Allotments 4 All
General => The Shed => Topic started by: mummybunny on July 28, 2009, 15:23:35
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Hi all,
My nan is a real do'er and likes to get on with things on her own. She's 73 and her sister Gweny is 76 nans looked after her for the last 3 years as she lived with her mum who passed away 3 years ago at the ripe old age of 100.
Great nan in the woods as we all called her always said she would like to have a photo of 5 generations of girls. When i had my little girl in 2006 it made her day and we managed to get a photo of us all together. well one week after the photo was taken she passed away. She truly is an inspiration she was doing everything for herself up until she was 96 then her sight went and nan went out and stopped with her making life as comfortable as possible also nans sister Gweny is mentally and physically disabled so nan helped out with her too. She moved in with nan after great nan passed away.
we live in Bristol and Nan lives in Hereford we talk on the phone everyday. Shes such a strong minded woman and likes to get on with things on her own. She had been complaining of not feeling well for a few days and wouldn't accept our offer of going down to help. After a couple more days mum said enough is enough shes coming down to help wether she liked it all not. So we set off i drove her there to stop with her for a few days to help care for gweny so nan could rest. When we got there and walked in it really was a shock she looked awful. A healthy strong fit woman wasn't what greeted us but a frail old lady. I could hardly hold the tears back. we rang the doctor straight away. I'm almost 30 and have never seen my nan ill not once! I stayed for a few hours then had to drive home to pick the boys up from school.
Doctor came and said its a kidney infection gave her a course of tablets to take and said to visit him a week later. I would ring mum everyday and everyday was the same no change was starting to show the signs of confusion totally exhausted she just couldn't sleep. Called another doctor out on the sunday he came checked her over an said there was nothing wrong she was just tired from the kidney infection. Monday came and mum got the doctor out for a home call as she could hardly walk as she was so weak
She refused to eat so she hadn't eaten for almost two weeks. The doctor came out and admitted her to hospital she was running a high fever and as he was her doctor knew exactly what she was like before she fell ill.
i went and stopped with mum to help care for gweny as she needs 24 hr care and cant be left on her own so hospital visits would have been impossible otherwise. Well its all gone down hill from there. Shes now in HDU tubes down her throat as she has phenomena a feeding tube up her nose drips in both hands low blood and sugar counts. They think she has a secondary infection somewhere but cant find it. she doesn't even look like my nan anymore I'm terrified and am trying to be strong for my mum and Auntie. I spent a week in hereford help make arrangements for gweny to go into restbite for a few weeks. Which she is loving. Now I'm back in Bristol we run a family business and the kids are off school. I know shes in the best place but cant help but feel useless. Mums coming home tomorrow shes been there for 2 weeks and is so tired. My auntie lives in Hereford and is visiting everyday even though nan doesn't know when were there. I'll be visiting gweny and nan as often as i can. I just feel like i should be doing more even though i know i cant really do any more!!
Didn't help that they were testing her for swine flu so had her on a side ward for a week not able to do much else test wise as she couldn't be taken around the hospital to various places for the fear of it spreading. Took a week for the results to come back but was given the all clear. The care she was receiving to start with was awful. Thing is she knew it as she was a nurse for 20 years so the odd time that she could say something it would be that they hadn't been to check on her and hadn't provided her with the call button and her room was very dirty at times dirty bedding everywhere as she is now incontinent . My sister is a trained physio so came down and had a few words with the doctor in charge and managed to sort it all out which is why she has now been moved to a different ward. Just purely because they hadn't taken notes about the fact she hadn't eaten for nearly 3 weeks at this point how quick she has gone down hill what she was like previous basically they had no background information even though the previous ward was given it on several occasions. My sister was a star manged to get her on the right oxygen got a dietion involved and made them see sense. she has lost over a stone in 3 weeks. Like i have said she doesnt look like my nan anymore on she opens her eyes and you can just see she is so lost and in so much pain. I just wish i could make it all better :'(
I'm rambling now just feel so lost.
Lucy
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Hi Lucy,big hug to you.You must be feeling very low with all this going on.
Elderly people being fed properly in hospital is an old problem.I am afraid it does come down to the nursing staff.A few years back now my old dad who had had several strokes was always in and out of hospital.My mother quickly realised he was not eating.He was unable to eat alone.Plates were put in front of him and not touched.Mumhad to go in twice a day to feed him.She was not alone in this.She spoke to many other relations who had the same problem.Sorry all you nurses out there but you can only speak as you find.
You really have to push for the right care for elderly people and I am afraid it does rely on you and your family being around.
It is a very difficult time and I really feel for you.I do hope things take a turn for the better x
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Lucy I am thinking of you, this is such a hard time for you and your family. Your Nan is in the best place now, really, as they will be able to spot changes in her now, and hopefully will find the root cause of all this in time. At least she is being fed and hydrated though the drips so shouldn't lose much more weight. It must be so hard to see her like this, I do understand, she has always been so spritely it makes it that much harder for you. The most important thing is to keep yourself well and on top of things at home so that you are there for your Mum to talk to when she needs it and able to go back to your Nan if needed. At least Gweny is being cared for and happy at the moment so some things are under control. Keep talking to us on here, we are all here for you.
Take care and look after yourself,
T.x
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Oh Lucy you poor thing, what a dreadful situation. We had a similar experience to Betula with my nan. She had a stroke and was in hospital. We soon realised she was not being fed, same thing, food put in front of her but she was unable to eat it. We did the same thing and mum went in to feed her. She soon reallised that there were some old ladies who had no relatives to do this for them and ended up helping several. The ward was filthly. An infection spread through the patients and barrier methods were introduced. I'm afraid my poor nan caught the infection and died. However, that was some 8 years ago and I am sure things have improved since then. Your nan is one of the lucky ones, she obviously has a very loving and caring family and you are doing all the right things. As Betula says just keep pushing to get her the care she deserves and Tulipa is right keep yourself well and on top of things so you can be there for mum.
Big hugs to you and your family, keep talking to us
Lushy x
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My daughter is a nurse and as you all know she has helped to get my mom the right care plan in place for when she came out of hospital. I relly feel for you concerning your nan and auntie. I would stop worrying about Auntie because hopefully she will get the care she needs.As for your nan, your sister will know more about the system than you do so let her help you. So often we don't understand the medical terms used by the doctors and nurses so its good that you have someone to act on your behalf. I have often spoken to my daughter about the lack of care in hospital and she said that you can only do what you can in the time you have. Very often the nurses are short staffed so they have to choose wether to carry on doing the drug round or clean someone up that has made a mess of themselves. She said that sometimes she has to decide which is the more important to the benefit of all the patients. I do hope that your Nan soon gets well love
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just read this and would like to say I'm sorry to hear your nan is unwell. everyone has already said the right things, so i just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and your family at this time :-* {{{HUG}}}.
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She sounds like a very special lady Lucy, and hopefully she is now getting the care she needs. Lots of good advice here, so all I can say is that I'm thinking of you at this tough time
Take care
1066
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Lucy, I hope your Nan gets well quickly and that they find out soon what is wrong with her soon.
A big hug is being sent from me to you. {{{HUG}}} :-*
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Big {{{hug}} :-* :-* :-*To you Lucy your post made me realise how good my sister-in-law was caring for my mum in law so well and at the end of her life she passed away in her own bed.Like your nan is she was a wonderful woman.I wish you and all your family well at this difficult time :-*
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Hope things get better for you and your family soon.
Take care, we are always here for you Lucy.
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Thankyou so much for all your kind words. Really helped get things into perspective getting it all out.
Well mum came back home today she has done all she can its going to be a long time before nan comes out of hospital. They are currently keeping her sedated because she is in tubated. They did try and reduce the oxygen today to see how she got on but her stats started to fall so put her back on. I know she is in the right place and i do understand that some wards in hospitals are understaffed but the ward they put her on before just wasn't suitable for her needs she needed one to one or two to one care which is why they moved her to the high dependency unit. She is currently in a side ward as she became incontinent due to the fact she wasn't eating but now they are tube feeding it seems to have calmed down a bit so they are planning on putting on the main HDU ward tomorrow just so she doesn't feel so isolated. They took bloods again today to try and work out why her platlet count is so low they are also worried about the fact her blood pressure is on the high side.
On a good note mum went to see Gweny today and was happy to find that she has settled in. She is really enjoying herself which makes us all feel better about it being the right choice. They even managed to bath her today as they have the lifts to get her in and out something she hasn't been able to do for years. She has the mental age of a young child so it must be quite scary for her. I'm happy that she has made some friends already and is already taking a keen
interest in all the activities provided.
Fingers crossed i will have some good news to share with you all over the next few days.
Thanks again Lucy x
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Glad to hear it....
Low platelets can be a bad sign, being linked to immunity but she may just have a low platelet response... (thrombocaetapaenia ?? Sic) If they have no historic numbers it could be a response rather than a cause. I often have ridiculously low counts... haven't quite made single figures yet ... :-\
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I have platelet specific antibodies when i carry a child my body thinks that it shouldn't be there and tries to attack the babies platlets. The condition is called Neonatal alloimmune thrombocytopenia NAIT for short bit of a mouthfull.
Had to go through quite a lot with my boys. Thomas my eldest was the worse affected had a count of 4000 when he was born When it should be in the 250000 range we were really lucky that he didn't have a brain hemorrhage could well have not been such a happy story. He had 3 platlet transfusions within 3 days of being born. After a week in NICU he was fit enough to come home. They are fine once they are born and the body has a chance to make its own platlets.
With Harry i was treated through out my pregnancy twice a week transfusions 8 hrs a time. Hard work but worth every minute. Lillie wasn't affected as i am in what they call the 50/50 group. That's it for me I'm very happy with my 3 beautiful children and Nait gets worse as the anti bodies kick in sooner with every pregnancy.
Its truly amazing what can be done these days. I donated my placenta and i give blood which they are currently tying to find a way to turn off the antibodies doubt I'll see this happening in my life time but hope they can do it in the future.
Lucy x
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goodnight gweny,gran and lucy sleep tight :-*
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Really pleased to hear Gweny is so settled and happy, thats a big worry lifted for you all and at least the situation is now under control and they are both getting the care they need. Sending good wishes to you all, keep your chin up :-*
Lushy x
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Thanks guys and gals ;D
Update
Nan is now on the main ICU ward was given another bag of platlets today. They are very worried about her blood pressure still not sure whats causing it all!!! Just twiddling our thumbs waiting for the test results. My sister is driving down again tomorrow and stopping the weekend at my Aunties so will know more when she gets back.
Lucy x
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You sound a lot more positive than you did so that a good sign. Hope that things keep getting better for you love
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Thanks
Spoke to mum last night there going to be putting in a Tracheostomy today so she can still swallow and eat when the time comes looks like shes is going to be on ICU for 4 wks then about 4wks on another ward to build her strength up.
Lucy x
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Good news ;)
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good to hear things are progressing and that gweny is being well looked after
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sounds like she has a long road ahead of her, once they keep her nutrient intake up then she will recover even faster, glad to hear shes getting the medical care that she needs right now.
and happy gweny is all settled in.
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Well they couldn't fit the Tracheostomy in the end nans platelet count was far to low! They are thinking now she may have had a stroke! A haematologist is going in today to take more bloods to try and find out why her blood counts are so messed up.
Just clinging on to the fact she's in the right place and they will get to the bottom of it. I hope they do soon its the not knowing whats wrong at least if we knew we would know what the plan of action is!!!
Thanks again for all your support means so much x
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Thinking of you and your Nan and hope they find out soon what is wrong with her.
Hugs are coming your way to help you through this difficult time. {{{hug}} {{{hug}} {{{hug}} :-* :-*
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And a hug from me. We are about to take a not so nice journey with my wife.
But I do believe positive vibes from those we may never meet can help
Men don`t hug-but I do :)
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well they are taking a bone marrow sample today! going to try and get down this weekend.
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Lets hope they soon get it sorted
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Hope things improve soon...
I remember bone marrow samples.. yeuk. Do they still use the sternum?
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Thinking of you hun ((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))).
have some vibes for your Nan
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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>positive vibes >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
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Thanks all x
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Hope they get to the bottom on it all soon mummybunny, still sending positive vibes :-*
Lushy x
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Had a very upset sister on the phone today had spoken to my Auntie and found out some upsetting news. Nan has now been diagnosed with a fungal blood infection. They are certain she has had a stroke now too.
Held it together while on the phone but once i got off the flood gates opened.
Outlook isn't good at the moment. They said they would keep treating while shes fighting. I'm like what the hell does that mean? How would they possibly know when shes so sedated and have a tube down her throat. Arrhh i just don't know what to think.
So frustrating they wont tell me anything over the phone because I'm only the granddaughter. Trying to get down there while running the business is virtually impossible otherwise i would be there all the time.
Feeling rather useless right now.
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Awful times hun (((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))))).
Sometimes its hard to think when your in the midst of the pain but you have to think about quality of life for her, if it was you what would you hope your family would do for you ???
We had he very same with my dad and it came down to his quality of life after they revived him twice we put a do not resus on him, it was a very hard day but we knew he would not want to be kept alive as he was :'(
Will your Nan have any quality of life ??
My thoughts are with you hun (((hugs))))
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When your nan was taken ill she knew how much you love her.
If your nan recovers she'll know how much you love her.
If she slips quietly away she'll still know how much you love her.
Being there in person isn't always possible but loving from a distance is the next best thing,so keep your chin up Mummybunny.Hugs to you :-*
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Mummbunny - my heart goes out to you hun, hugs are being sent your way in the thousands. It isn't easy to be told that the doctors will keep going as long as your loved one is fighting, I know my hubs and I have been there so many, many times over the years with our sons. The last time was 7 years ago when our middle son (now 20) was 13. He had acute kidney failure and bp readings of 256/194. He had seen the gp twice and we had taken him to a&e twice before someone agreed that he was in a serious condition. The emergency transfer to manchester was a nightmare as his bp kept racing higher and higher even though he was lying still and was virtually unconscious for the entire journey. On our arrival there, there was a senior consultant, a consultant, 2 senior registars and a couple of junior doctors awaiting us as well as 3 or 4 nurses. He was checked every 15 minutes by one or the other of the doctors/consultants and had blood taken each time. A numbrer of discussions where held between the medical staff and I asked outright was he going to die - their answer to me was, that was upto him they could not say yes or no at that point but his body was still trying to fight so that was a positive sign. When he eventually came home, the letter that was sent to his doctor stated that (in simplified terms) he should have died and how he hadn't done so they were not sure. He has been left with hypotension, an enlarged heart and the need to be on a very low sodium diet for the rest of his life but at least he is here still.
What I am trying to say is that if your Nan wants to stay in this physical world, she will give enough signs to do so, if she wishes to move on then again, she will give those signs. It is hard for the rest of the family though to sit and wait for their decision, however at the end of the day, sometimes they decide to surprise us and the medical team looking after them. I wish your nan well and again send you lots of positive vibes, hugs and peace.
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the last three posts say exactly what i would like to say so won't try as i'll only muddle it up, just wanted you to know your nan, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
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I agree, lots of very wise words here - hang in there mummybunny, lots of hugs
Lushy x
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Hugs to you Banshee we take healthy kids for granted .Hope the sun shines for you and yours 8)
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macmac - thanks for that :) Things are much better now that the 3 of them are young men, but when they were small, I used to just wish for a 'normal' childhood illness that wouldn't put them in hospital fighting for their lives - been there more times than I care to remember.
Mummybunny - more positive vibes being sent your way, hang on in there.
Hugs, smiles and rainbows to all that feel they need them.........
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Sending best wishes to everybody. :)
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The fact that you have loved your Nan while she was capable of knowing that you did is all that matters love.
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Oh Shirl you'll make me bawl! :'(
My nan (still going at 95...just) is very poorly at the moment too, and has just come back out of hospital in a worse state than she went in, now has pressure sores to add to her woes. I really empathise with you Mummybunny, my mum and aunt are caring for her at home and are brilliant, but they are all 140 miles away so I just get phone updates, and honestly feel cold every time the phone rings. I'm not well myself at the moment, so visiting is out in case I give her more problems, which is even worse! ::)
Positive vibes and big hugs to all .... :)
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Hugs and lots of positive vibes being sent your way Deb. Hope things improve for you and your family soon.
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Just wanted to say thankyou for being here for me. My mum and auntie have discussed what to do if the time comes that nan seems like she doesn't want to fight anymore. :'(
I just cant believe how quick this has all happened 6 weeks ago she was on top of a ladder pruning the Hawthorne hedge in the back garden and getting ready for her new kitchen to be fitted.
We thought that she just needed fluids and once she was re hydrated she would be home and back to her normal self. I trying to stay positive but i really cant see the light at the end of the tunnel. Its so hard to see nan the way she is. I never imagined her looking so frail. Even great gran looked full of beans in her later stages of life.
Deb phone updates are all i have at the moment too everytime it goes my heart jumps to my throat. I understand totally how you feel. Hope you feel better soon x
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Aww thinking of you mummybunny. It's so hard to have to stand back and watch and not be able to do actually do something. But by keeping working you are doing something practical - for all the family :)
Hang on in there
1066
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We all received the call at 4am this morning to tell us it was time to say our goodbyes. I didn't make it to the hospital in time but nan was surrounded by loved ones. I had to go in to say my goodbyes and have to say it was the most difficult thing i have ever done.
I could sense nan was no longer there that she had moved on to a better place no doubt my grandfather was waiting for her with open arms.
she will forever be in my heart.
Me and my daughter will be going to join my boys in Turkey on Friday. I cant wait to wrap my arms around them its times like this that you realize how precious life is.
I wont be going to the funeral but have adapted a poem to be read on the day.
Nan would have wanted me to be with my children.
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Sending lots of hugs to you
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Deepest Sympathies...
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Just saw your post today.
Yes she will live on in your heart
Lots of hugs from me too!
I know how you're feeling my Mum passed away 2 years ago this Friday so I'm feeling pretty sad this week as it was also her wedding anniversary on Thursday last week. So I was feeling sad about both my parents. Now I'm crying because of your post too!
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Sorry to hear about your nan
Hugs being sent to you - and you Kea aswell
1066
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Hugs to you.Remember happy times with your nan ,I'm sure they will be countless :-*
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Sorry to hear about your nan hun, she is at peace now.
Be good to yourself and cherrish the memories you have.
Hardest on the ones left behnd ((((((hugs))))))) to all in need.
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So sorry to hear about your nan love.
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{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}
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Oh dear, that phone call came after all, so sorry to hear that. I'll be thinking of you.
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thinking of you all :)
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{{{{HUGs}}}}
thinking of you and all those she left behind.
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I can only echo what everyone else has said & send virtual {{{hugs}}}.
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You will remember your Nan forever with so much love. Mine died when i was 13, & i can & do remember her with such a happy heart.
Sending love to you , try not to mourn her passing , celebrate her life.
lots of love to you. Mary xxx.
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So sorry to here about your Nan. Thinking of you. Hope the good memories will see you through. You're right, your Nan would want you to be with your children.
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So sorry sweetie....
I had a 'super nan' too, she and my grandfather brought me up and am still at a bit of a loss without them...
Like everyone said, remember the good times....
Hugs to Kea too
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Oh hun, so sorry to hear about your dear nan. I lost mine about 8 years ago as I mentioned in a previous post, she was a wonderful lady too and I know how much pain you feel. I hope you will be able to enjoy your time in Turkey because as you say she would have wanted you to be there. Just drink a few toasts to her and remember all the good things. Lots of love to you.
And Kea, love to you too sweetie
Lisa x
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sorry to hear your news and hope you can take some comfort in the fact that she isn't suffering any more and don't beat yourself up for not being able to be there 24/7 i'm sure from your description that she would totally understand your position.....chin up and have a lovely holiday just steer clear of the raki :P....xxx
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Mummybunny - I can only echo all that the others have already said and send you and your family my most sincere condolences. Please take some comfort in knowing that your grandfather's arms were awaiting her and that she is no longer suffering in any way. Take care and try to find peace during your time awa with your sons. Many hugs to you.
Kea - Be kind to yourself hun, tomorrow will be the 4th anniversary of my mum leaving this physical place. I know how you feel. Hugs to you and smile when you think of her.
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Thankyou all for your kind words this is the poem that will be read on the day we celebrate her life.
God saw you getting tired
and a cure was not to be
so he put his arms around you
and whispered
"come to me"
With tearful eyes we watched you
and saw you pass away
and although we love you dearly
we could not make you stay.
A golden heart stopped beating
hard working hands at rest.
God broke our hearts to prove us
he only takes the best
Its broke our hearts to lose you
but you did not go alone
for part of us went with you
the day god took you home
And waiting there to greet you
a man so full of love
He's been waiting for you
watching from above.
xxx
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That is lovely :)
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I am so sorry to hear of your loss. My Nan passed away 52 years ago when I was 13. Nan's are very special and will always be there in your memories for the rest of your life. I send my love and big hugs your way.
Pauline
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Lovely poem mummybunny
Lushy x
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That is so beautiful, mummybunny.
When you look at your children you will see a little bit of your Nan is there too and it will help you I know.
Thanks for your kind words to me too everyone...I'm OK thanks other tough problems have distracted me today.