Topic: rotovator - not for faint hearted

[Multiveg]

Maybe I should go simple - and just bury the body. Then plant the raspberries in that patch.

How deep does your topsoil go? Wondering in, say summer, digging the area as deep as A can, then body plus lots of manure on top, then the soil. Cover ground with one mulching plastic/weed control (just in case some plotters bring dogs..),.... until autumn when raspberry canes can be planted.  Mobile phone - it was the triangulation of mobile phone signals that pinpointed the last whereabouts of those poor lasses, so maybe the site has intermittent network coverage..

Hmm, its looking like I, me, is planning a murder  :-\  :o ::)

[robkb]

Hi Multiveg,

Dunno if you've seen it, but in the film 'Fargo' I seem to remember the murderer disposing of one of his victims in a huge shredder/chipper contraption. The scene was shot from a distance, but I definitely remember various body parts sticking out of one end and big spray of god knows what coming out of the other :P

Cheers,
Rob ;)

[Multiveg]

Looking at an amazon order anyway, so might add that film on dvd to it  ;D

[Lily]

Mm, I do hope this murder is fiction, don't want to be an accomplice ;D  ;D

Some top soil is not very deep on allotments.  Even with double digging, I'm not too sure if you would get deep enough to bury a whole body.  However, I did see on the TV, that one chap built up the mulching on his raspberries a good foot or more, so I guess it is feasible to bury a body as deep as possible, plant the raspberries and put a good layer of top soil and manure/ Mulch at the base of each plant.  

A good variety of raspberries would be Autumn Bliss - very tasty too.  These are cut down each year and new growth appears at the base of the bush.  Often these new growths can spread out around the bush and in a year or two you have a pretty dense growth of raspberries.  Or to prevent the body being dug up by animals etc. a weed suppresent could be used then add mulch on top of this.

Companion planting would help in disguising the smell of a rotting body.  Lots of herbs, garlic and onions.

If A becomes the site representative of the allotment, over the years she could control who gets what plot and who lights fires etc.

Keeping track of who takes over by asking what they do for a living - if bones are scattered, she doesn't want any retired policemen/women taking over any of the plots.

'A' could be found out when the husband of a regular plot holder retires and is persuaded by his wife to help her out on the lottie.  He gives it a good digging over ready for the potatoes going in - potatoes need a good covering of manure a few weeks before planting and need to be worked in.  He finds a few remnants of bones, his suspicion is aroused, because he is a retired 'forensic investigator' and knows a bone or two!! ;D  ;D

I wish it to be known that the friend I share my lottie with is a very good friend, we meet regularly on a weekend and I have no intention of bumping her off. ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D

Lily

[undercarriage plan]

Well, I've now got a very worried OH, have been asking him how he'd get rid of a body on the plot....but forgot to tell him why I was asking!!!!  ;D ;)
Lottie

[Multiveg]

Had a thought then = body under the raspberries and all that. Wonder if A can have an accident and is in a coma for ages - perhaps she loses her memory! She would have to give the allotment up....

Could get him to do the digging and things if A gets pregnant.  Perhaps A has missed her period a couple of days after she catches them at it. Decides to get rid of B because wants sprog to have a father around??? Perhaps A had already been a mistress or had known that her hubby had previous affairs, but the latest was someone she knew - B, her friend.....

Perhaps we should have a story competition!!! Murder and body disposal on the allotment!!!

[Doris_Pinks]

Multi, would be easy on mine as it, like many lotties, backs onto the cemetary, just add victim to a freshly dug grave! Mwahahahahahahaha

[redimp]

You are going to have one of the wierdest list of credits at the front of your book (confidently assuming you will get it published)

Thanks for suggestions and support must go to:

Wardy
Undercarriage Plan
Doris_Pinks
Multiveg
etc.

[Derek]

Serious or silly it may be but I have thoroughly enjoyed the sometimes hilarious comments.

May I suggest that we some  A4A Oscars' for 2005.

1.  The person who makes us laugh the most.

2.  The most inventive allotmenteer

3.  Skip scrounger of the year

There has to be more.....

Derek

[Multiveg]

Was hoping that the plot is in a low signal area for mobile phones - they won't be able to triangulate a position (which has been used to pinpoint those unfortunate wee young lasses in Cambridgeshire a couple of years ago). Was almost thinking of having A kill the hubby as well - perhaps he comes to the plot and she has to kill him as he has seen B in her unfortunate state. Perhaps an engraved ring that B was wearing is tight on finger, and A can't get it off (no butter? handy) - when the bodies are discovered, B can be identified.

Have ordered a crime writing handbook thing from amazon. Will leave these things as ideas for the moment - not sure which perspective to narrate the story: as it happens, a reunion where the non appearance of B starts the question ball rolling, or from a forensic & police interview end when the pieces are put together when the bodies are found.

[Robert_Brenchley]

If it's in a shallow enough grave for digging to find it, then foxes or dogs would dig it up. Put in in real deep and put a load of manure over it. Leave it to ripen for a year, so nothing can dig it up and thermal imaging can't find it, then plant an apple tree over it.

[Robert_Brenchley]

Not saying, but my brother has written some crime fiction.

[myrtle]

Why Exeter, Multiveg? :o

My lottie is in Exeter, I'm just about to take delivery of a ton of manure! :o And move the raspberries! :o
We are not allowed to have fires though! Thankfully.  ;D

[Multiveg]

How deep are we talking Robert? Ooo, should A plant a green manure that would be in position for over a year? Which manure?

Googled for bonfire regulations, and Exeter council was one of the first ones to come up.

Amazon have despatched the crime writing book, so Monday (hopefully), will be engrossed in that.

[Mimi]

  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o Your all mad.........mad I say!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[undercarriage plan]

Think you should go with pigs....they have tough old jaws and could just eat all the evidence.....+ you'd get bacon, sausages, chops......
Lottie  ;D

[Multiveg]

Did anyone ever read those books where you chose what happened next? Say, if the character turned right, turn to page 35, if the character turned left, turn to page 46..... make your own adventure books .... I never read one though.

Thats a point, a will..... perhaps I could make it look like the two timing *** killed B then killed himself on the plot, and A discovers them and buries them (presuming it takes place on the plot, and she was going to meet them there anyway).... Could get all complicated. I remember in school, some of the class could do each others' signatures... Maybe A could do B's signature which could increase the time B could go missing before causing suspicion. Maybe they even have keys to each others' houses.... Perhaps A could go on a spending spree with B's credit card on the computer. Perhaps A could use B's computer to write an email to her, covering tracks......

[Robert_Brenchley]

Put it at least 3-4 feet down I should think, and remember they can still find it by thermal imaging, unless you've got anice warm heapof rotting muck or something similar over the top.

[Bionic Wellies]

Note to self: never annoy any of this lot.

[Lily]

I can just see the headlines:

'Body found on Allotment, members of Allotments4All arrested for conspiracy'

 ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D

Lily