Ted and I had a break from the greenhouse yesterday, my nerves were getting a bit frayed, and as he had been trying so hard I decided to takes Mac’s advice and took him out for the day (the pasties were delicious!)
Today dawned bright and clear, and he was raring to go. “We’ll get this finished today†he said with determination. So the first thing to do was get the base square and level (again). He undid the four screws holding the greenhouse frame in position temporarily, and we marched the greenhouse up the garden. One long plank of wood and a spirit level showed us just how wonky the base was, and Ted spent the next hour ramming all sorts of little flat objects underneath the timbers to bring it all up to where it ought to be. He seemed happy at this point as I helped him march the greenhouse back onto the base. Having positioned the frame all is well, square and level.
He stands back admiring his handywork, and a look of sudden realisation comes across his face as he spots the Weigela that he had butchered with the chainsaw a few days ago. It was very old and tired, and quite close to the greenhouse, so he suggested that perhaps it would be better if he dug it out altogether. I must admit I hate removing plants, but in this instance I thought it would be for the best, especially done now, before there is glass in the greenhouse.
Once again we marched the frame up the garden to a safe place. Out comes the extension lead, threaded more gently through the cat flap this time, and the electric saw is plugged in. The bush was down to ground level in no time, with branches being hurled in all directions for me to gather up and take to the far end of the garden for a bonfire later. “All we need to do now is get the roots out†he said reassuringly. Ted is not a gardener, and this was a LARGE bush. He stomps off to get the garden fork. Shoving it around the stumps was not too much of a problem, but trying to heave out the roots was. Nothing budged. He mumbled something about needing a pickaxe to loosen the matted roots before realising he was standing within ten feet of the log splitter. “If I smash it to smithereens with that, it shouldn’t take much to pick out the debris as we go†he said happily.
The first few strokes, swinging it over his head and bringing it down with as much strength as he could muster, showed promise as massive chunks of root were converted to chippings with every blow. This was working well, and it wasn’t long before he was a few feet deep around the plant. Clearing the hole out, he decided one more swipe with the log splitter would slice through the last of the big roots that was still holding the whole mass firmly in place.
That was the blow that nearly got me a new garden pond too. It certainly gave us a fountain. We now know precisely what path the water main takes to the house. At this point I am on my knees, holding my sides laughing, Ted is drenched to the skin and swearing like you would not believe. It was probably the latter that attracted Graham, the farmer, who cool as a cucumber, strolled into his shed, got a piece of metal and turned off the stop thingy in the road. By this time there is a large moat around the remains of the Weigela, and water forming a very pretty little cascade down the path, under the gate and then down the steps into the road. My comment about always wanting a water feature did not go down at all well, and in fact Ted’s still not talking to me. It is a very good job one of our friends is a plumber, and he was at home on a Sunday afternoon, and ready, willing and able to come out and repair the damage.
This called for a large trench to be dug to expose the pipe on both sides of the cut, although it did take all my powers of persuasion to encourage a very wet Ted to stay motivated in the task while the plumber was on his way. The plumber arrived with necessary repair bits and set to, despite the soggy conditions, putting the problem to rights while Ted squelched upstairs to have a shower to both clean up and warm up. Casting his muddy, soggy clothing to one side, he jumped into the shower, pressed the “on†button, and uttered one single, short word at very high volume. Somehow the fact that our mains water had been cut off had not gelled with his understanding of what comes out of a showerhead.
:o ;D
You done it again Deeds, all horribly familiar yet ... side-splitting :-[ ;D ;D ;D
LOL
The shower bit
ROTFLOL
:-)
Priceless ;D ;D
Hi Deeds,
your story is so funny! It should be published! A cross between a sitcom and a wicked story book.... I'm going to print out all the episodes for my OH to read.
Does Ted know what you're doing with / to his reputation?
;D ;D ;D
BFD
Reputation? What reputation ;D
So pleased it's giving people a smile, thanks all.
a bit like Ted, i never even saw it coming ;D
am racing to part 7 before i drag myself off to get ready for work.
wow that made me laugh.. ;D
popped home for lunch.. jus what i needed to cheer me up before i went back to work...
;D