To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - at nose height.
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Dear Dogs and Cats,
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The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. ?The other dishes are mine and contain my food. ?Please note; placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your dish and food, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
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The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. ?Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
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***Val & Lisha*** the problem appears to be in the section about the King's size bed that stops you cutting and pasting.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. ?If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to shut the door, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the thingy or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. ?I must exit through the same door I entered. ?Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.
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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt.
I cannot stress this enough!
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To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door: ?
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets
1. They live here. ?You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture (that's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. ?To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
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Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. ? Eat less
2. ? Don't ask for money all the time
3. ? Are easier to train
4. ? Usually come when called
5. ? Never drive your car
6. ? Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. ? Don't smoke or drink
8. ? Don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions
9. ? Don't wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
