Allotments 4 All
General => The Shed => Topic started by: Palustris on September 01, 2005, 20:07:39
-
Is auto-cannibalism self-defeating or is it just a pain?
-
I know I'm walking into something here...But the compulsion is too great....I'll go with both and a really worried, Why????? Be gentle, Eric, I've been trying to train a sulky furby, **** things!
Lottie ;D
-
Pedestrians Drive Slowly!. No they don't, they walk!
-
I'm getting a real bad headache now!! And still walking into something, I just know it!! Very funny, but what's the connection with......AAHHHHHH Light has dawned!! LOL...doh! Lottie ::) ::) ::)
-
Do you boil the kettle for tea?
No I boil the water in a kettle!
-
(http://bestsmileys.com/signs8/21.gif) ;) Lottie ;D
-
Radio Announcers, saying " I will see you tomorrow, same time, same place'
;) ;) ;) ;)
-
"Police slow" .....so why do they complain if I drive fast
"Slow Accident"...really? Must drive faster in future
"Pedestrian Crossing" ....waited for ages but never saw one so gave up
"Pelican crossing"...now you really must be joking!!!! Will leave that to lottie to explain.... ;D
-
Ahha! See I wouldn't fall for the pelican one, cos I know that they fly........ ::)! Got one from my son, "what do you call a car with no wig?" Me "But cars don't wear a wig, Hun??" Son " no really, mum, what do you call a car with no wig?"
" A car!!!!" Then son falls about floor laughing. Very proud! Very confused, but very proud! Lottie ;D ;D
-
People who live in glass houses should'nt!
-
Outside of a dog a book is man's best friend. Inside a dog it's too dark to read.
-
Take a shower without drawing the curtains..... And Aqui....Not you too!! Keeping thinking about reading in a dog now!! Ewwwww! Going to need to lie down in dark room for bit......... ;) Lottie ;D
-
People who live in glass houses should'nt!
In Kitchen Garden mag a while back, there was an article on this bloke who lived in a polytunnel.
Did whatshisname, Blaine bloke, have any stones to throw when in that glass box hanging from crane - how about people outside throwing eggs?
-
Slow Children Playing.
Quick children are inside learning?
-
Do cannibals get up from the table after everyone's eaten?
-
(http://bestsmileys.com/silly/14.gif)
-
All this talk of cannibalism reminds me of one of my all time favourite jokes (well - one of the three that I can remember anyway!)
One cannibal turns to the other cannibal and says "that clown tasted funny".
Now don't all laugh at once. :-\ (my delivery is even worse when I say it than when I type it!)
-
i thought i was funny aquilegia , but it did take me a moment to get it , i must be blond ;D ;D ;D
-
slow mud on road?
-
I never remember jokes!! But the furby came out with one this morning.........erm..............Bottoms!! Forgotten it! Lottie ;D
-
lmao got no one working in the office now cos I just read these out they are all to busy laughing. ;D ;D
Iain
-
ROAD SIGN. Slow Old Peoples Home. So where do the more sprightly go?
-
And for the original question.
ERIC,DON'T DO IT
-
(http://bestsmileys.com/eating1/3.gif) Bit concerned, he's gone a bit quiet..... :o Lottie
-
I was brought up not to speak with my mouth full, you will have to wait until I have finished this finger roll!
Heard one on TV just. "This is where the cooking begins in earnest."
Well in our house the cooking begins in the oven!
-
LOL!! OK you win Eric! That funny! But poor Ernest.. ;D Lottie
-
Gardening on TV.
Don't even think about it, the soil does terrible things to the insidewhen it falls through those little slots in the back of the set!
-
Think I might fall off as well......... ;D Lottie
-
How about this one:
Time flies. You can't. They move too fast.
-
(http://bestsmileys.com/thinking/1.gif)
AAHHAAA!! Got it! Am I as slow as I think I am...... ::) ::) ::), on second thoughts.....ignorance is bliss, don't answer that!!
Lottie ;D
-
Time flies like an arrow but fruit flies like a banana
-
You got me Hex!! Had to ask OH ::) ::) ::) But don't tell Eric....
Lottie ;D
-
Can you do Mexican in a microwave or does it need a whole stadium?
-
I don't know nothing ,so surely I must know something.
Montanum
-
I'm so sad!! Said to hubbie,"Do you know any little, confusing one liners? Cos I don't", his repsonse? " You mean clever things......." ::) ::) ::) I will come up with one, I will, I will, I will.......Lottie ;D
-
If sleeping dogs may lie then do they tell the truth when awake?
-
This statement is a lie.
(Think about it).
-
I just got a stainless steel spade for my wife.
A fair swap I reckon!
-
Indecision is the key to flexibility.
You cannot tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
Sometimes too much drink is not enough.
The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.
I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.
This is as bad as it can get, but don't bet on it.
Never wrestle with a pig: You both get all dirty, and the pig likes it.
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Error, no keyboard -- press F1 to continue.
There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
Hard work has a future payoff. - Laziness pays off now.
What is a 'free' gift? - Aren't all gifts free?
Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Old soldiers never die; young ones do.
If you're right 98% of the time, why quibble about the remaining 3%?
Laugh at your problems; everybody else does.
Avoid cliches like the plague.
Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.
A friend in need is a pest indeed.
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard drive?
All's well that ends.
-
Well, that's me snookered Redclanger!! That's all of them! Will have to come up with cunning plan......Oh dear :-\ Lottie
-
How can The Secret Bunker be a secret bunker when there are road signs all round it to show you how to get to it?
-
It's amzing what you get when you Google. (http://bestsmileys.com/cool/2.gif)
-
Well, of course, some of us like to use our God-given talents..... which would be why I've not posted one as yet.. ;D
Lottie
-
Mine are all mine own musings!.
Daughter came up with one today. "Mother is putting on the vegetables!"
Hmm, conjures up a lovely picture of amazing fashion designs with a few corn cobs, a couple of cabbage leaves and a handful of green beans!
-
;D ;D ;D! My OH likes me to put the kettle on...kinky........
Lottie ;)
-
My oh allways ask me to put the kettle on but it does not fit ;D ;D ;D
-
You're probably trying to put it on inside out Dibs ::), the spout has to go on the outside. or you snag your tights, which means they'll be useless for silly faces later! Ooo and make sure it's empty too.... ;D Lottie
-
Have you ever actually tried to turn a house upside down??? Blooming heavy it is...............
-
child on board? buy them a car seat like the rest of us
as seen by OH in mens toilet - wet paint, this is NOT an instruction
-
Why is it that the thing you have lost is always in the last place you look for it?
-
That's easy Eric - it's called sod's law.
-
Have you ever actually tried to turn a house upside down??? Blooming heavy it is...............
No, but I've seen pics of houses turned upside-down. It was after an earthquake somewhere in Japan; the houses had been built on wet sand, and the vibration liquified it. The whole row had capsised, quite literally.
-
thats where i am going wrong lottie tryed putting the kettle on with water in it ;D ;D ;Dand allways thought your head had to go up the spout
-
;D ;D ;Dand allways thought your head had to go up the spout
LMAO!!!!! So tempted to add comment in correcting that statement but daren't cos I'm a nice innocent lad ;) ;D ;D ;D :P
-
And now for a clever literary question. If two wrongs do not make a right, then why does a double negative make a positive?
-
hem hem.....In the first instance, the second negative (wrong) has no effect on the first negative: it is in fact independent and as a result of the first action. In the second instance, the second negative refers to and acts upon the first negative, thereby reversing its polarity. They are entirely different, obviously......... ;D Lottie
-
Why is it that the thing you have lost is always in the last place you look for it?
Because once you found it, you stop looking
-
At last!
Tehn why is it that you always have more things to put in drawers than you have drawers to put them in?
-
Ahh, now that would be too much shopping! Or you've been washing your chest of drawers on too high a temperature ....... ;) Lottie ;D
-
glad you never added to the comment icyberjunkie , ;D ;D ;D ;D
-
I don't get it ??? Lottie ;D
-
get what ?????????????????????lottie
-
What do you call tights that are too big for you?
-
Normal.... ::) ::) ::) Lottie