Topic: AT MY WHITS END

[jimtheworzel]

been ill for last few weeks, i applied for carers allowance, but didnt get it. my son who lives with me only pays a peppercorn rent, now says no cash no care
what a let down from my own son, so what now, should i sling im out
at my whits end at the moment.

JIMTHEWORZEL

[saddad]

No cash, from him... no digs... tell him to S*d off...  >:(

[Old bird]

Jim

If he doesn't pay then he doesn't get the service!

If you were not related - he would not be allowed to stay there without paying rent or keep.

Find out why he thinks he can live for free.  I would suggest that he moves in with his friends or whoever may also take him in but don't lose your son over it. 

Good luck with it.

Old Bird

[GrannieAnnie]

Many a parent has caved on this one and become An Enabler. I'd advise: don't go there.

It is strange how that works. Instead of the offspring becoming very grateful to the parent for supporting him I think it works the opposite! The supporting  parent now looks like a sucker to the offspring- though of course they don't say that-

and in addition the offspring thinks LESS of themselves also because he thinks his parent thinks he isn't capable of taking care of himself.

Therefore he never tries to become adult in his thinking.

I've seen cases where it even goes into another cycle: the kid then brings home the pregnant girlfriend... ::) at which point the parent feels REALLY guilty:  " Why I couldn't throw out my grandchild!"

[Digeroo]

For carers allowance your son has to apply, and you have to get to the higher rate of attendance allowance or middle or higher rate of disabled living allowance.  If he has a job he will loose it and if he is on benefits he will loose some of that.

It should be easy: no care no bed.  But presume at the moment you need help so throwing him out would cause you problems. 

Suggest you pay him for the care in the form of an IOU and then simply take it back in lieu of rent. 

I think a quiet heart to heart chat is what is called for.

[Paulines7]

If your illness is going to be long term then you could contact Social Services and ask for someone to visit you.  They will tell you what, if any, benefits you are entitled to and will assess any other needs that you may have.  There may be special equipment that they could provide which would help you.  You could also discuss with the Social Worker the problem you have with your son. 

Good luck.

[lorna]

Jim. I do hope you soon recover from your weeks of illness. Your son? How sad, all I can say is that how  lucky I am to have a caring loving family, we are always there for each other. Wishing you well Jim. Hope you follow Pauline's suggestions and see what help you can get.

[jimtheworzel]

bump

my son came in last night. and i could detect a change in attitude as to what had been said
lets hope things settle down now

after all blood is thicker than water

[1066]

Lets hope so Jim. Sometimes families can be hard work, but in the end I find things usually work out. Paulines suggestion of getting some advice sounds very practical to me. The likes of CAB and Age Concern are good for all sorts of practical advice and form filling

[davyw1]

Come Saturday give him a bit of pay back when he is in his room.

Shout up the stairs " Pack your bags i have won the lottery "

If he he answers " Why are we going on holiday"

Reply " No your leaving"

[coznbob]

Hope everyhing works out ok Jim

[halfofmanic]

Come Saturday give him a bit of pay back when he is in his room.

Shout up the stairs " Pack your bags i have won the lottery "

If he he answers " Why are we going on holiday"

Reply " No your leaving"

Bit harsh       but funny all the same :o ::) ;D

[cornykev]

Harsh my arse, if he doesn't come round Jimbo kick the little fecker out, now thats harsh.  :(        :-X     ;D ;D ;D

[Ishard]

Hang on YOU dont apply for carers allowance the little sh*t does.

YOU get attendance allowance and if you have been refused then appeal the decision.

I suggest you take a look at the link I posted Jim.

http://www.elderabuse.org.uk/

Sling him out Jim, there are other nicer people who would be willing to help you in your hour of need.
 I know it hurts but sometimes needs must.

[lushy86]

I really hope your son realises what he said, the last thing you need when you are poorly is trouble in the family.  Try to have that heart to heart and get some help and advice.  Hope you feel better soon Jim  ;)

Lushy x