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General => The Shed => Topic started by: flossy on February 21, 2009, 18:44:03
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After arranging my Mums funeral not so long ago, I tried to encapsulate the person she was,
fun loving, girl at heart, avid gardener, had long standing jokes, her youth and vitality during
her life . She was in her eightieth year .
I created a story of her life with a photographic album and all her years were celebrated, with
photos of her children, great and grand, poems, scraps of print that were in her albums were included in her story. It wasn't a funeral so much as a celebration of her life, her casket was so engulfed with
flowers that covered and drapped around her, it was hard to beleive she was under it all !
She came in with Glen Millers ' In the mood ' and travelled on with ' Little brown jug ' - her
favourite.
Her many freinds who attended , wanted to know how they could ' book ' a celibration rather
than a funeral !
I know what I want, and I shall tell you later xxx :-*
floss xxx
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Flossy, how strange you posted this. I was planning a couple of things today for myself. In touch with my own mortality at the moment.
I was thinking of ordering a cardboard coffin, getting my family and friends to paint, draw, write poems and whatever they thought related to mine and their relationships. To personalise and make it special. Because unless we see things like this before we die, its only those who come to our funerals who know what they send us off in.
Then I would like a green burial, not cremation. With a tree, possibly an Apple, Birch or Rowan planted were I am buried. And Snowdrops and Bluebells under the trees.
;)
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Star - seen the exactly the same thing on its not easy being green a couple of weeks ago and thought that was an amazing idea - takes a lot to plan those kind of things - not yet ready to do that myself - better the person you are for doing it - certainly the kind of thing i want
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Oh star , how lovely,
Will tell you some of mine, want burial ' cause then I can push up daisies, :)
No dig , hands won't get sore , and I can grow what I ask for -- bluebells,daffodiles, tulips
and a rose, then my peeps can come and enjoy my garden, lovely !
floss xxx
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My brother-in-law, who was a Jack the Lad and part Scottish, had a great funeral. As we came out of the church carrying the coffin after some warm and humorous tributes and some great singing, a piper in full highland regalia appeared on the green opposite playing "I've been a Wild Rover". Many of us clapped and cheered. It was so appropriate.
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I think its lovely to have everyone involved in doing things like this (decorating your coffin).....specially for grandchildren. Then they can ask you if you like something they have done and you're still there to say Yes.
Or they ask someone later.....Do you think grandma would like that? to be told.....yes Im sure she would.
Just my thoughts......................... ;)
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My Mum died 2 yrs next month 26th March. 2007. She was a born comedian and an entertainer at a few points in her life with telling jokes and playing eithere piano or organ. She had 2 electric organs in her house Despite being 89+ when she died she could still crack a joke with anyone listening including the doctors while she was dying. She was a character. For that reason her funeral in church was a celebration of her love for life and music. The man who has a Theatre organ in the vilage and is a great organist played all Mums favourite music for half an hour before the Church Service. Young and old attended her funeral and they enjoyed listening to well known popular tunes. This was followed by the CHurch Organist who also played Music Mum had enjoyed. I paid tribute to Mum and put in a few of her stories and so it was a light hearted service. SHe loved Pink and her floral tributes were mostly pink flowers. She is buried beside my Dad up in the Cemetery and I shall be beside her some day because I bought a few plots when my Dad died so all the Family will be together one day. There will be 10 of us, side by side. ;D
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Carol, What a lovely way to celebrate your Mums life and a beautiful thought that you
and your family will all be together one day.
I think our nearest and dearest will all find a lot of comfort if we spell out what it takes to make our
day special.
Think we should put pen to paper and put it where it's going to be found, still have ideas about
my ' sending off ' ---- hope they have a ball ! :D
floss xxx
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I have already laid out my funeral wishes in a document which is held by one of my executors, along with a copy of my Will. The basic outline is:
Horse-drawn hearse with one HUGE!!! bouquet of yellow roses
Music from Meat Loaf, Guns 'n' Roses & Bach
Cremation followed by scattering of my ashes up on the Yorkshire Moors
A party to celebrate my life with floral decorations of roses (yellows and reds) & fuchsias (purples, blues & whites).
CC
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Wow carrot-cruncher, thats gonna be some day, :D
Have thoughts on my music too, Lighthouse people [ hope I have that right ],
'' Lifted .... out of the shadows ' and my favourite for when I start my journey'
'' It's a kind of Magic '' who else but Freddie Mercury, gives me goose bumps every time
I hear it, what a star !
Gots to write this down ! ;D
floss xxx
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Well mines all planned, i did it when i was told i had cancer and needed a hystorectomy :( did not think i would wake up.
Woodland funeral, wooden coffin no varnish, loads of flowers, Solid as a rock playing if hubby is there and a tree on top, we are being buried side by side so our branches can touch for many years.
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I have all ways wanted an eco funeral, cardboard coffin et al. long before it became cool i was thinking this is what i want since in the early nineties. don't want to be cremated not sure why just don't want the fire :-X. would love to be buried in my home country of Trinidad (yep i know that's not very eco, flying me back home, so I'll have to arrange something prior ;)) without being cheeky to the big guy in the sky i would love to see my kids grown so kinda hope i have lots time left :) to get back home before the inevitable.
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weird, watching Freddy Mercury right now on tv :o
It's a hard life ;D
I've told my kids, any money left after my funeral has to be spent on a party, let's have a right knees up, I'll be there watching ;D
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I think funerals are the biggest waste of money going and I want my done and over as quickly and as cheaply as possible.
I think when people are at there most vulnerable they are taken advantage of and end up paying for things that are totally unnecessary.
I believe that those you love and who love you will always hold you in their hearts for the rest of their lives without a lot of pomp and show.
I would rather my friends and family have the thousands of pounds a funeral costs and go and have a jolly good holiday or whatever.
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My entire family know my wishes, and if they don't follow through, I have threatened to haunt them until they join me!
Cremation for me, don't want to be worm food, then my ashes are to be sprinkled to the wind on Westward Ho! beach, whilst the sprinkler - hopefully both of my children - are scoffing a Mr Hockings clotted cream ice cream, with extra clotted cream, and enjoying every slurp as I have done since I was a baby.
No flowers for my coffin, I don't like cut flowers, unless they have been picked from my allotment, and as cheap as possible. I don't want my kids having to worry about finances. As the party walks in to the crem I want Eric Clapton - Wonderful tonight, and as I trundle off I want Van Morrison Irish Heartbeat - not that there is an Irish bone in this old body of mine, I just adore that song.
For me, the most important thing of all, is that I can say goodbye to my babies. When my dad died, I didn't get to say goodbye, and I don't think I will ever get over that, the funeral is not important.
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I agree with Sinbad, total waste of money.
I told the misses just do it as cheap as possible and enjoy the money you would of spent.
Unless it's a baby or child then all our family funnerals have been quite a good time after the buriel has been over with.
Neil
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Paying for funerals & making one's wishes known....my advice is to buy a Funeral Plan (as they're called) NOW. You're getting a funeral for the future at today's prices and the prices of funerals rise every year - you can even pay by instalments or with your credit card(pity the Co-op don't give divvi stamps any more, cos if you bought it on a Thursday it'd be double-divvi day wouldn't it? ;D) and specify just what sort of funeral you want.
With the saving on an insurance policy to cover the future cost which you can then cancel, you can do whatever you want with the saved money NOW.
Wonder if it's in Martin Lewis' Money Saving Tips? ;D ;D ;D
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I agree that funerals can be expensive, but an Eco or environmentally friendly affair has
got to be cheaper surely -- anyway it's each to his own of course, :)
What I would like anyone to tell me is -- have you heard of any such like cemetries that
have developed with this type of burial as a priority ?
When I lived in Devon, there was a beautiful field we often walked very close to us, that
was rumoured to be of this type in the future ! Great , I thought - cant think of anywhere I would
rather be. Needless to say , we moved so at the moment I am anybodies, :o ::) ;D
Also has anyone heard of a whicker casket please ?
floss xxx
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I loved what my parents did when their parents died. I grew up with three grandparents, my mum's parents were a huge part of my life and I miss them dearly.
They grew up in the era when the person that had died spent the last evening at home (or their children's), and family and friends came to pass their last respects. My parents had each of their late parents bought by herse to their house, and the whole family came round to welcome them in for one last time. Even though I had 'left home' I always stayed over whilst my late grandparents were downstairs. All flowers were delivered to the house and the undertakers made their way from there.
I am 37, and love this respect and time to be with them one last time. On a lighter note we had to put the lids on the coffins to stop my parents cats nipping in for a kip.
When I go, eco coffin all the way, the quicker I am worm food the better.
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cocopops, sadly this is not the ' norm ' to honor your loved ones these days in this way ,
would have been some comfort to have them within the family for one last night, all
too soon they are wisked away -- leaving an empty space.
Still important and traditional in many europian countries, but lost in our country ways and floklore.
still can be done if we say that this the way we want it to be ?
floss xxx
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My Aunty died in December and had a wicker casket. I'm not sure where it was from but it looked quite like this....
http://www.wickerwillowcoffins.co.uk/photo.php?image=images/coffins/traditional/large/001F.jpg
Both Me and Mum looked at each other and said, when I go, I'd like one like that.
I would like a green burial site too.
Becky
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I always remember a story about a sailor who wanted his ashes scattered over the river Trent where he had sailed many times (a club I am a member of). It was all arranged and the Steward of the club at the time rowed his son, a church preacher and a couple of other close friends out in a boat.
Well, the preacher said his words, and the son was so moved he dropped the ashes urn over the side of the boat .... and it floated. The steward (never lost for a solution to a problem) simply reveresed an oar and proceeded to batter it into submersion! thus was his last ever sail (or capsize)!! Has amused us all ever since and given him the last laugh!
For me - I am happy to burn, but would like my ashes scattered on Tryfan (a mountain) where I have had some delightful days! A celebration sounds far better than a funerel too!
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I am friendly with one of the local undertakers for this area and when I asked him about the price of a green burial he said they were much more expensive than a Local burial or cremation. Not sure about the price of a wicker coffin but the plots for a Green burial are expensive. as below
http://www.nativewoodland.eu/index.php?page=how-much
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I agree that funerals can be expensive, but an Eco or environmentally friendly affair has got to be cheaper surely -- anyway it's each to his own of course, :)
What I would like anyone to tell me is -- have you heard of any such like cemetries that
have developed with this type of burial as a priority ?
http://www.woodlandburialparks.co.uk/
When I lived in Devon, there was a beautiful field we often walked very close to us, that was rumoured to be of this type in the future ! Great , I thought - cant think of anywhere I would rather be. Needless to say , we moved so at the moment I am anybodies, :o ::) ;D
Also has anyone heard of a whicker casket please ? floss xxx
http://www.woodlandburialparks.co.uk/
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Becky thank you, what a beautiful casket ! Just perfect -- will print it out.
I have looked through both the sites Carol and tonybloke, thank you -- they are truly
amazing. Gave me goosebumps as I watched the Video presentation, so peaceful and
a wonderfuly calm and beautiful setting for your family to visit. Can see my Grandchildren
enjoying a relaxed day out when they go to visit Nan.
Looks like I had better start saving ! Think I want a birdbox too -- for a robin, :)
floss xxx
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Told my lot they can do with me what they want, it's not like i will be able to complain is it. :)
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I ain't really fussed, but no preaching and praying, and 'Come on baby light my fire' as I go through the curtains.
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how about elvis singing 'return to sender' ;)
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;D at both you Ace, and you tony. Very good.
I remember when I arranged dads funeral, the cardboard coffin was a hell of a lot more expensive that their cheapest box. I mentioned that they could sling me on a bonfire at the allotment if they like, but we decided to site secretary, whose garden borders the plot, might not be too chuffed.
One reason I don't want to be buried is I don't want my surviving family to feel it is their duty to tend a grave. I don't want to be remember as dead! My great grandma and grandad are both buried in Devon, and it has been given to me as my duty to tend the grave whenever I visit. Yes, it is lovely and peaceful, and I do have a chat, but it is a responsibility I don't want my kids to have to worry about. I would rather them remember me in happier places as I remember my dad.
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star, think that the Duchess of Bedford had similar thoughts as you, she acquired
a cardboard casket and was in the process of decorating it with the help of
a professional artist. She did not want to join the urns of her husbands
ancesters, that were alcoved around a special room. Can't remember what
her plans for burial were.
floss xxx
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Tone and I have prepaid funerals cos the kids won't ever be able to afford to pay for them. When we went to arrange them I asked the lady how much the horse drawn glass carriages were and she said an extra 400quid. I said was it possible to get a ride in one before I passed away as I know when I see one I always stop and admire them. Needless to say she said "Don't think so love" I would just like to watch folks faces as I am passing by. (think I would have to have some holes drilled in the box so that I could see out though.
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I have always wanted to be cremated, never wanted to be worm food. I quite liked the idea of having my ashes made into a diamond and worn lovingly by some family member for all time..... ;D However, having researched the price and the thought of ending up in some porn shop at some point for the rest of my undead life, I have decided that I would like my ashes to be scattered from the rope swing in my local woods. I loved playing on it as a child and now my children (and me) still enjoy it today. It's a beautiful place and I like the idea of being scattered by someone a)trying to hold on to the swing and b) scatter me at the same time would be quite funny to watch ;D ;D ;D
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Remember that bride who got chucked out the carrage when the horse bolted,dread to think of that happening with a funeral,they do look very grand though. ;D
In some country's you get laid out in the desert,not much left of you very quickly.I like that idea.
I don't care if my box is wooden or cardboard,I don't fancy my kids or Grandkids drawing on it,It is all too morbid for me.
Just hope they have a good party with music I like.
I want to live on in their minds and heart. ;D
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I know somebody who had some ashes set into glass balls and they are now a solitaire set. I would hate to be stood on the mantlepiece until someone got clumsy and I finished up in the hoover. I would get my wife to scatter me in the sea near Rio. That would give her an excuse to have a good holiday.
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we recently buried my mother in a woodland burial ground and it was organised by the co-operative. she had a wicker coffin very similar to the photo posted. we took the cheapest option on most things and my father also bought a plot for himself next to my mum. the whole thing cost over three grand which is a lot of money in anyones book. the minister said that a cremation would have been a similar price (but it was not a consideration for us). my mum wanted to be buried at the woodland burial. i actually like having a place to go and 'visit' mum. i dont know why - its not like i dont think about her any other time, but having a grave gives me a focal point and the burial ground is such a beautiful and peaceful place to go. each to their own i guess. if i had the money i would buy a plot there now.
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I ain't really fussed, but no preaching and praying, and 'Come on baby light my fire' as I go through the curtains.
I want 'Smoke gets in your eyes'
then East St. Louis Toodle-oo either Duke Ellington or Steely Dan's version
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I have always wanted to be cremated, never wanted to be worm food. I quite liked the idea of having my ashes made into a diamond and worn lovingly by some family member for all time..... ;D However, having researched the price and the thought of ending up in some porn shop at some point for the rest of my undead life, I have decided that I would like my ashes to be scattered from the rope swing in my local woods. I loved playing on it as a child and now my children (and me) still enjoy it today. It's a beautiful place and I like the idea of being scattered by someone a)trying to hold on to the swing and b) scatter me at the same time would be quite funny to watch ;D ;D ;D
Samela
I'm gonna assume you meant "pawn" shop 'cos your spelling gave me some really funny ideas for a moment or two ;D ;D
CC
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Great thread folks.
I went to a funeral about 10 years ago & came away quite angry as I knew it did not represent the person who had died. Louise was in her early 30's and had died in a climbing accident. Her family had a religeous ceremony which meant her gay partner was excluded and was there with us as a member of the climbing club. We all knew Louise had different views on religeon from her parents and the whole thing felt wrong. Many of us said our goodbyes afterwards in something more befitting to her life.
Then 3years ago when my dad died and I arranged the funeral they way my mum asked, I was very aware how much it was for her and his friends and to fit in with their need to see "things done right". Now I have a dilemma - when my mum goes, I will have a church service for her as she would want that and so will her friends, family and the people she spent her life amongst. I hate church funerals as they are all about concepts I have no belief in, but for propriety sake, I suspect I will have to turn up and sit through it.
For me, it's easy - no kids and a partner who understands my connection to the earth, was cardboard, but I love that wicker thing, no gods, apart from those my friends want to bring, a tree up above and get it over with quick, I've gone, I'm not there in that shell any more, don't linger unless it helps them out ( assuming anyone will miss me, I'm a cantankerous old bag already!)
Important thing is to talk about it if it matters.
Cheers
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I don't want any religious involvement in mine. A simple cremation and my ashes scattered from Loughrigg Fell overlooking Grasmere in the Lake District .
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End of the day, funerals are for the living and for making them feel good when the day's over and they're left with memories?
So.....whatever you really want, why not make these wishes known and make good preparations/payments for them NOW?
Enough that those you leave behind have to cope with their own stress/loss etc., so go on! take your life/death in your own hands while you can....
Your loved ones will thank you for it and hey! If you decide to put a little something behind a bar for them, they might even drink your health ;D ;D ;D
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Our allotments go round three sides of the local "municipal" cemetry... nice quiet neighbours, rarely complain and good free fertiliser to the plots lower down the site... :-X
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Think I would like that saddad, qiuet as you say, wildlife, lots of birds and a few flowers,
can think of less tranquil places to have your lottie, lucky you , :)
floss xxx
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we've got the cemetery over our back fence! lovely quiet neighbours!! ;)
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Lovely tonybloke, bet you don't get rubbish thrown over or ...... at least 10 footballs
a year ! :D
floss xxx
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When I first started on the council, the department was Parks, Gardens and Cemeteries. So we all had to take our turns in digging the graves. When the council got a JCB I was the one that had done the training so for a few years it was all down to me to bury most of the Islands residents as they passed on.
Naturally if you took it all seriously you would be the most miserable sod alive, so pranks and jokes were everyday occurences to us.
I was filling in a grave that was the last resting place for a nun and whacking down the last bit of soil with the digger bucket, I shouted to my mate 'I bet that's the first time the earth has moved for her'. He nodded to me to look behind. There were the rest of the convent waiting to lay flowers.
Nearly lost my job, but spent a lot more time in the gardens after that.
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Ace , you kill me ;D ooops really that was ... 'his ' fault ' ::)
Stay with the gardens Ace, hopefully -- no Nuns ;D
floss xxx
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My funeral?
I don't want one. Just put me in a wicker basket for decency's sake, burn me, and dross me out over Wheeldale!
Maybe my family want some commemoration, so let them decide about that. I'll brew 4 gallons of Pale Ale they can sup!
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i want to be buried in a cardboard coffin http://www.creativecoffins.com/index.html
i want going underground by the jam and The RIde of the Valkyries" from Die Walkure
i want my family to smile and joke and celebrate my life, not mourn my death.
this is only part of our journey and i will catch up with them in the next part.
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I have a mate who's 5 foot small and one whos 6 foot four and I want them to be either side of the coffin, burn me and put the ashes in my compost bin. ;D ;D ;D