Young Jack had never done very well at school, he played truant regularly, and had little interest in the 3 Rs, and his teachers gloomily prophesied a life on the dole for him. However, Jack had an abiding passion which they did not know of - he was mad on disco dancing. Every evening he was off to the local disco, where, with or without partner, he gyrated for hours on end, perfecting his techniques. The regulars all knew he was good; he carried off first prize at every one of their monthly competitions, and Jack knew in his heart that if he worked hard enough at it he would go far. Not for him the dole queue or a dull factory job. He was going to hit the big time and become a star.
One evening the resident DJ said to him “Jack, it`s time you moved on, and started going for the bigger competitions. The County Show is on next month and for the first time ever they`re including a Disco Dancing Competition. Get your name down and start practising”. Jack needed no further encouragement. He entered his name in the competition and practised gyrating harder than ever. The organisers of the Show, wishing to make the competition a success, had engaged the famous Shakespearian actor Sir John Feelgood to present the prizes, and Jack was determined to be the one whose hand he shook. As the dancers performed Jack excelled himself, and the other competitors, realising his brilliance, moved back to give him the centre of the floor. At the end of the performance there was no doubt who was the winner, and Jack stepped up to the platform to receive first prize.
Meanwhile, outside the tent, the Fatstock competition was being held, and a huge boar (called Percy) was being paraded around the ring by his handler. Percy was quite clearly the biggest pig the county show had ever seen, and his handler was having difficulty controlling him. Now nobody will ever know quite why – whether it was a photographer`s flashgun or the noise from the Disco tent, but suddenly Percy bolted, snapping his leash, and, scattering the judges in his path, dashed straight through the side of the Disco tent, onto the stage where Jack was about to receive the prize, flattened Jack, breaking both his legs in the process, and then ran out through the audience. The audience screamed in terror and panic began to set in. Jack writhed about, flat on his back, and banged the stage repeatedly with his fists in frustration. Sir John, although temporarily taken aback, being the supreme trooper, knew that he must settle the audience and the show must go on, and after only a moment`s hesitation, he slipped into his most famous role and hunching his back, limped to the front of the stage, and in ringing tones declaimed:
“NOW IS THE WINNER IN OUR DISCO TENT MADE FURIOUS DRUMMER BY THIS TON OF PORK”
