
thereof may be considered an infringement of his equine rights.
We Three Kings
We three kings of Orient are
Bearing gifts we traverse afar
Field and fountain, moor and mountain
Following yonder star
Whilst the gift of gold is still considered acceptable - as it may be
redeemed at a later date through such organisations as 'Cash for Gold'
etc, gifts of frankincense and myrrh are not appropriate due to the
potential risk of oils and fragrances causing allergic reactions. A
suggested gift alternative would be to make a donation to a worthy
cause in the recipients name or perhaps give a gift voucher.
We would not advise that the traversing kings rely on navigation by
stars in order to reach their destinations and suggest the use of RAC
Routefinder or satellite navigation, which will provide the quickest
route and advice regarding fuel consumption. Please note as per the
guidelines from the RSPCA for Mr Donkey, the camels carrying the three
kings of Orient will require regular food and rest breaks. Facemasks
for the three kings are also advisable due to the likelihood of dust
from the camel feet.
Away in a Manger No Crib for a bed - This is definitely one for Social services!
