THE BEST REASONS EVER
FOR NOT EXERCISING
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60.
She's 97 now and we have no idea where she is.
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that
I could hear heavy breathing again.
I joined a health club last year, spent about £400.
Haven't lost a pound apparently you have to show up.
I have to exercise in the morning before my brain
figures out what I'm doing.
I don't exercise at all. If God meant for us to touch
our toes, he would have them further up their body.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by
people who annoy me.
I don't jog. It makes the ice jump right out of
my glass.
TIPS ON LIFE
Old telephone directories make ideal personal address books.
Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.
When reading a book try tearing out the pages as you read them.
This saves the expense of buying a bookmark.
If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava,
let 'em go, because, man, they're gone.
If you go to a costume party at your boss's house, wouldn't
you think a good idea would be to dress up like
the boss's wife? ... Trust me, it's not.
CLICHÉ'S ON LIFE
Definition of cliche ~ A worn out phrase
You can decide your own life, don't worry about others.
Get up, your going to sleep your life away!
Wives often object to life insurance, widows never do.
The road of life is rough and tough.
Life is not all fun and games.
Life is so short, I want to experience as much as possible.
Life is not so bad when you consider the alternative.
THINK ON THIS
I don't believe that the world owes me a living - but for the
amount I get, an apology would be nice.
When signwriters go on strike ~~
is anything written on their placards.
WHY IS IT ?
That when you keep putting off making a particular phone
call, then you finally make the call ~ and the number is engaged.
That goods sent by road or rail are called a shipment, but
the same goods sent by ship are called cargo.
SNIPPETS
I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week.
I intend to live forever ~ so far, so good.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because
then I would have all my money back.
It's easy to sit and say you'd like to have more money.
I guess that's what I like about it.
It's easy. Just sitting there, rocking back & forth,
wanting that money.
You will never get dizzy doing good turns.
A librarian, when asked the best way to trace the family
tree, replied ...
"Win the Lottery."
Q ~ Why do only 10% of men make it to Heaven ?
A ~ Because if they all went it would be Hell.
Q ~ Why do men like smart women ?
A ~ Because opposites attract.
