Topic: How to deal with personal attacks at meetings?

[sarahbell]

Does anyone have any hints on dealing with personal attacks at (AGM) meetings?

There's lots of us stressed about AGM and people not being nice - but how do you deal with them?

[Squash64]

Does anyone have any hints on dealing with personal attacks at (AGM) meetings?

There's lots of us stressed about AGM and people not being nice - but how do you deal with them?

In our case, I think kidnapping is the only option but I will be very interested to
hear how others deal with them.

[sparrow]

In my (limited) experience it really helps to keep taking any conversation back to the issue at hand and being very clear before and during the conversation that personal attacks are not tolerated. It takes persistence, using a reasonable voice at all times. If the person won't play nice then you have to shut it down - I like the other suggestions on here for getting people to put things down in writing in advance, and offering a separate committee meeting to deal with the issue if needed.

[goodlife]

We've had odd occasion over the years but not often. Usually it is case 'no names mentioned' and everything is dealt as a issue rather than allowed it go personal. We try to keep AGM 'non personal' and it is not place for 'dirty laundry'. But suppose it all comes down to people running the 'show' and how strong willed they are to keep the AGM in order. If it goes nasty and personal, it causes bad atmosphere and will stop many attending in following years. We try to increase our member numbers to AGM, or at least keep it on similar lever from previous years (45-50%).
Our 'new' policy that we are going to start repeat like a mantra to everybody..."if you have problems..put it in writing and we as committee deal with it" Not even secretary is allowed to deal with complains on his own..it is united front now on..
When we take to allotment..you also sign form where you agree to the rules....also there is the final line "committee's decision is final"..sounds very tyranny like, but if it comes to it..it is the final 'card in the sleeve' against those that are troublesome...luckily one that we rarely have had to use.

Edit to add.. I was thinking your question for while...I always try to talk 'sense' to people, like peacekeeper, so if I would face situation being attacked or witnessing somebody else being attacked..I'm sure I would stand up and just say what I think of personal attacks..and ask the person keep the issue in facts..that's if there is real issue to talk about. Usually being honest with one's approach will be embarrassment enough and sort the situation. If it doesn't resolve...and chairman hasn't stepped into picture..there is nothing stopping you demanding from the committee to 'stop this kind personal unnecessary attacks'. After all.. AGM is a 'general' meeting, about 'general' business, things that matter everybody in 'general'...any personal issues can be brought to committee to solve behind the scenes..not on front of the growds.
 Would it go that far, it would make me wonder if the there is right people in place to run the meeting/'club'.

[pumkinlover]

The personal attacks I have to cope with are when no-one else is around.
In our meetings it doesn't happen because the person responsible would not do it in public.
I would have thought the broken record of "Personal attacks will not be tolerated" or "There is no place for personal attacks here or anywhere else" Repeat as necessary, and offer to answer complaints in writing to the committee.

[goodlife]

The personal attacks I have to cope with are when no-one else is around.
In our meetings it doesn't happen because the person responsible would not do it in public.
I would have thought the broken record of "Personal attacks will not be tolerated" or "There is no place for personal attacks here or anywhere else" Repeat as necessary, and offer to answer complaints in writing to the committee.

Oh we do get plenty of those..nothing like good back stabbing when person in the receiving end is not around to defend themselves...or the attacker is not 'man' enough to say it straight on the face.
supposed it is 'human nature' ..it doesn't make it any more acceptable but that's how it is. Same kind of people and often same issues no matter what allotment or even country..

[Digeroo]

I cannot understand the number of threads about difficulties at AGMs.  What is the matter with people?  They ought to be grateful for the job you are doing.  Growing veg should be a peaceful occupation.

I think what you need is a Vuvuzela.  Then when anyone becomes difficult you simply honk very loudly.

Actually I think you need some red and yellow cards.  If they get difficult they get a yellow card and if they get two they get sent off or in this case asked to leave the meeting.

[Squash64]

I cannot understand the number of threads about difficulties at AGMs.  What is the matter with people?  They ought to be grateful for the job you are doing.  Growing veg should be a peaceful occupation.

I think what you need is a Vuvuzela.  Then when anyone becomes difficult you simply honk very loudly.

Actually I think you need some red and yellow cards.  If they get difficult they get a yellow card and if they get two they get sent off or in this case asked to leave the meeting.

What a brilliant idea - where can I buy a vuvuzela please? 

[Obelixx]

An effective chairman will call the offender(s) to order and, if necessary censure them and maybe even eject them from the meeting.    If this is not the case, you need to change chairman and can propose his or her replacement at the earliest possible occasion.   If it is committee members being abusive you can move to have them voted off.

If it is ordinary members, they can be asked to behave with due politeness and state their problems in a reasonable and calm manner.   In theory, at an AGM, you can only vote on matters which have been mentioned in advance in the agenda for the meeting so you may need an EGM at which such problems can be discusssed and voted on.   Usually at EGMs the rules for quorums and so on are more relaxed.

Committee members who are on the receiving end of abuse should remain calm and polite at all times and can, of course, resign if they feel unable to continue in such an atmosphere but I find it's best to sit tight and get on with the job as best as possibe and make sure the eejits don't end up on the committee by default and make things even worse.

[Digeroo]

I think what you need is a Vuvuzela.

I am not sure this was a serious suggestion.

This is about the cheapest I can find

http://www.amazon.co.uk/AlterEGlow-Woofer-Cheer-Horn-UV/dp/B003ZD949C/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1395683929&sr=8-5&keywords=vuvuzela

This one is about the same price with free delivery but you have to be sure you get free delivery later on.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Vuvuzela-Fanhorn-Official-Instrument-African/dp/B003S0TVJU/ref=pd_cp_k_h_b_cs_0

This one has a air pump with it.

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/like/350877559825?hlpht=true&ops=true&viphx=1&lpid=95&device=c&adtype=pla&crdt=0&ff3=1&ff11=ICEP3.0.0&ff12=67&ff13=80&ff14=95&ff19=0

[Nora42]

How about you video them making the attack - play it back and ask them if they would behave this way at work, in front of their children etc - research anger management treatments in your area and refer them to it.
Stop them and ask if they have followed the proper route for airing their grievance. if not ask them politely to refrain and invite them to put into writing the problem so it can be dealt with at the next meeting.

Failing all else being quick witted with a killer stand up comedian come back is a good one. Or just invite them up and ask them to chair the meeting this one really works and when they reply that they don't want to do it you can ask them very politely if they wouldn't mind you carrying on with the job you were doing before they began their own personal vendetta.
Nora

[digmore]

Please, don't think I am being obtuse, when you say personal attacks, do you mean about your ability to do the job or something you have or have not done. Or about you personally, one ear bigger than the other, that sort of thing.

If its the former, you have to stand by and be judged on your actions. No need to be shouted at, your not deaf, just say so.

As to the latter, if its race, colour, shape or gender or other personal reason, the chair should step in and sort the matter out as totally unacceptable. How far it goes is upto you. In this age of technology, record the attack, sound or visual.

But do not get into a slanging match, I would suggest a benign smile.

Digmore. 

[artichoke]

Our AGMs have been friendly and jolly, with wine taken. That is partly because the nay sayers do not come. But one of them walks round the site button-holing people quietly working on their plots and drones on for ages about his personal gripes. He has done it to me on many occasions, and has a sort of "rondo" way of talking. Whatever you say to be mollifying or apologetic, or to make sure he is thanked for whatever he has done for us all, he returns to his opening sentences over and over again.

It is difficult to get on with what I am doing - it seems rude to ignore him and carry on digging....what do other people do? It is not an "attack" exactly, just a long dreary moan. Incidentally, his allotment is the best on the site and he is helpful with advice.

[gavinjconway]

Simple solution is to listen to the complaint about you then in a calm voice give the chair a reply as to why, what etc. dont address the person - address the chair. If you are in the wrong just apologise and say you tried your best etc... everyone is human and mistakes are made.. Dont address the person as it will make them feel like they have won... you win by replying calmly to the chair.

p.s I say this to you but I cant do a calm voice easily if my feathers are ruffled.. I have to take a deep breath, think of a suitable answer and speak it out slowly..

The chair should also address the person in a manner to calm them down if they are being obstinate etc.. and bring order to the meeting.

p.s.
Every committee that I've been on in my previous life in Africa or here in the UK on our allotment committee have been a real pleasure to be part of.. If I was to get abuse from the committee or general member I'd ask them to stand on the committee instead of me and see how they react--- not me they would say. We always ask at our allotment  AGM for new members to come on the committee and we dont get any takers.. We generally have to speak personally to people who we think would be good to have on board. bad committee's breed bad members so one has to be wary of that as well.

[digmore]

Well said Gavin.

Digmore. 

[Unwashed]

In our case, I think kidnapping is the only option but I will be very interested to
hear how others deal with them.

:)

[sarahbell]

The chair should also address the person in a manner to calm them down if they are being obstinate etc.. and bring order to the meeting.

And what if it is them?

[goodlife]

Then it can be said in meeting on front of everybody..stand up saying they attitude it is totally unacceptable behaviour, remind them how they should behave and ask are they able to do so, if not, remind them there always possibility of re-election of officers. Tell them that in their position they are suppose to 'drive the bus'..not go and 'smash it against the barriers'...tyranny is not what committee is chosen for but to ensure things are run by the rules that the society/club/council has put in place for everybody's sake.
They are there for everybody not for their own egos!
 

[gavinjconway]

Yeah good reply Goodlife... Sarahbell you hadn't said it was the chair being a bully...

I would calmly reply to them about it - noting the bad behaviour to the rest of the meeting. If I was actually in the wrong I would  then also just apologise and sit back.   If I was in the right I would simply give my apologies and leave the meeting citing the reason for leaving was the bullying being carried out.

[sarahbell]

they are suppose to 'drive the bus'..not go and 'smash it against the barriers'...

That is beautiful!