Before anyone accuses me of being 'scousist' I am allowed to make fun of scousers ...............'cos I used to be one  ;)
An Australian, an Irishman and a Scouser are in a bar. They're staring at  another man sitting on his own at a table in the corner. He's so familiar,  and not recognizing him is driving them mad. They stare and stare, until  suddenly the Irishman twigs: "My God, it's Jesus!"
Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint. Thrilled, they send him over a  pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a pint of bitter. Jesus accepts  the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints slowly, one after  another.
After he's finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio. He reaches for  the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness.
When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement: "My God! The  arthritis I've had for 30 years is gone. It's a miracle!"
Jesus then shakes the Aussie's hand, thanking him for the lager. As he  lets go, the man's eyes widen in shock. "Strewth mate, the bad back I've  had all my life is completely gone! It's a miracle."
Jesus then approaches the Scouser who says, "Back off, mate, I'm on disability benefit.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
A scouser walked into the local job centre, marched straight up to the  counter and said "Hi, I'm looking for a job".
The man behind the counter replied "Your timing is amazing. We've just  got one in from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his  nymphomaniac twin daughters. You'll have to drive around a big black  Mercedes and wear the uniform provided. The hours are a bit long but the meals are provided. You also have to escort the young ladies on their  overseas holidays. The Salary package is around £200,000 a year, but if  that's not enough he is open to negotiation ".
The Scouser said "You're bullsh*tting me!"
The man behind the counter said "Well you started it!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Police cordoned off Liverpool City Centre this morning when a suspicious  object was discovered. It later turned out to be a tax disc.
OOOOOOOOOOOO sorry Dan... meant to post this in Watershed. :-[
Excellent Mimi, no need for this to be in the watershed ... ;D
Derekthefox :D