Cleaning! Why do wimmen have to make sure the house is thoroughly cleaned before we go away, just to come back to a clean house?
She has to go to work today so muggins has been given his orders to clean the house, renew the bedding, and waste my day off which I was going to practice my holiday mode, loafing about gin in hand etc.
Make sure you clean the toilets! what's that all about, the things flush and clean theirselves. The there's stuff to put in the washing machine, well the ruddy thing is so complicated you need a degree to programme it. She had to get the biggest, bestest, expensive, most modern thing in the shop, the old one still worked, just bung it in press a button and as long as it gets the skidmarks off the undercrackers, what more do you want.
The hoover is just the same, she had to get one that deals with dogs hair, another biggest, bestest, most expensive one, all it does is suck up the rugs and spread the smell of dog around the house. Not anymore it don't. A liberal dose of her 'Essex Girl' smelly perfume tipped in the filter and now the place smells like a whores handbag.
Dust and polish, another waste of time, it will all be dusty again when we get back, so a quick flick and a spray of polish in the air to give it that just cleaned ambience and she won't know the difference.
Clean the cooker, now she should have learnt her lesson with that one after I used a scouring pad on the ceramic hot plate years ago. I will just turn it all on at full blast and it should burn all the dirt off. Another biggest, bestest, most expensive thing in the shop, it says self clean, well lets see if it lives up to it's claims.
I should be spending my time wisely and making sure the cocktail cabinet in the caravan is properly stocked as my fist stop is a place called Moira Furnace in the wilds of leicester and there might not be a pub for miles..
Oh well, that's my teabreak over, better get back to work.
