Andrew McTavish was a true Scot, born and bred. He loved his Scottish food, he loved his Scottish drink, he loved the Scottish national game, and most of all he loved Scotland, but like so many Scots, he didn`t love Scotland enough to want to stay there, so he went to sea and became a ship`s engineer, finishing up as master of the engine room of a rusty old tramp steamer sailing among the Pacific Islands.
One night, as the old ship plodded across the Pacific it was struck by a typhoon, and, pushed well off course by the wind and waves, struck the submerged reef of an uncharted atoll, the stern section broke away from the rest of the hull, and both sections rapidly sank. The forward section sank on the outside of the reef, and those in it who were not drowned were quickly accounted for by the sharks, but Andrew, conscientious as ever, was the last man to leave the engine room, and went with the stern section inside the reef and was able to swim to the beach, where he passed out.
When Andrew recovered consciousness next morning his first sight was of a most beautiful dusky maiden, wearing hardly anything at all, who helped him to sit up, and asked him if he was all right. Andrew replied that there was “naething amiss that a good meal wouldna cure”, whereupon the maiden disappeared into the jungle, returning a few minutes later with a plate of steaming haggis and a stack of bannocks. Andrew quickly polished them off, and the maiden then enquired whether that was satisfactory. “Aye” replied Andrew, “but I wouldna mind a wee dram”. Again the maiden disappeared into the jungle, and returned a few minutes later with a bottle of 17 year old single malt whisky (Talisker actually) of which Andrew partook freely.
Having eaten and drunk his fill Andrew settled back onto the sand, and looked more carefully at the young maiden. She returned his gaze boldly for several minutes, then slowly and provocatively removed the few slight coverings that she wore and swayed sinuously to and fro, displaying the full beauty of her mouth-watering figure. She smiled, and said “Would you like to play around?”
Andrew`s eyes lit up, and he replied…
“Och lassie. Dinna tell me you`ve a set of golf clubs as well”
