My Christmas cake recipe!
Ingredients:
1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
lemon juice
4 large eggs
lots of nuts
1 bottle Brandy
2 cups of dried fruit
Sample the Brandy to check quality.
Take a large bowl, check the brandy again to be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer.
Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add one teaspoon of sugar.
Beat again.
At this point it's best to make sure the brandy is shtill OK.
Try another cup .... just in case.
Turn off the mixerer.
Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick fruit off floor.
Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a sdrewscriver.
Sample the brandy to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift two cups of salt.
Or something.
Who giveshz a sh*t.
Check the brandy
Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table.
Add a spoon of sugar, or sommat.........whatever you can find.
Greash the oven and pee in the fridge.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the brandy and kick the cat.
Fall into bed.
CHERRY MISTMAS!
