Topic: My tree's all lit up..

[Hyacinth]

and so am I !!! ;D ;D ;D

MERRY CRIMBO EVERYBODY !!!!

And dontcha just love the Sally Ann?? Been listening and singing along to this fab.CD...lots of oomph-ah  and sounds of London taxis (you see them everywhere, don't you? Even do a time-capsule-thingy type...oo-eck! starting to sound like Oz here  ;)  had the sound so loud, if you hear of an earth tremor with its epicentre in a sleepy suburb of Brum where nothing ever happens...you won't tell on me, will you??...

hey! and found 2 big bags of 'champagne party poppers' - pity they're not actually filled with champagne, like, but I'm planning to fire some off over the apple tree and give the bleedin- squirrels who are pinching the birds' food a Christmas to Remember ;D

BUT - now this is Important, Inspirational and possible the last (and only) Good Idea I'll have in 2003...why not, on the 19th, make our Party into an Alternative Christmas Carol Sing-along???? 8)

All get writing??

please??

Lish (Lush-hic)

[Clivia]

New "Twelve Days of Christmas" Government Policy

Effective immediately, the following economizing measures are being implemented in the "Twelve Days of Christmas" subsidiary:

1) The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree, which never produced the cash crop forecasted, will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance;

2) Two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned. The positions are, therefore, eliminated;

3) The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the French;

4) The four calling birds will be replaced by an automated voice mail system, with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked;

5) The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors. Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative implications for institutional investors. Diversification into other precious metals, as well as a mix of T-Bills and high technology stocks, appear to be in order;

6) The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose per day was an example of the general decline in productivity. Three geese will be let go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure by personnel will assure management that, from now on, every goose it gets will be a good one;

7) The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times. The function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on order. The current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes, thereby enhancing their outplacement;

8) As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought. The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility. Automation of the process may permit the maids to try a-mending, a-mentoring or a-mulching;

9) Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps;

10) Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords, plus the expense of international air travel, prompted the Compensation Committee to suggest replacing this group with ten out-of-work congressmen. While leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant as we expect an oversupply of unemployed congressmen this year;

11) Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a cutback on new music, and no uniforms, will produce savings which will drop right to the bottom line;

Overall we can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, animals and related expenses. Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop ship in one day, service levels will be improved.

Regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorney's association seeking expansion to include the legal profession ("thirteen lawyers-a-suing"), a decision is pending.

Deeper cuts may be necessary in the future to remain competitive. Should that happen, the Board will request management to scrutinize the Snow White Division to see if seven dwarfs is the right number.

[Ragged Robin]

  .........Surely the four calling birds have been relocated to a centre in India?....

[budgiebreeder]

Nice one RR.

[Hugh_Jones]

It is clear that the Policy described was not intended for enforcement in the public sector.  Had this been the case the following proceedures would have been put into effect:-

1. An advisory body set up, which after a delay of 18 months or so issued a report which has been suppressed because it reached the wrong conclusions

2. A Quango formed from former flat-mates colleagues and friends of Tony and Cherie Blair.

3.  A grant made available from National Lottery Funds.

4.The positions of Administrator, Deputy Administrator, Assistant Administrator,  Deputy Assistant Administrator, Equal Opportunities Advisory Officer, Gay and Lesbian Activities Co-Ordinator, Officer for Encouraging the use of Recyclable Nappies by Unmarried Mothers and numerous other posts advertised in The Guardian at salaries from £50,000 (part time) to £150,000 p.a.

5. An Appeals Tribunal set up

6. Targets to be attained by the year 2007 announced in the House of Commons by Gordon Brown.

7. The number of operatives engaged in their respective activities on each of the 12 days of Christmas doubled or trebled to reduce waiting lists.

8. An announcement in the House of Commons by the Secretary of State for Christmas that waiting lists for each of the 12 days of Christmas had now been reduced to no more than 3 months in each case.

9. A decision by the European Court of Human Rights that these actions infringed the human rights of non-Christian religions, and Britain is accordingly to be fined 2 million euros (whatever they are) and compensation awarded.

[Ozzy_aka_Pothead]

Yo peeps

When I read the word "alternative" the first thing that came into me head wuz, like
instead of carols we would sing carolines thus frustratingthe carols cuz, it nearly sownds the same... or we could get into the old black mass malarky and covort all in the name of satan, afterall he cant be all bad, I bet underneath it all, he is kwite a nice bloke who likes Cliff Richard, thus destroying the age old myth that the devil has all the best tunes, which if he does would explain why every packet of tunes I have brought
not one has ever helped me breathe more easily ....

Big babble Alert

gonna ziiig

oZzY %)