Allotments 4 All

Very sad today as my lovely mum died  :'( :'( :'( :'(  She broke her hip three months ago and has never recovered.  She was my hero and I don't know what I'll do without her.  She had Alzheimers for 7 years and I've looked after her all that time. 

I cleared off to my allotment for the whole day yesterday so I could get away from the phone and people and be on my own to give me time to think about ma.  Today I have to sort out funeral arrangements and hymns and stuff and it's going to be very difficult.  Ah well, here goes ......   Wish me luck  :)

Oh Wardy, my thoughts are with you. I can't imagine what it is like to loose your Mum, My Dad was bad enough  :'(  :'(

The garden/Lottie is a good place to be and just think, and the weeds do get a good battering with anger over losing someone so dear.

Big big hugs   DP

Wardy, I don't know what to say.  Like DP, my old dad leaped off this mortal coil nearly 5 years ago and it has been the toughest thing I could have ever imagined.

You look after yourself Wardy, don't neglect you at the busy and incredibly emotional time.  Thinking of you Wardy, thinking of you lots!

Love Emma and Mark

wardy - huge hugs to you

Wardy, all my thoughts and hugs are with you.  My words will not help at this time, just treasure all your memories of your Mum, they are her gift to you.  I am sure she is missing you as much as you miss her.  Take care.

Wardy. I can imagine what you are feeling. When we lost my husband of fifty years in 2003 so  suddenly I thought my world would end.. Thank goodness for kids, family and friends. I am sure like me you will have wonderful memories to help you through this difficult time. My thoughts are with you. Lorna.

Our deepest sympathy is with you. When eveything is settled and you are back in charge, we suggest planting a tree as a memorial.  Take care!
Eric and Anne

 :'( that is so sad and my thoughts go out to you. Take comfort in your gardening and the wonder of nature and the cycle of life. 

I am sorry for your loss, Wardy.   You are in my thoughts.

G xx

My ma is 84 this year and being so far away is hard at times. My father, older and younger brother have all died and I have a guilt feeling almost every day about not being closer to look after her. Wardy, you have been around and close to her when she most needed it and although it's never easy when parents, especially mothers leave us, at least people like you are people who have cared and been there when it mattered. Irreplaceable yes, forgotten, never.

cannot add to any of the above, except to send my thoughts and sympathies too, take care.

Wardy, I know it's a difficult time but don't lose courage.

      Memories grow more precious
      When loved ones must part,
      But remain forever growing
      In the garden of your heart.

My thoughts are with you

My deepest sympathies and big hugs to you Wardy, at this time.  I am very sorry for your loss.

Sam xxx

Dear Wardy, I am so very  sorry to hear this awful news.

Goodness knows what you are feeling right now, but having lost both of my parents i have a fair idea :(

Take it easy and take it slowly and find solace in your garden.

Love to you xxxxxx

Dearest Wardy, so very sorry to hear your news, my love and prayers are with you, do take care of yourself go off to the allotment as often as you need to , but don`t forget to come here also we are all here for you.
God bless love, Mary & Ron.xx

So sorry for you. Must be awful.
Thinking of you.

I'm so sorry to hear that Wardy :'( Hope you're bearing up and all the arrangements are coming together.
I felt such a jolt, when I read your post.........

My husband's lovely Grandma is currently in hospital after breaking her hip (and subsequently falling while she was in there and breaking the other one as well), and she's just been diagnosed as suffering from dementia :(
She's 92, and it's all looking a bit unstable at the moment.


Thinking of you...........

Sincere sympathy, Wardy - Alzheimers is such a cruel disease it means we are robbed of our loved ones twice over but through time the happy memories do come back. Bear up and do take time for yoself as well

Can't say much more then what's already been said.  I lost my mum when I was 20.  Life is crap sometimes but without the crap times you never know how good the good bits really are.  Dont over do it - delagate. You need time for yourself too remember.    xx

So sorry to hear of your loss wardy. As much as you will need friends and family now you'll find peace at the lotty, somewhere to clear your mind or remember the happy times. God bless.

Aw Wardy  :(

I'm very sorry to hear of your loss.  I know some of how you're feeling having lost my dad. It is really tough and heart breaking. Take your time and go with all you are feeling.  :'(   

Thinking of you at this sad time.

H x

I am so sorry to hear of the passing of your dear Mum, I am sending a comforting hug and hope you can feel happy in knowing your mum has been relieved of pain and is at peace and looking over you.

Sorry to hear about your loss Wardy. I lost my father whan I was 20, but as long as I remember him in my heart and my mind he will never leave me. Remember all the great times, I'm sure there's lots for you to remember.
Take care.
DD

I can only echo what everyone else has said. My thoughts are with you, BIG HUGS.

Twospot.

Keep your pecker up Wardy and God Bless

Rosemary

I was very moved by your lovely tribute to your Mum. What a wonderful lady she must have been. And if she'd only had the chance, I'm sure she would have said you were her hero too.

My thoughts are with you.

I'm so sorry to hear of your sad loss Wardy - can sympathise with you so much - lost my darling Dad last September, which devastated me as he was my best friend....then in March my brother & I lost our dear Mum too, who was very frail (Dad had been her main carer) and we'd struggled to keep her in her own home.

I found the allotment a great place of refuge immediately after both of their funerals and so often now - find myself 'chatting' to them both when I'm up their and shedding tears yet feeling close to them - they both loved their garden when they were younger and fitter - my Dad having looked after two allotments at one time when I was a teenager....

I found it a huge comfort choosing the hymns and readings for Mums funeral altho she had left a note of hymns of her choice.

Warm and tender hugs from me.

Wardy -
*hugs*

moonbells

I always fail miserably to find any words to say/write at times like these.  Others so often express what I feel and want to say so much better than I can.

My prayers and thoughts are with you, I just want to stand beside you and extend an arm of friendship at this time.

Aww Wardy Im sorry to read this.

There are no words that will help at the mo but take some comfort in knowing people care.

Take care .

maz xx 

Dear Wardy, thinking of you at this sad time. There's nothing much one can say, because it is such a turmoil ( I know from when Dad died in 1999). This week will be difficult as the arrangements and things take up your time, but I hope you get some comfort out of choosing things she would have liked.

It's important to talk about her, I hope you have people around you can do that with.

Cyber-hugs, CLx

Wardy I have just read your post, and I am so sorry to hear your news about the sad loss of your mother.  My sincere condolences to you and your family.  There will be a lot to arrange and organise and I hope you have loving people around to help and comfort you during this difficult time.  Like everyone else on this Site my love and heartfelt wishes go with you. busy-lizzie 

So sorry Wardy.

 :( Oh Wardy, what can I say. I know what it is to nurse a loved one to the end :'( You will be very busy for a while now I know but try not to forget yourself. Cherish the memories. I have lots of thought chats in the garden it's nice then :) Take care we are all thinking of you  :)

My thouhgts are with you and your family Wardy
Sorry

Ron

Dear Wardy, you keep so many of us happy on here by your lovely comments, funny stories and good advice.

I am so sorry for your loss. It is heartwarming to see how many of your A4A friends have left messages.

If you are feeling sad have a good cry, your tears will water the seedlings of joy hiding in your heart. Given time they will mature and grow.

Take care

Joan

Don't know what to say Wardy other than to echo what the others have said. You're a great support to every here with your lovely jokes and stories so don't forget we are here if you need us. Make sure you look after yourself and take all the help and support thats offered.

Love, Claire & Paul xxx

Aww Wardy, what can I say?

MV

Wardy,I just read your post and would like to offer you my heartfelt wishes to help you cope with this incredibly hard and painful time. I lost my mum a long time ago when my kids were very little and was always so sad that she didn't see them grow up into the lovely young men they are today.
Just take it one day at a time and don't try to do everything. Accept all offers of help to get the million and one things that need doing now. I'm sure there'll be lots of them as you are such a sweet and lovely person.
So take care and remember we're all thinking of you.
Terri

Aww wardy i am so sorry to hear your mum has died , my thoughts are with you godbless dibberxxx

I too am so sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved mum. 

From reading all the above notes it sounds like some of us have an idea of what you are going through - I've lost both parents.

All I can say is take one day at a time.  I wish I had my allotment then, it would have been a place to hide and find a little peace.

It sounds like a good idea, to plant something in the allotment/garden to remember her.  I have a scented rose - called 'Peace' that my dad bought me many years ago and it always reminds me of him.

Love and best wishes

Lily

Wardy I'm so sorry to hear your news.  My thoughts are with you, please accept my deepest sympathies.

Loz

Im so sorry to hear your news.

I think of my mum every time I see a butterfly down the allotment.
There were loads around when she passed away, and I like to think of them as a metaphor for life after death.

Hope everything runs smoothly for you

Haven't been on the forum for a couple of days...what a shock

My thoughts are with you at this sad time

Derek

sad sad news~i'm thinking of you.
hopefully time will ease your pain.
take care x

So sorry to hear of the sad loss of your dear Mum Wardy.  I know, like many of the others here, just how you are feeling.  I lost my dear Mum and Dad some years ago now, but there is not a day goes by that I don't think of them and take comfort in all the lovely memories of them.  God bless you.  Love.  Pat xx

Feeling for you Wardy so sorry of your loss of a parent, God bless

Wardy, you must be well in to organisng things now, I just wanted to say I have thought of you all week and the sad tasks you have had to perform, just wanted to say we are still thinking of you.  We are all here for you. Take care.

So sorry to hear Wardy. After losing may partner six weeks ago, I've found it iss really important to have that time alone to just think. Friends and family are well meaning, and much needed, but you also need some quiet time. My thoughts are with you

Very sorry to hear that Wardy. (((((Wardy)))))

Get some niger seed in a birdfeeder - apparently, the goldfinches like it.

Hello Wardy

re: your Mum's flat. You just have to go at your own speed. You'll know when you're ready to do it. I've only done just superficial sorting of my partner's things. Was feeling under pressure as my Mum has kept asking if I'd sorted his things out yet, but I've since been advised to do it when ready and not before - bit by bit if necessary.

Remember she'll always be with you - in your heart and memories - in the garden with the goldfinches, or with you in the quiet time down the allotment. Get that bird seed.

:) So glad to hear you are back with us again. You have been through a hard time & peace with your thoughts is vital I think, healing. We are all here for you. As you say, you have a hard task ahead, but you will get through it. I found the best for me was to, head down & get on with it, but do it at your speed not anybody elses. do it, cry, talk, cuss & laugh with the memories while doing it all. Life will never be the same, but you will adjust. Take very good care of yourself, it's easy to forget about "you" at these times. Thinking of you.  :)

Wardy, don't rush things, take your time and do it when you are ready, we will all be there with you in spirit when you do.  

It took my Mum 10years before she could part with a lot of my Dad's things Dawn, and in my loft I have his golf clubs, fishing tackle etc as she still couldn't part with them and couldn't take them to her sheltered accomodation so I am looking after them indefinitely, I wonder if I shall ever part with them!

Both of you, don't feel pressured into clearing things, it should be your choice, when you are ready.  The best thing is the memories you will find you had forgotten when you find odd items that bring them back.  They will make you smile and cry!

I'm glad your plot has been a comfort Wardy, it must be looking good.  Gardening is always my comfort.

http://www.birdfood.co.uk/dev/

http://www.rspb.org.uk/birds/whatyoucando/feedinggardenbirds/rspb_products.asp

Links for your goldfinches!

Take care, thinking of you.

Wardy.. good advice from other members.. Take your time. I lost my husband in Jan 2003 (just after 50th anniversary) although he was in a wheelchair for 5/6 years he could not resist buying tools. I only have one son (three daughters) so I sorted all the expensive tools and shared them between my son and son-in-laws. I know that is what he would have wanted, certainly couldn't dream of selling them/ My daughters had various personal things, one wanted his glasses and baseball cap, also two daughters wanted a trilby each. Middle daughter wanted his favourite cardigan which he had been wearing that week. She forbid me to wash it. Three of the young Grandchildren wanted a walking stick each, such little things but thats how they remember their Grandad. I am afraid to this day I just cannot get rid of clothes in his wardrobe., I suppose that is silly but as everybody says you have to tackle grief in your own way. My thoughts and wishes go to you. Love Lorna.

I almost never know the 'right' thing to say at these times, but please know that I'm adding my small voice out here to the chorus.  Sending you caring thoughts. 

When we lost our twins suddenly to groupB strep after they were born, so many well-meaning people told us to change out the nursery and get rid of everything immediately (even had several offers to clean up every reminder before I came home from hospital).  It didn't feel right to me at all to do that, so I insisted on doing it with my husband when it felt right to us, and I'm so glad we did it that way.

Everyone's grief is very different.  What you're feeling certainly isn't what any of us have felt, and you know best what's best for yourself.  Take your time, and as others have said, you'll know when it's right.

Best wishes to you, xx

Annie in Norway

Just remember we're all here for you Wardy. Know what you're going through as my mother died in November last year. It's not easy but you'll never forget her.

I know it's been a while, but things like this make time stand still. I remember driving away from the hospital when my Dad died and watching people doing ordinary things...I wanted to shout "don't you know what just happened?" That thought stayed with me for months. It does get better and you can take comfort in the things said on here and the peace and productivity allotmenteering brings. I still have great auntie Gwens rolling pin and think of her every time I make pastry!
Hope you are ok.

Katy, that's interesting as I wanted to shout at everyone about my Dad dying too.  I remember going to collect my daughter from playgroup and having to stop myself from shouting.  Must be some sort of instinctive thing.

Yes i agree with you both there. Same feeling exactly. Just wanted to scream at everyone going about their normal business - when all was far from normal.

hope it all goes well
your thoughts are with you and we hope you keep your spirtits high

Still thinking about you Wardy.  Like everyone else says you take your time in clearing things.  Don't rush into anything you are not ready for, you need time to grieve properly. Being in your garden will be a wonderfully healing thing and I am glad you are finding solace there.

I always think it would be very helpful if those who have been bereaved could wear a black ribbon during their grieving time to symbolise their loss or something like that. People can't be expected to just join in with day to day life again without some acknowledgement that they are still in grief.  Life changes dramatically and traumatically when someone you love dies, and there should be some means to show that, during that intense time.  There will always be a time to move on and join the world again, but for the early stages it would be a good symbolic gesture.  busy_lizzie

Wardy, found your message today.  Sorry of your loss and hope you are coping.  Our deepest sympathy from us to you and your family.

Love from Marianne and Richard xxxxxx