Allotments 4 All
General => The Shed => Topic started by: Multiveg on November 13, 2005, 10:55:25
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I am registered to do a creative writing course - what has that got to do with rotovators!!!? Well, a story I have in my head is murder, and disposal of the body with a rotovator on an allotment (was thinking that patch could be used for raspberries) ::) !! But I need help with narrative - what is it like to use a rotovator, do you get a sense of vibration through the handle, what words would you describe the soil as it is being rotovated, would it be able to go through bone....? Wonder if there is a video of rotovating!
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Unless you have a wheel-driven one, there is bumping & jumping - especially when you hit rocks - & rocking to & fro engage the tines, & pulling down to stop it rushing forward. And the smell of the exhaust!
Bones? I would say 'no'. Sorry!
The soil? Worms, sadly. Pieces of china, stones, left-in potatoes in chunks. Fluffing up - too much if you work it too fast. Then you have to tread it all down again!
If you're serious, & can wait till Wednesday, I'll do you a video on e-mail??
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Hey tim, DONT DO IT, she may be trying a dummy run ;D ;D then bump off her OH ( that's if multi veg is married) when her OH comes home late OR drunk from the pub :P :P then put him in the lottie in the welsh hill sides, ;) ;)
mind you, i found the views and most of the people around there to be very nice, :)
the Brecon hills and Sennybridge area, :o when i worked there for a short time, i didnt want to go home to wiltshire, and OH :-X ;D didnt say that :o :o
just joshing
catch you again
windy
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Not in any hurry tim! Would a shredder do bones? ???
There are these 2 women (call them A & B for the moment) who are friends and share an allotment. B is having an affair with A's husband. A discovers them at it but they don't notice her. A kills B on the allotment and needs to dispose of the body. Perhaps an autumn murder - then rotovators and shredders, then planting raspberry canes. Want A to get away with it for a long time - perhaps until the allotments turned into a housing development?
As for OH - the allotment is in his name so would it get transferred to me after his death!!?? But then, who would I have to do the digging, the back-scratching, and how will I get to Ryton (I don't drive)???
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Trial run, someone?
Don't know. Heavy duty one probably, but your average home one - doubt it!
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Good traditional axe should do for chopping said victim up into little bits, then load into a black back and pulp with a sledge hammer before pouring human puree into the raspberry planting hole.
That should do the job.(http://bestsmileys.com/halloween1/16.gif)
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Ooooeerrrr!! she says...tiptoeing out of shed....really, really....quietly.....
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Strange this topic should crop up....I was only this morning digging a trench for my beans next year.
I have taken it down a couple of spits and one of my neighbours came up and asked if I was getting rid of the Governor... I told him..."no way.. my dinners nearly ready"
Derek
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I wouldn't think a rotavator would do more than superficial damage to a body, but it could be interred under the compost heap. The heat from the compost would mess up thermal imaging nicely and make it that much harder to find.
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I once wtched one of these true life American crime file thingies where the hubby had frozen his wife in the chest freezer then put her through a chipper. They identified her because it didnt chip the teeth and one of her fingernails was still in the inerds of the chipper whrn he took it back to the hire shop. Be afraid, be very afraid !!
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Funny your should mention murder. I am half expecting to find a body in mine when ever I do any digging. The plot hadn't been cultivated for around 40 years - so local people tell me.
The previous owner let things go a bit wild. Allotment association finally got rid of the chap last year and spent £££ clearing the plot. He even put string around his legs for fear of all the rats that inhabited the place.
When I took over the plot I would find deep fox holes where the shed used to be. I would also find animal bones that my trusty mantis tiller dug up for me. My imagination runs riot when I think that a body could be buried here for 40 years and no-one would have found it until the previous owner could no longer keep the plot going. And little old me takes it over.
I doubt that a rotivator would chop up the bones. I would wait until a few weeks before bonfire night. Start building up a pile with debris. Cut down a few overgrown hedges, invite your fellow plot holder to burn his tree branches on your fire.
Dismember the body, place these well inside the bonfire and build up the heap. Find out what time your fellow lottie holder is coming down to help you light the fire. Go down much earlier, get the fire well alight and the body burning, and start putting his tree branches on top. By the time he arrives, tell him you heard there was going to be heavy rain and thought you should start the fire earlier to ensure all the wood gets burnt. Tell him he can go back to his family to enjoy the fireworks at home.
Once the fire is burnt, dispose of any remaining bones in the compost/and or bury them under the raspberries or any fruit bushes, ( most gardening books say that fruit bushes should always be hoed carefully as the roots are near the surface) hence bones will not be found.
Lily
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Sorry forgot to mention that my cultivator is pretty tiring on the hands. It makes them ache when you use the tiller for any length of time.
Perhaps your suspect could develop white knuckles due to using the cultivator/rotovator too much. Goes to the doctors for advise and is told to give the allotment a rest. She finds the plot becomes over grown a bit which in turn hides some of the evidence.
After all you only need to cultivate 75% of the plot before anyone can complain about you. Most people go the the allotment for peace and quiet, so you could hide the body for ages.
Lily
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Thanks for the ideas, now have to think of an idea that has B going away (maybe A could buy a plane ticket in B's name and send it to her on behalf of a company saying Congratulations on winning this competition...).
Maybe just having them take over an overgrown plot - good reason to have a bonfire to get rid of stuff and invite fellow allotmenteers to give stuff for burning. Wonder if the bonfire would be hot enough to cremate.
Thinking of bonfires - any restrictions on how early you can have one? Suppose should keep an eye out for washing on lines, etc... Is October too early to plant raspberry canes (would ideally like some decent weather for plot clearing purposes)?
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Just googled for information on cremation:
How Long Does The Actual Cremation Take?
It depends on the weight of the individual. For an average size adult, cremation takes from two to three hours at normal operating temperature between 1,500 degrees F to 2,000 degrees F.
Will a bonfire get hotter than 800 degrees celsius? How much stuff would keep a bonfire burning for more than a couple of hours...?
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Dismember the body, place these well inside the bonfire and build up the heap. Find out what time your fellow lottie holder is coming down to help you light the fire. Go down much earlier, get the fire well alight and the body burning, and start putting his tree branches on top. By the time he arrives, tell him you heard there was going to be heavy rain and thought you should start the fire earlier to ensure all the wood gets burnt.
The bonfire in question did get hot and I did get my fellow lottie holder to add his large amount of tree branches onto our fire, which we did light well before he arrived, (hope he isn't on this forum). It was still well alight when we left it 4 hours later. When I went down to my plot 2 days later the embers were still burning even after some heavy rain!! To which I added the remaining twigs ( these could be remaining bones) to the centre of the fire and covered with the hot ashes, to cook on the inside without creating any smoke. I, sorry, the suspect, could put some of the remaining ash onto the compost and some on the soil. Offer to give some of the potash to their fellow lottie holder, thus scattering the remains. Tell them that they found lots of fox holes on your site, with what must have been the remains of a few bones.
October would be a good time to plant Raspberries, ask a fellow lottie holder for some that they've dug up or thinned out..... Gosh just remembered this is fiction. I'm getting carried away with myself.
Normally you are not allowed fires on an allotment so would only have one around bonfire night, that way it wouldn't attract any attention. Set the plot in field at the back of a pub in a small village, surrounded by farmers fields (this used to be my previous plot) I didn't live in the village and few lottie holders did. They travelled from nearby. A fire could be lit on 5th November and all evidence burnt. Each time the suspect went down to her allotment she could dispose of the evidence in other plots without being seen, ( I often went to the old plot and didn't see a sole)
Just thought, dress the body up as guy Fawkes
Lily
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If 'B' is single. Maybe she could have a job that takes her abroad from time to time. Giving 'A' time to dispose of the body. 'A' could say that she has kept the plot going herself, because she hasn't heard form 'B' in some time and assumed she wasn't interested anymore.
Lily
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Just googled and looked at Exeter's regulations: http://www.exeter.gov.uk/index.aspx?articleid=1706
Permissible burning times on all Exeter City Council allotment sites are:
After 6.30 pm Tuesdays & Sundays from 1 April to 30 September
After 3.30 pm Tuesdays & Sundays from 1 October to 31 March
Perhaps a Tuesday sounds good - maybe more peeps on site on a Sunday?
Dartford allotments: Bonfires may be lit during the period 1st November to 31st March inclusive only on the first weekend (Saturday/Sunday) of each month, unless the weather is wet, in which case bonfires may be lit on the second weekend instead.
There are different local regulations and bye-laws regarding bonfires. Perhaps A inform the peeps who live bordering the allotment of a bonfire and if they have any woody waste they'd like A to use on the bonfire?
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Just an afterthought - pictures. Lily - do you have any pictures of your previous plot - i.e. the surroundings? Anyone else got pictures of allotments set in rural villages surrounded by some farmland and housing? Also, bonfire pictures and perhaps a picture or two of almost totally overgrown plots would be appreciated.
Thinking about the discovery years later - a ring with B's name on - would a gold ring (perhaps engraved) survive a bonfire and raspberries?
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That's a point wardy - wonder what pH raspberries like as well [raspberries like a slightly acidic soil... so lime might be out for that - maybe plant after the brassicas?]. Possibly lime would have to be used at some point somewhere. Perhaps B likes lager & lime?
How much lime would be needed for a bath!!?
Can A physically commit this murder and dispose of the body? Maybe A could be a failed (or drop-out) medical student, perhaps quit an anatomy degree - re if A cut up B for putting on a bonfire. Would there be a smell to burning flesh? Hopefully, there would be no wind to carry the smoke ... Think I am favouring the bonfire at the moment..
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Sorry no pictures of old lottie. But here is brief description.
Large field with hedges,divided into 12 plots, 6 plots by 6 plots, with no division of hedges between plots. Field on one side is used to house horses, 2 sides have wheat, 4th side overlooks onto land at back of pub which is very over grown, not touched in years - now there's an area for disposing of a body. Access to the plot is via a public footpath from a village road. Allotment is a few hundred yards from road.
If A and B meet regularly to go to allotment, A could give B instructions to go off to a garden centre for some equipment then come back to the lottie. People would see her go each week giving A an alibi. Just before bonfire night A gets rid of B in the shed on the lottie, poison in the tea, digitalis (Foxgloves- not sure how much to use to kill someone) wraps body in plastic. Stays late that night to get bonfire ready and burn body, then start piling up for community bonfire in next few days.
OH of A asks after B, A says she sent off to garden centre but says she wouldn't be coming back and would call her sometime soon, by which time community bonfire overwith, body burnt, each lottie holder gets a share of the potash (ashes) and scatters it over their site, any questions about bits of bones, 'A' could answer that there have been foxes in the area and found road kill on the village green and thought she should get rid of the bodies, rather than have children get hold of it .
Regarding the smell of burning flesh. 'A' is a very good cook and always wanted to spit roast a pig. This is roasted at the same time as the body is burning and if anyone comes along to see what she is doing, the smell is the spit roasting pig.
Lily
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Maybe I should go simple - and just bury the body. Then plant the raspberries in that patch.
How deep does your topsoil go? Wondering in, say summer, digging the area as deep as A can, then body plus lots of manure on top, then the soil. Cover ground with one mulching plastic/weed control (just in case some plotters bring dogs..),.... until autumn when raspberry canes can be planted. Mobile phone - it was the triangulation of mobile phone signals that pinpointed the last whereabouts of those poor lasses, so maybe the site has intermittent network coverage..
Hmm, its looking like I, me, is planning a murder :-\ :o ::)
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Hi Multiveg,
Dunno if you've seen it, but in the film 'Fargo' I seem to remember the murderer disposing of one of his victims in a huge shredder/chipper contraption. The scene was shot from a distance, but I definitely remember various body parts sticking out of one end and big spray of god knows what coming out of the other :P
Cheers,
Rob ;)
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Looking at an amazon order anyway, so might add that film on dvd to it ;D
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Mm, I do hope this murder is fiction, don't want to be an accomplice ;D ;D
Some top soil is not very deep on allotments. Even with double digging, I'm not too sure if you would get deep enough to bury a whole body. However, I did see on the TV, that one chap built up the mulching on his raspberries a good foot or more, so I guess it is feasible to bury a body as deep as possible, plant the raspberries and put a good layer of top soil and manure/ Mulch at the base of each plant.
A good variety of raspberries would be Autumn Bliss - very tasty too. These are cut down each year and new growth appears at the base of the bush. Often these new growths can spread out around the bush and in a year or two you have a pretty dense growth of raspberries. Or to prevent the body being dug up by animals etc. a weed suppresent could be used then add mulch on top of this.
Companion planting would help in disguising the smell of a rotting body. Lots of herbs, garlic and onions.
If A becomes the site representative of the allotment, over the years she could control who gets what plot and who lights fires etc.
Keeping track of who takes over by asking what they do for a living - if bones are scattered, she doesn't want any retired policemen/women taking over any of the plots.
'A' could be found out when the husband of a regular plot holder retires and is persuaded by his wife to help her out on the lottie. He gives it a good digging over ready for the potatoes going in - potatoes need a good covering of manure a few weeks before planting and need to be worked in. He finds a few remnants of bones, his suspicion is aroused, because he is a retired 'forensic investigator' and knows a bone or two!! ;D ;D
I wish it to be known that the friend I share my lottie with is a very good friend, we meet regularly on a weekend and I have no intention of bumping her off. ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Lily
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Well, I've now got a very worried OH, have been asking him how he'd get rid of a body on the plot....but forgot to tell him why I was asking!!!! ;D ;)
Lottie
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Had a thought then = body under the raspberries and all that. Wonder if A can have an accident and is in a coma for ages - perhaps she loses her memory! She would have to give the allotment up....
Could get him to do the digging and things if A gets pregnant. Perhaps A has missed her period a couple of days after she catches them at it. Decides to get rid of B because wants sprog to have a father around??? Perhaps A had already been a mistress or had known that her hubby had previous affairs, but the latest was someone she knew - B, her friend.....
Perhaps we should have a story competition!!! Murder and body disposal on the allotment!!!
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Multi, would be easy on mine as it, like many lotties, backs onto the cemetary, just add victim to a freshly dug grave! Mwahahahahahahaha
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You are going to have one of the wierdest list of credits at the front of your book (confidently assuming you will get it published)
Thanks for suggestions and support must go to:
Wardy
Undercarriage Plan
Doris_Pinks
Multiveg
etc.
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Serious or silly it may be but I have thoroughly enjoyed the sometimes hilarious comments.
May I suggest that we some A4A Oscars' for 2005.
1. The person who makes us laugh the most.
2. The most inventive allotmenteer
3. Skip scrounger of the year
There has to be more.....
Derek
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Was hoping that the plot is in a low signal area for mobile phones - they won't be able to triangulate a position (which has been used to pinpoint those unfortunate wee young lasses in Cambridgeshire a couple of years ago). Was almost thinking of having A kill the hubby as well - perhaps he comes to the plot and she has to kill him as he has seen B in her unfortunate state. Perhaps an engraved ring that B was wearing is tight on finger, and A can't get it off (no butter? handy) - when the bodies are discovered, B can be identified.
Have ordered a crime writing handbook thing from amazon. Will leave these things as ideas for the moment - not sure which perspective to narrate the story: as it happens, a reunion where the non appearance of B starts the question ball rolling, or from a forensic & police interview end when the pieces are put together when the bodies are found.
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If it's in a shallow enough grave for digging to find it, then foxes or dogs would dig it up. Put in in real deep and put a load of manure over it. Leave it to ripen for a year, so nothing can dig it up and thermal imaging can't find it, then plant an apple tree over it.
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Not saying, but my brother has written some crime fiction.
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Why Exeter, Multiveg? :o
My lottie is in Exeter, I'm just about to take delivery of a ton of manure! :o And move the raspberries! :o
We are not allowed to have fires though! Thankfully. ;D
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How deep are we talking Robert? Ooo, should A plant a green manure that would be in position for over a year? Which manure?
Googled for bonfire regulations, and Exeter council was one of the first ones to come up.
Amazon have despatched the crime writing book, so Monday (hopefully), will be engrossed in that.
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:o :o :o :o :o Your all mad.........mad I say!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Think you should go with pigs....they have tough old jaws and could just eat all the evidence.....+ you'd get bacon, sausages, chops......
Lottie ;D
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Did anyone ever read those books where you chose what happened next? Say, if the character turned right, turn to page 35, if the character turned left, turn to page 46..... make your own adventure books .... I never read one though.
Thats a point, a will..... perhaps I could make it look like the two timing *** killed B then killed himself on the plot, and A discovers them and buries them (presuming it takes place on the plot, and she was going to meet them there anyway).... Could get all complicated. I remember in school, some of the class could do each others' signatures... Maybe A could do B's signature which could increase the time B could go missing before causing suspicion. Maybe they even have keys to each others' houses.... Perhaps A could go on a spending spree with B's credit card on the computer. Perhaps A could use B's computer to write an email to her, covering tracks......
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Put it at least 3-4 feet down I should think, and remember they can still find it by thermal imaging, unless you've got anice warm heapof rotting muck or something similar over the top.
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Note to self: never annoy any of this lot.
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I can just see the headlines:
'Body found on Allotment, members of Allotments4All arrested for conspiracy'
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Lily
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The Defendants list would be very interesting then.
BTW the next time you hear from me I will be in Rio educating the children of other ex-pats ;D
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Re lime - well, quicklime, best hope that it isn't too humid/damp if this method is going to be used by A aka Ms Crippen.
The book arrived - very interesting reading. How about a frozen leg of lamb as a murder weapon that gets subsequently cooked...
Currently thinking about poison - foxgloves perhaps. Maybe A knows that B has a weak heart. Perhaps a long day at the allotment to give the poison a chance to work. Perhaps the date can coincide with a gardening related event that A remembers that most of the other plot holders on site were going.....
Have to make sure that B can convincingly disappear for a while - people have been convicted of murder even though the victim's body hadn't been found....
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Is the frozen leg of lamb a true story??? :o :o My Aunt used to tell the tale of how hubby killed wife (or vice versa) with said weapon and then fed the evidence to the police in sandwiches, i always thought it was a long tale! ::)
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Tis fictional Doris - penned by Roahl Dahl (perhaps one of his Tales of the Unexpected).
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Phew, though a good un! ;D
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Was reading about blunt instruments - the first blow might not kill.
Who, in Eastenders, did Pauline Fowler hit with a frying pan?
Thinking back to a Kitchen Garden mag - there was an allotment shed that contained a kitchen as they would have sunday dinner down the plot. How about a le crusset frying pan as a weapon?
Thinking at the moment of a combination of poison and a hit over the head with something hard. Poisons may take time to act. Perhaps B liked herbal teas, and a foxglove tea could be used.
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She hit Arthur, but didn't kill him, just winged him a bit... ::) ;D ;)
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Wardy - I remember buying Agatha Christie books for my grandmother. Went for the ones that I hadn't seen on tv. Might see if any have made their way to my mum's, or wil borrow from library. Currently reading JG Ballard's short stories at the moment. Quite bizarre. Wonder if I have the tales of the unexpected at my mum's. Remember something from reading one where someone was chopping a tree? and it was screaming....
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What if A tells OH that she is leaving him - doesn't give a reason.
A then bumps off B.
A has plastic surgery to look like B.
OH goes off with A thinking it's B
No-one is looking for B, because A is now B.
No-one is looking for A because she's left, A is still there anyway - as B.
If the body is found they won't know who it is because no-one is missing.
Brilliant ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Lily
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Lily - wasn't there a drama with thingy from Minder - she-devil? Googled - The life and loves of a she devil.
Where the wronged woman has plastic surgery to make her look like the other?
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Lily - wasn't there a drama with thingy from Minder - she-devil? Googled - The life and loves of a she devil.
Where the wronged woman has plastic surgery to make her look like the other?
Don't remember that one Multi, thought I had an original idea then, Doh ;D ;D ;D Must put thinking cap back on. ::)
Lily