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General => The Shed => Topic started by: Jeannine on October 06, 2015, 08:41:34
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Hi Folks, well I have finally a lot of time on my hands..sadly John is in the hospital , it has been about 4 months now, he is waiting there for a particular care home to come up..he is well physically apart from being fairly frail but his Alzheimer's is fast taking over now. He still knows who I am most times but he believes the hospital is where we both live I think. When he sees me he has no recall of the fact that I may not have been for a few days so he is well settled. Of course he has to be bathed, shaved etc. He still has a huge appetite but things have to be cut for him and he can't use a knife anymore. |He still can read but can no longer write, if he tries he seems to have an alphabet all of his own although he can still form part of his first name.. sort of like this Jholn
So now I am not a care person 24 hours a day I have loads of time on my hands, but I rarely leave the house to go anywhere but the hospital and the grocery store occasionally.
My two Chihuahuas are a great comfort though.. Florence is the bossy one who won't share and Maisie is the sweetheart who Florence pushes around a bit, however they are litter sisters and are extremely close as long as the whole world realizes that Florence is a princess and expects all the petting, snacks..in fact everything that is being dished out,has to be first to her. They are like Mexican hot water bottles in bed and both sleep right nest to my face. They are very sweet and I thank God I bought them. They have a doggy buggy which sort of acts like a walker for me so I take them into the hospital where they are a big hit with everyone.
We have a lovely unused guest house on our property and am thinking of starting a Prayer Shawl Ministry in there, hopefully I will meet some good folks and not be so lonely then.
I should be able to get on the site more if anyone remembers me and this time I will be able to answer.
I miss you all you know, you are a great bunch.
I planted my Red German garlic today and am hoping to grow some stuff over the winter in my greenhouse, we do have a heating option there if need be.
Oh and here is a funny thing..my son in law has just taken early retirement and we have decided to make wine, the last time I did that I was dressed in cheesecloth with flowers in my hair....anyway we have two lots of stuff going.
I have been really naughty with my Radley bags..thank goodness for e Bay.. I have almost all of the Signature bags now and my daughter has started to collect them too.
Trying a little at a time to work on my dolls house I had sent from the UK.. Grovener Hall, it is lovely but quite the project.
Well a bit of an update, I hope all is well with everyone and I shall look forward to hearing from those who wish .
XX Jeannine
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Lovely to hear from you Jeannine again.
I am glad in some respects you have some time on your hands because it is so hard to be a carer 24/7 and it also so hard to come to terms with having to let go and get help.
What sort of wine is being made?
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Dear Jeannine,
so sad about John, but also so uplifting. Your post reads like a huge weight is off, yet you still can enjoy time together at a good level and without the burden of his care needs. I bet there are plenty of smiles and laughs. And to read that you have time for yourself again and for your hobbies and for who you are, is so good too.
So, welcome back on here. We haven't forgotten you. In fact just a couple of days ago we had a jam making topic on here and guess what?- your name and advice popped up.
I would like to thank you for the Berkeley Tie Dye seeds. They are a little marginal here, but on the second attempt I got great tomatoes and large too (biggest this year) with glorious colours and superb flavour. Just the thing to really brighten our day. Thank you for a little happiness. Your ears must have been tickling when I sent a 'virtual' thank-you as we enjoyed that first bite. :wave:
Welcome back :icon_cheers:
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Lovely to hear from you again, I have fond memories of meeting you and John at Barnsdale years ago when we met up for that tour and seed swap. I guess it is a difficult adjustment for you not being constantly busy, but with your many and varied interests I'm sure the time will be filled productively! :wave:
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So good to hear from you again, Jeannine. :icon_cheers:
I am sorry to hear that John's condition has deteriorated and that he is now in hospital. He sounds as though he is content though and his being looked after by others now will give you a well earned rest and a chance to get your own life back together.
It is good to hear that your son in law has taken early retirement and hopefully, he will be able to do any manual work needed for you to grow a few veggies again in the garden. I hope the wine making goes well.
Welcome back to A4A, Jeannine; we look forward to you joining in with us all again.
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Sorry to hear such news Jeannine and I know a bit about what you are going through.
We had to make a decision to put my Dad in a care home or let my mother look after him.
I checked with a very good doctor friend of mine on what to do and his reply was :
Put him in the home as he will pull all the strength from your mother to a point where she might pass away before him
Put that way made the decision a no brainer.
Much as you will miss him around the house think of it this way you will have a life, and as you have fpund you can do things that otherwise you would not have been able to do, e.g. starting a Prayer Shawl Ministry as you have mentioned.
Speaking of time on your hands I have been working on my website with something that I can do during the winter months when I have time on my hands and that is I have converted lots of my gardening pictures into Jigsaw puzzles, perhaps you would like to join me in building them.
Up to press I have completed two or three hundred jigsaws and I am planning on putting up more.
They can be found here:
http://www.thegardenersalmanac.co.uk/Jigsaws/Introduction.htm (http://www.thegardenersalmanac.co.uk/Jigsaws/Introduction.htm)
So take care Jeannine you deserve a rest and possibly like my mother you will find time to do all those things you couldn't do before.....Tg
ps anyone else interested in jigsaw puzzles can also join in...Tg
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Hallo Jeannine,
My heart goes out to you.poor thing , you have been through so much ! The Prayer shawl group is a truly wonderful idea. I am recovering from a big op ..... and it was a really heart warming surprise when my church gave me one .I cant tell you how much it has meant to me....so you go for it ...wonderful ! Thinking of you Debbie :coffee2:
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Lovely to hear from you Jeannine, and great to know you will be on here mo4re, even if the reason is sad. You are definitely not made for being on your own, so get that Prayer shawl ministry started soon! But keep some time free for A4A! xx
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Hi Everyone, great to hear from you.
Davey.. the wine is...a Riesling from a 6 gallon kit..for my son in law to get a quick start and the other is a blend of home grown fruits from me.. Concorde grape, apple and strawberry.
again about 6 gallons..and the funny thing is both of us rarely drink it !!!
Debbie, it is wonderful to hear you received a prayer shawl I am hoping the group here takes off.
Galina, I am glad you enjoyed the seeds, you know I don't think I ever actually grew that one although I did buy the seeds so am pleased some got used. I have hundreds of varieties here and no idea what to do with them now.
Tee Gee, you are very sweet, I will definitely check out the puzzles it sound fasciating.
Deb, yes it is difficult adjusting to be truthful although it has been 4 months I have not adjusted yet.
You know most all the folks I know, relatives and pros have been telling me for almost three years to place John in a facility..it will be better for him they all said..well it isn't actually. While at home I took him out, he went to the theatre now and again, had meals out ,he had the dogs at home and the freedom to wander in his garden whenever he felt like it, he was also well groomed and extremely well fed and often. The hospital shaved his beloved beard off, have made him wear sweat pants etc which he hated, the food is terrible,he is losing weight fast , they have sedated him which I did not as he hated medications, so all in all I don't believe it is better for him. The staff organise things to make it better for them not for John. The other reason given to me for so long was me.. I would be healthier, get a life back, get some sleep. less stress etc but again it is all wrong, since John left I eat now and again, sleep poorly, as for getting a life back, John was my life after 56 years I feel like half a person now and as for the stress..it is far far worse now. I didn't want him to go in, I still would prefer to have him at home. I don't go out without him, there is no enjoyment in it, it is less painful to stay home with my knitting. He was getting far better care at home and I was coping, it was hard I agree but the decision to place him was not because of me or him.... it was for other people.
I am not depressed by the way,although it might sound like I am. I am very sad and yes I do prefer to be alone rather than mix with folks but my Dr who I have had for many many years has told me that as John and I were so very close and we have been together for so long my pain is from grief not depression and while John is alive it is doubtful my grief will begin to heal...oooh that all sounds so morbid.
The Prayer Shawl Ministry is because I am always doing something craft wise which I then donate on and I have so much in the way of supplies, plus there is no chapter here,so it is really just a way of passing time, doing some good and unloading a lot of knitting stuff!!
I did try joining the seniors centre, paid my membership and everything..I tried the craft group. ideal yes...NO...it was the most depressing situation and they made me feel so old...OK so I am 73 and I don't walk well but I am not ready for the white cauliflower hair , my hair is still dark and very long. I came out of there feeling ancient, they seemed to be a group of semi zombies who had no inclination to do anything but sit and knit and talk about their ailments. I learned more about bowel problems in there than I did in nursing school . I looked at other groups but I am not into card games,don't like computers, the ones that were interesting were mostly dance groups( ballet, tap and Salsa for wrinklies) but sadly I can't join them anymore, hips won't take it..but I have to admit putting on my tap shoes and my pink satin ballet toe shoes would have been a treat. I still have them but haven't used them for years. Ok eck do I sound like them....no I hope not. I wanted to do something new and exciting, something to challenge me at the very least but it wasn't to be.
I think I can get more fun right here reading all your posts.
Thank you all again.
Is anyone growing anything through the winter in a hoop house or greenhouse..I want to that.
XX Jeannine
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Jeannine,
I am so glad to read your posts although sad to hear about John.
When your a couple, you 2 become 1 and its understandably hard to think about you and things that you can do without John and yes he's still there but your grieving for the loss of being a couple. Thats allowed and thats nothing i am sure you can't overcome.
I am also quite sure that there will be other people your age or similar who feel that way, you just have to connect with them.
Harriet is still playing with the pram and doll you sent and the dolly is called Jeannie
Will be great to chat online as we used to putting the veg world to rights :)
Hugs, Massive and long owed HUGS xxx
Cam
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He was getting far better care at home and I was coping, it was hard I agree but the decision to place him was not because of me or him.... it was for other people.
I am not depressed by the way,although it might sound like I am. I am very sad and yes I do prefer to be alone rather than mix with folks but my Dr who I have had for many many years has told me that as John and I were so very close and we have been together for so long my pain is from grief not depression and while John is alive it is doubtful my grief will begin to heal...oooh that all sounds so morbid.
I did try joining the seniors centre, paid my membership and everything..I tried the craft group. ideal yes...NO...it was the most depressing situation and they made me feel so old...OK so I am 73 and I don't
I think I can get more fun right here reading all your posts.
Is anyone growing anything through the winter in a hoop house or greenhouse..I want to that.
XX Jeannine
Your second post was very sad to read. I get that you are trying to put a brave face on many things but you are grieving for John and for your life together. Did you say that he is in hospital and waiting for a more appropriate place to go? Hope a place becomes available shortly.
Yes, why not do some winter gardening in the greenhouse. Have just googled the climate data where you are and winter gardening is very possible
https://www.mapleridge.ca/323/Climate
I have lettuce, cress, carrots, lambs lettuce, rocket and orientals in the greenhouse. Do you get 'living lettuce' packs from the supermarket in Canada? Easy to separate and plant up and of course you can sow now too, but they will be germinating and growing only very slowly. Easier to start with plants. But the others I mentioned can easily be sown now. For experiment you may want to keep a tomato cutting alive, especially if the greenhouse is frost-free, for really early tomatoes next year. Lots to try and you are bound to succeed with something. I just chuck seeds in at the moment and things will come up when they want. At the moment the lambs lettuces are starting to come up - that will go nicely with the Christmas dinner starter.
Good luck with the winter sowing and growing. :wave:
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Morning Jeannine I was only thinking of you the other day I still have lots of your tommie seeds in a box labelled Jeannines toms and as for the pass the parcel via a volcano gripping stuff. I did try to search a post of yours in which you listed your toms, no joy , as part of our seed sharing circle I've grown ' Vince' and its a real mystery it is a tomato that thinks it's a pepper big time I've emailed HSL but haven't heard back do you know anything about this one ?If it's new to you do you fancy some seeds? I could also throw in some dahlia seeds from the national collection they are the Barbara Windsor of the flower border .
Good to hear from you. Warmest wishes.
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MR..Hi, I have a tomato that thinks it is a bell pepper that is called Vincent not Vince but it is yellow, is the the one you mean?
Galina, thank you you are very kind,it is hard to write in a letter what one feels and get it right but I am OK really, well I plan on being so LOL.
I am going to try for the winter planting in the greenhouse tomorrow, my son in law is going to fix the heating for me if I need it but the glass is very thick so a bit better insulation that I got in the UK.
I found a volunteer tomato plant outside among my potatoes this year, I left it to ramble but it was in a partly shaded area so I finally took pity on it and replanted it in the greenhouse. I t was about 4 feet tall and very sturdy. I didn't think it would make it , much of the greenery died off but the thing has bounced back, It has huge really huge flowers on so now I am curious so am hoping to take at least a couple to maturity with a bit of heat. We had a rat last year who took a fancy to my red tomatoes in the greenhouse and the blasted thing beat me to it on a lot of them so I missed out on some varieties.anyway it will be a battle of the elements I guess but who knows.
XX Jeannine
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Thanks Jeannine, that's it! the packet from HSL was clearly marked vince but I guess that's the joy of seed collecting keeps us on our toes. Thanks again and here's to 2016 , I'll kick off with geraniums in January......
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Hi again, my seeds came from Seed Savers in the US, the man who sent them was from Germany and was a member offering seeds in the Seed Savers year book a few years ago. His name was Klaus-Peter Schurz so if you look him up on the net you may find some more info. They were stuffer types, bell shaped , regular leaf and about midseason for me and a nice yellow,, that is what my notes say anyway. Hope this helps. I don't know if made the tomato or got them from another breeder but you may be able to contact him
XX Jeannine
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Thanks Jeannine, once I've removed the seeds defiantly going to stuff. Galina suggested I get back to HSL which is a good idea.
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Lovely to see you on a4a Jeannine, you are always missed. I'm very sorry John is in hospital and hope a place becomes available for him very soon in your chosen care home. Is it fairly close to you?
I think your idea of starting a Prayer Shawl Ministry is good, I know how much you have to share with others and it will be good to be meeting other people and keeping busy.
Both of your wines sound lovely. My last wine making encounter was one with elderflowers, all went well until a couple of bottles burst! Luckily they had been moved from the house to the shed the day before, I can't imagine how much mess their would have been in the kitchen otherwise.
I wrote a pm to you earlier which I stupidly lost by pressing the back button and can't get it back. I'll write another very soon.
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Jeannine, hello, it is nice to pop back here after a long absence and have some news from you! I really do feel for you, my Mum passed away from Alzheimer's so I know how bad it is. Our health system is just not equipped for dealing with this terrible disease but the strain is so bad on the carers, it is hard to keep the people at home. Difficult to know what the best solution would be.
I just hope that you still get some enjoyment out of every day, and I am thinking fo you and John,
All the best, Adrienne
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Hi everyone,well here I am again ,still hanging in there but some more changes.
John now has a permanent placement in a care home just 3 minutes drive from me so that is so much better. I am still gutted he is away but I seem to have accepted it now. I have to be brief as I am writing on a borrowed tablet and it keeps going very odd.my laptop died yesterday and my new one is coming on monday.
I am doing om,not so weepy and am starting to sow stuff.I hate this machine but wanted to touchbase...we you all after on day j hope and am pretry sure I will be around now,life is more on an even keel and I seem to be starting to take an interest in things again....gotta go this machine is just too frustrating to write with. My love to you all Xx jeannine posting with all the errors..should read I am OK lol
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Hi everyone,well here I am again ,still hanging in there but some more changes.
John now has a permanent placement in a care home just 3 minutes drive from me so that is so much better. I am still gutted he is away but I seem to have accepted it now. I have to be brief as I am writing on a borrowed tablet and it keeps going very odd.my laptop died yesterday and my new one is coming on monday.
I am doing om,not so weepy and am starting to sow stuff.I hate this machine but wanted to touchbase...we you all after on day j hope and am pretry sure I will be around now,life is more on an even keel and I seem to be starting to take an interest in things again....gotta go this machine is just too frustrating to write with. My love to you all Xx jeannine posting with all the errors..should read I am OK lol
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Lovely to hear from you Jeannine - sad to hear about John but glad for you that he is close by. Now that he is settled I hope you will soon feel better and will have time and more energy for growing things now that Spring is on its way.
A big hug and welcome back :wave:
Tricia
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Thank you the hug and cheerful wave,I really miss you all so new resolution is to stay I touch Xx jeannine
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Happy to see you back posting Jeannine.
But sorry to read your news about John, though very glad he is closeby and you are managing.
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Hi Jay. and thank you. It is incredibly hard much much worse than I could have dreamed of. My best friend of 40 years lost her husband the very same day that John went into the hospital and she says that she thinks it is harder too. Watching someone gradually lose themselves bit by bit and knowing there is no chance of remission etc is almost impossible to deal with. The best way I know is to be alone and quiet but of course everyone thinks then depression has set it. It hasn't and thank goodness my Dr agrees. It is grief but usually a person can start to heal after a death whereas this just gets worse every day as John loses something else. I find every stage starts another bout of grief.
Having said all of the above I am trying to focus on other things.
I found a packet of TPS Ratte in among my seeds the other day that came from you, thy have probably had it but I have given them a chance. In fact everything I have sown is very old, it is along time since I bought seeds, but it is amazing just what has germinated. I also sowed seeds from the odd branch od Tommy Toe, plus seeds from me Tiny Toes and your Tiniest Toes. It was an afterthought and just a few days ago so don't know about those yet.
I also found some old Daubenton seeds from HSL so with fingers crossed they went in too. I think I am asking a lot but who knows. I let my membership lapse so have no idea what HSL have now and I am so out of touch generally.
Hope you are doing well and growing great stuff this year.
I miss our chats, infact I miss you all but didn't feel able to communicate or jin in for a long time , despite one or two tries, but I think I will be OK this time.
Bless you all,
XX Jeannine
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where hear for you always Jeanine xx
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Thank you the hug and cheerful wave,I really miss you all so new resolution is to stay I touch Xx jeannine
Jeannine, yes please do stay in touch. We may not fully understand what you are going through with the very long and painful goodbye to John, but we are here and very happy to listen.
Don't worry about the tps. Apparently they can outlive most other seeds, ten, twenty and more years. I found this out only recently. They even germinate faster when they are older. No rush there.
Tomatoes do ten years easily and up to 12 years here. Peas up to 9 and squash up to 10 years. Hope you are still fine for most of your seeds and can watch new seedlings popping up every day. :wave:
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It is somehow very comforting in an odd sort of way to see seeds popping up which are old and theoretically past it. I seem to want to use them up as if I am responsible in a strange way. I have them in a heated propagator, I call it "my delivery room" then when they pop up they are moved to the "nursery" under the lights.
Galina I sometimes think I am losing it LOL .I have these great long conversations with what appear to be empty Jiffy Pellets, then I compliment them when I move the little "greenies" on after they appear, oh and I mustn't forget the long discussions I have with my Chihuahuas about what to sow !!!!
I guess somewhere along the line I have managed to maintain a bit of my sense of humour. :laughing7:
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Jeannine, my boyfriend's mum has Alzheimer's so I know a tiny bit what you're going through. It's heartbreaking to see such a lovely lady suffering such a horrible disease - as you say, it's like little bits of them get lost and you can never get that back. You just have to try to enjoy whatever time you have.
I know it's a million times harder when it's a partner. Make sure you're taking care of yourself too.
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Thank you Silverleaf.
It is hard, John and I have been married for 57 years at Easter, he is a Mensan with a very high IQ so it is especially difficult to watch the process. There are many milestones that one goes through. John himself was very realistic about his diagnosis, he knew what was coming and he left written instructions to guide me regarding choices. I didn't agree with them all but I do as he asks which in itself very difficult sometimes.
I too am realistic, it is a terminal illness, many folks don't realize that. He is dying I know that but he is way past the point where he knows what is happening now which is a blessing. He is living in the moment. Often I meet folks who think it is just a memory thing but of course it is not, he is gradually losing functioning parts of his body. I think his swallowing will be next but I am prepared for that. Actually I am pretty much prepared for all that is to come on a logical level but there is always that part one oneself that just doesn't quite expect it will go the way it must. I am better when the folks around me are just straight forward and don't try to do what I call " the there there never mind thing". I understand folks want to make others feel better and don't know how. I too feel the same thing when other folks are faced with severe illness. People are embarrassed and uncomfortable about the dying and feel they need magic words to make it all better. I actually had two people who said more or less the same thing and that was "well at least it's not cancer." The thing is if it were cancer I could support him verbally and he would understand.
I appreciate your post, thank you and of course I am very sorry to hear about your loved one too. It is a shi...y disease that takes all people and we are long overdue some good heavy research into it.. I have been told that many people die before the illness takes them from other health problems but John is unusual in that he has no other issues so I have also been told it may take longer for him.
Life is very odd but we try to count our blessings where we find them.
Thank you again
XX Jeannine
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Thinking of you, sowing the new years seeds always seems like such a hopeful act doesn't it, whatever is happening in your life and the challenges you are facing take a brief respite. You need to have these little acts of hope to keep you going I think.
I was thinking of you as I sowed some "Jeannine's lettuce mix" and some of your "lucky dip" heritage tomato seeds the other day. I have sown and saved those seeds ever since the infamous seed swap at Barnsdale, and have given loads to our lottie plant sales over the years, so who knows how far those original seeds have spread over the years, it's a heartwarming thought eh.
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Galina I sometimes think I am losing it LOL .I have these great long conversations with what appear to be empty Jiffy Pellets, then I compliment them when I move the little "greenies" on after they appear, oh and I mustn't forget the long discussions I have with my Chihuahuas about what to sow !!!!
I guess somewhere along the line I have managed to maintain a bit of my sense of humour. :laughing7:
Talking to plants is a very normal and sane thing to do - have to think whether this includes empty jiffy pellets? But the seeds inside do need all the encouragement they get to germinate - which surely means it's all good! :sunny:
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Just a wee update I wanted to share.
When John was in the hospital waiting for a care home placement they had him sedated as they has him on a regular ward. I wasn't happy and was never very sure whether what I saw was the sedation or the progression of his disease. Since moving to the facility they promised me that they would get him down to the lowest dose as soon as they could. They are doing that and John is more alert. He is less like a zombie, he is chuckling and there is a little bit of him coming back. He has asked for the toilet several times, ( the hospital put him in paper underwear and said he was incontinent) so he is being toileted again. A few days ago he got a private room so he can have a lot of his won things, chairs , DVD, stereo etc, and he now appreciating the sound of much of his favorite music.
It is just a small thing but at least I know just where he is with his Alzheimers and not just vegetative due to drugs. It means we can enjoy the occasional moment together and these are very precious to me. I took him in some plants and he is still almost with me enough to recognize them as mini rose, daffodils and an orchid.
Good things come in small packets,, thank God for the small packets.
XX Jeannine
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We have had a good week, I have brought John home two afternoons this last week, he enjoyed the garden, did a bit of watering and practically ate me out of house and home. I toileted him with no problems which goes to show he is not incontinent, they have him in paper underwear for their convenience. I was quite surprised when he greeted my daughters dog in his old way and with her name too.
Yep, it has been a good few days
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Jeannine, so pleased to hear that John had a couple of really good days and could enjoy himself. The bond between humans and animals must be very strong and formed in another way. Maybe John will be able to enjoy the dogs for a while longer yet. It will make the next step backwards all the harder to bear for you, but this week is a good week. Your kindness is organising such events for John which he can still enjoy at his level of illness :sunny:
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Jeannine, I am sending you lots of positive thoughts. You are right, most people think Alzheimer's disease is just getting doddery. My mum died from it, or a related illness, no one was really sure, and my dad was not at all prepared for the ranting, the wandering off, the absolutely bizarre behaviour, and of course forgetting everyone you love. Then the processes get lost, you can't dress or feed yourself, and then it goes downhill to a vegetative state. It is in my mind one of the worst diseases and I think we are not doing nearly enough to cope with it and find a treatment.
I really feel for you, and hope that you are doing OK,
Adrienne
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If a person doesn't die from an unrelated cause and the Az goes it;s full length, then the brain gradually turns off all it's functions, swallowing , sight, speech, are the noticeable ones but of course the brain also controls everything else too Most folks don't go that far though, often a chill can quickly turn into pneumonia . One of the odd things is that he is bruising very easily and his skin tears with any pressure. His forearms were almost black last week, now I know it is with lifting him up but I went to see the care director who has insisted the staff do not lift him that way so I am hoping that will stop now. He actually can get himself out of a chair but I guess they are in a hurry. Not good enough, but they know I will be back in if there is a problem
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Hi Jeannine,
Good that you and John had some good time together earlier in the month. Cherish the memories.
Luv and best wishes to you.
Paul.