Author Topic: drug tests for gardeners (Read 3728 times)

ACE · « **on:** July 26, 2007, 17:08:27 »

I did not want to hijack the tour de france thread, but they are all going on about the performance enhancing drugs a few of the cyclist are taking.

The sportsmen cannot hold their heads up proudly, they know they are not really winners.

It's a good job they do not test gardeners. I need a cocktail of pills and potions to get through the day and 'enhance' my performance. A lifetime of earning a living has left me with arthritic joints so pain killers are high on the list. Then something for my head to calm me down. Then the caffein in my coffee to keep me going for 10 to 12 hours, and to cap it all something to get me to sleep at night. I won't mention the viagra! (which I only take to stop me rolling out of bed). Add a wee drop of gin then shake it all up.

I wonder how many of these things add up to a banned substance and how would we get on if gardening was a sport.

HEADLINE NEWS
'Ace was stripped of a gold medal at Chelsea when traces of a perfomance enhancing drug (pro plus) was found in a random check.

froglets · « **Reply #1 on:** July 26, 2007, 17:35:54 »

...and the decongestants, anti-histamines, anti-spasmodics, anti inflammatories, and the midge repellant, and the citronella.

And that's on a good day!

Trixiebelle · « **Reply #2 on:** July 26, 2007, 18:02:15 »

I'd fail a test. Years of digging has resulted in Tennis Elbow (stupid name for a gardener's affliction)

So I went to the docs to be injected IN MY ELBOW JOINT with steroids a few years ago:

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

F**k that. I'd rather overdose on Nurofen Plus and be convicted of buying black-market codeine.

But don't let me influence you :)

OllieC · « **Reply #3 on:** July 26, 2007, 18:12:41 »

Well, as already mentioned, I'm pretty much off my face on Codeine & Diazepams at the moment - all prescribed on this occasion! Don't think I'd pass any tests right now.

ACE · « **Reply #4 on:** July 26, 2007, 18:28:21 »

Quote from: Trixiebelle on July 26, 2007, 18:02:15

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I had that done once. Never again, Can I join you

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

OllieC · « **Reply #5 on:** July 26, 2007, 18:40:37 »

Quote from: ACE on July 26, 2007, 18:28:21

Quote from: Trixiebelle on July 26, 2007, 18:02:15

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I had that done once. Never again, Can I join you

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I'm just mildly psychotic. Can I join you too?

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

saddad · « **Reply #6 on:** July 26, 2007, 21:58:57 »

That's before you eat some of the stuff... like Good King Henry... and a urine test after Asparagus or Beetroot could be amusing...
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
;D

Jeannine · « **Reply #7 on:** July 26, 2007, 22:20:31 »

I dread to think what a drug test would reveal in my piddle, I wonder what the testers would make of the rat poison!!

XX Jeannine

Mrs Ava · « **Reply #8 on:** July 26, 2007, 23:24:45 »

You read my mind saddad, after scoffing too much warm beetroot the other day and having a shock in the lav later! ;D

Curryandchips · « **Reply #9 on:** July 26, 2007, 23:34:28 »

Hope this is considered still on topic ...

We had a period of random visits at our college by the drug squads, highlighting the topic of drugs. The dogs were brought in, and proper searches were done.

I told the officers beforehand, that upstairs in the workshop storeroom, where I brew my coffee, I had a large carrier bag of a brown powder, that was actually coffee grounds (for my plot), just in case the dogs encountered it ... :D

grawrc · « **Reply #10 on:** July 27, 2007, 00:05:02 »

Hope this is on topic too?

A young policeman came to our house the day after Peter died to discuss the procedures with me. AS he walked into our living room he went straight over to the seed trays at the window and said "Ah! You're growing chillies!"
Quick as a flash I retorted "Phew I'm glad I moved the other stuff before you got here"!! He laughed out loud and informed me that cannabis was not his department!

Needless to say there was no cannabis as he knew very well.

ACE · « **Reply #11 on:** July 27, 2007, 09:36:55 »

Quote from: Curry on July 26, 2007, 23:34:28

Hope this is considered still on topic ...

Quote from: grawrc on July 27, 2007, 00:05:02
Hope this is on topic too?

Lets not get paranoid, just because somebody does not like her threads hijacked, does not mean we are all worried about it. I do not intentially hijack a thread, but I'm all for a bit of digression on mine.

Jeannine · « **Reply #12 on:** July 27, 2007, 10:54:10 »

ACE... you never said anything more true, There is a strong sense of paranoia running through the site since the Hi Jacking post and I am find it more than a little sad,and yes, I am going off topic writing it here.

Ah!! Perhaps it is all the drugs I take and maybe I should be tested in case I decide to become an athlete instead of a gardener.(Does that cover all valid points)

I have decided if anyone decides at anytime they are going to offer me a urine test in the future I shall eat the following before hand.

Poached fish in an egg sauce,with asparagus , beetroot, Jerusalem Artichokes,followed by my medications. Dessert will be something made with cranberries and as a cocktail I will drink lots of Certo with grape juice.

They will find ammonia, funny colour, a heck of a weird smell,crystals,rat poison,acid, and a jelly consistency. That should sort them!!

XX Jeannine

Froglegs · « **Reply #13 on:** July 27, 2007, 11:17:56 »

:o Jeannine you are one of the reasons smoking was band in public a naked flame next to you and who knows what mite happen. :-X

Paulines7 · « **Reply #14 on:** July 27, 2007, 12:08:15 »

I would fail a drugs test for sure. My daily intake is 8 opioids, 8 Paracetamol, 3 anti-inflammatories (NSAIDs) for osteoarthritis. I also take 5 other prescribed drugs for high blood pressure, high cholesterol and gout. Added to this daily intake are 8 complementary pills such as multi-vits, cod liver oil etc., not forgetting the two laxatives to keep me going with all those painkillers.

The good news is that I am to have a total knee replacement on October 1st so hopefully will not need so many analgesics in the long term. At least both my knees will match then, as I already have a nine inch scar running down my right knee from having the joint replaced 6 years ago. ;D

I am probably as guilty as anyone for going off subject and here I am doing it again in the wrong place, but I love this forum especially the way it is so chatty. Perhaps it is something to do with all the drugs I take. ::)

Oldmanofthewoods · « **Reply #15 on:** July 27, 2007, 12:15:23 »

It took my Father 1hr to go under for an operation to get a few lumps of schrapnel out of his back. the Army medic suggested that it was the amount of vodka (Born a Jam Roll) in his bloodstream.

I had an operation 3 years ago and it took nearly an hour for me to go under. I didn't mention that I had visted my Father the day before and that we had a couple of swift ones in his shed.

What a clean living family we are!

Heldi · « **Reply #16 on:** July 27, 2007, 13:10:06 »

I don't take owt me. Not had a drinkie poo for days and coffee is decaf. You'll be relieved to know that I've made an appointment with the Doc's in order to remedy this situation at once!. ;D

theothermarg · « **Reply #17 on:** July 27, 2007, 13:38:59 »

cannot remember the last time i had a perscription ;D i.ll see if i can remidy that cuz now i,m a OAP it,s free as is the bus pass i tried out the other day ooops
(off subject) ;D
marg

Jeannine · « **Reply #18 on:** July 27, 2007, 15:55:57 »

Hey Pauline I think we take the same orescription !!!

Oldmanofthewoods · « **Reply #19 on:** July 27, 2007, 22:42:41 »

I had a perscription once; couldn't read it so I never bothered.

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Author Topic: drug tests for gardeners (Read 3728 times)