Author Topic: Cat Rules for Hampering a Human (Read 4020 times)

katynewbie · « **on:** August 29, 2007, 00:54:08 »

All cat owners will be familiar with these...

If one of your humans is engaged in some activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping," otherwise known as "hampering." Following are the rules for "hampering:"

1) When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted.

2) For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book, unless you can lie across the book itself.

3) For paperwork, lie on the paper in the most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work as possible. Or pretend to doze, but occasionally reach out and slap the pencil or pen.

4) For people paying bills or working on income taxes or Christmas cards, keep in mind the aim: to hamper! First, sit on the paper being worked on. When dislodged, watch sadly from the side of the table. When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the papers, scattering them to the best of your ability. When being removed for the second time, make all four legs flail around wildly in order to push pens, pencils, and erasers off the table.

5) When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to jump on the back of the paper. Humans love surprises.

6) When a human is working at the computer, jump up on the desk, walk across the keyboard, bat at the mouse pointer on the screen and then lay in the human's lap across arms if possible to hamper typing in progress.

Deb P · « **Reply #1 on:** August 29, 2007, 07:14:17 »

;D ;D ;D

All seem very familiar...My three excell in the cunning 'wait until the human starts to walk and then accelerate into their path and stop dead so they trip over you, and THEY aplolgise for not seeing you!'

cocopops · « **Reply #2 on:** August 29, 2007, 11:56:43 »

Oh so true. My kittens have mastered this already and they are still young. The especially like working as a team when I am trying to read a book.

My youngest scared the living daylights out of me earlier. My mouse is on a pull-out keyboard, all of a sudden I felt tiny claws embedded in my fingers. This almost beats when she fell of the back of the workstation, and pulled out the main telephone / internet jack. It took my OH ages to get it working again.

Tin Shed · « **Reply #3 on:** August 30, 2007, 19:33:17 »

All very familiar - but need to add two more -
- if your human is in the bath relaxing, help by attacking their toes through the bubbles.
- when your human is wearing their best clothes, do make sure that you add some of your cat fur to them, this works best if you have light coloured fur and they are wearing dark clothes or vice versa.

moonbells · « **Reply #4 on:** September 03, 2007, 10:56:22 »

I'll add
"Always head butt the hand which is trying to move the mouse, so the human can't work on the PC, thus diverting them to paying attention to yourself" !!! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

moonbells

ps this works rather well when the human's working with a laptop on their knee

debster · « **Reply #5 on:** September 03, 2007, 11:13:01 »

ok so you lot think you got it hard with cats you should try doing anything with a parrot for a start the bite is much harder, they can attack you from above and can say so many things to you or ask you to join in with so many songs and games you finally give up and go and play with them lol ;D

kenkew · « **Reply #6 on:** September 03, 2007, 20:52:30 »

Solution.....feed the parrot to the cats. Or maybe not...you'll probably end up with a talking cat then, and cats have a way of getting their own way any way!
You could always get a dog, at least (most) dogs listen to the person buying their food!

theothermarg · « **Reply #7 on:** September 04, 2007, 20:42:21 »

headbutting the bottom of a hot mug of tea is popular here just when human is about to take a sip they make a funny noise as they choke but you do get noticed :P also another favorite is to act funny in passageway man human gets up to see what you are doing, you then shoot through his legs and up into the warm place he has vacated you then smile sweetly as he sweares cuz he,s fallen for it again ps doesn,t work on the female one
marg for bobcat

kitten · « **Reply #8 on:** September 05, 2007, 19:00:46 »

Knocking all the pens & pencils underneath the sofa is a good one, it means the humans can't do their lottie notes/crossword/work and you get all the attention ;) ;D ;D

Reading through this thread, i reckon our cat Polly's got an a level in hampering!

Deb P · « **Reply #9 on:** September 06, 2007, 10:59:26 »

I laughed out loud at Archie this morning....

I was sitting half awake on the loo first thing this morning, and he wandered in to say his morning 'hello-now-you-are-up-come-and-feed-us' reminder. He jumped up on the edge of the bath, (he is not the most agile or I have to say it bright of the three ginger boys), tried to squeeze himself on my lap, then fell into my pyjama bottoms sat around my knees! He sat there as if to say 'Well this is a nice little house!' but then started to panic as he heard my OH getting out of bed and heading for the bathroom....he couldn't get out! He tried squeezing his ample frame down one trouser leg, while I was giggling like mad, he eventually sussed he had to jump over the waistband again and legged it downstairs.......poor Archie! ;D

Emagggie · « **Reply #10 on:** September 06, 2007, 11:52:34 »

;D ;D ;D ;D @ Archie.
More rules:
Always wander in front of computer screen on the way 'there' and step on keyboard on the way back.
When human is working with fabric it is your duty to roll around in the middle and mess it all up as well as having a ripping time with tissue paper patterns.
Curl up on kitchen chair and DO NOT MOVE. Hang on for grim death, your human will eventually lift chair with you on it and change places with another.

Tin Shed · « **Reply #11 on:** September 07, 2007, 21:53:36 »

Another one - when the apples fall of the tree, help by bringing them either to the back door, or if feeling really helpful, bring through the cat flap and drop on the floor. Humans don't mind bruises or teeth marks in the apple!!!
This is really true - will try to get a photo of Minna en route to the back door with an apple!

Emagggie · « **Reply #12 on:** September 09, 2007, 08:00:48 »

This I would love to see. ;D Makes a nice chage from shrew or field mouse I'll bet!

Tin Shed · « **Reply #13 on:** September 09, 2007, 08:53:25 »

Camera at the ready!!

shirley B · « **Reply #14 on:** September 11, 2007, 07:08:05 »

I sentcat rules to my daughter, will post her reply ;D

Emagggie · « **Reply #15 on:** September 11, 2007, 10:54:35 »

Proof indeed that CATS RULE OK? ;D ;D ;D
That's a lovely cat happygnan.

kitten · « **Reply #16 on:** September 11, 2007, 19:10:04 »

That's certainly one gorgeous cat gnan ;D

carrot-cruncher · « **Reply #17 on:** September 18, 2007, 03:45:10 »

Stand just inside front door so when human comes in from work they immediately hit you. Then follows lots of picking up/cuddles/ milk etc

CC

jonny211 · « **Reply #18 on:** September 23, 2007, 19:01:10 »

If humans are not awake at 4am to feed you lick their faces until thrown off bed.

Any human passing 'your' house is eligible to be mugged for strokies. Do not let a single passer by get away without giving some.

When humans enter carrying shopping/suitcases/anything heavy weave between their legs as fast as possible. Run away when they fall.

asbean · « **Reply #19 on:** September 23, 2007, 19:08:09 »

Humans love breakfast in bed - particularly at 6 in the morning, and are especially partial to live mouse, dropped on the pillow for convenience. :P :P :P :P

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Author Topic: Cat Rules for Hampering a Human (Read 4020 times)