Problems

[Borlotti]

My son is going through a divorce.  He has come back home to live here.  He has been married for 18 years with three children and his wife wanted to live alone (ha, ha) with the children, but found out she has been having an affair with a policeman since last Christmas. The policeman had already left his wife and 3 children and was living with his sister.  My son smashed her mobile phone as she was texting the other man and she got him arrested for assault but they dropped the charges but he was banned from his house.  Her boyfriend has now moved into the house, that my son did all the work on as he is a carpenter and he is paying the mortgage and can't live there.  Also he has a bill of over £2,000 from his solicitor.  It goes to court in January.  It has really upset me, but I suppose it happens a lot nowadays.  The trouble is the policeman seems to know the law and can stay there as a guest but it does seem very unfair.  We know he will have to pay for the children, which he doesn't mind, but the thought of another man in his house and bed seems to take the biscuit. The house is up for sale, but hasn't sold, so hopefully everything will sort itself out in the end.  At least my son is still working and didn't seem too depressed last night.  Feel a lot better now I have got that off my chest.

[Borlotti]

[saddad]

Sorry to hear that. Hope things work out for the best. Touchwood it hasn't happened directly to me but my parents divorced when I was a teenager and all my siblings (4) have had at least one divorce each...  :(

[grannyjanny]

So sorry to hear this Borlotti. I think the law can be an ass when it comes to divorce. How are the children, I hope your relationship isn't compromised in any way.

[betula]

Stay strong B.

So hard when one of our children has such a problem to deal with,even if they are all grown up.

Hugs  x

[Borlotti]

The children are OK and still have a good relationship with their Dad.  James is 16 so in time he can decide if he wants to live with Dad, but obviously they all still love their Mum (only natural).   My son has given her the people carrier (car thing) so she can still drive the children about, but he saw the policeman driving it the other day. Thanks for your support, maybe when the new relationship goes wrong she will want my son back, he still loves her, but doesn't think he could ever go back as the trust has gone.
Anyway he is going to do some work in my house and perhaps if he stays for a long time, we may move and get a bigger house (with an enormous garden, greenhouse) etc and I will give up the allotment. Don't think we can afford it as he will probably have to pay her loads of money as he has a good job, at present. Thanks for your support.  Should be warmer tomorrow so a walk to the allotment will be good.

[shirlton]

So sorry to hear about your problems Borlotti. I thinks the men get a raw deal in situations as this. The wife moves in with another breadwinner and the innocent party have to pay for the kids. The wife does quite well all in all. Our son although not married had a child and his partner went off with someone else and had 4 more children.Then our son met someone with 2 children and he is having to pay for his own son as well. Alas the girl he is with gets nothing from her previous as he is on benefit.
The law really needs to be looked in to.
I hope that it all gets sorted

[PurpleHeather]

I can imagine the rage you feel inside.

The worse thing is that you have to keep your 'thoughts to yourself' in these situations and keep out of it. Just be there as needed.

So you come on here and rant as often as you feel like. And give that piece of your mind to us lot as often as you want.

See if Sam can put this on the listening post too might be a good idea.

[ACE]

I can see the lawyers rubbing their grubby hands in glee. Tell him to settle as much as he can out of court otherwise they will both be losers. Just call a truce until everything has settled.

[Obelixx]

Divorce and separation can be very messy but it's best, if possible, to be as cool and detached as possible when trying to sort it all out.   Your son should, at the very least, consult a solicitor or the Citizens' Advice Bureau about his rights regarding access, child support, house (mortgage payments, sale proceeds etc) and then settle what he can amicably and without teh expense of going to court.   He should also check the insurance policy on the family car as regards use by other drivers.   

Personally I don't believe he should have to support his wife financially if she has chosen to end their relationship.  That's up to her and her new man who should, in my view, also be paying rent.

I wish you and your son all the best in working through a difficult situation.



   

[Borlotti]

Well it is now September, and things seem to have calmed down.  My son is living here, has to pay £900 a month for the 3 children, because he has a good job at present, but have had the eldest child here for 2 weeks as he was on job experience in London, and 2nd eldest coming tomorrow. Boys that age can certainly eat, but that is good, no food wasted.  The washing machine has been going like mad, and have quite enjoyed cooking for between 4 to 7 people.  They certainly enjoyed the allotment food. Son gone back to being a teenager and singing in the bedroom.  Just looked up to see how the time had flown.  Going to put up a 'bed and breakfast' sign outside the house, find it very tiring having the grandchildren here, must be getting old, but they seem to appreciate it.

[betula]

Glad you are enjoying some family time B ;D

[lincsyokel2]

Man taking on Family courts, divorce courts or CAFCAS = onto a loser, all biassed against him

Anyone taking on a copper in a personal matter = onto a loser, police are above the law and can manipulate the courts.

You poor lad has all the cards stackied against him, its sucks bigtime.

Personally  i loathe the police, ive had several encounters with them in court over various matters,  and won every time, but largely speaking they are corrupt, incompentant, lying and consider themselves above the law as a perk of the job.

The police used to be a service you can trust, not anymore, thery are now just a money making business, and we are the revenue source.