Topic: Effie is getting married

[ACE]

Effie would have been a nice girl if every sentence she uttered didn't start with a prefix starting with F! I found out today that Effie is getting married soon, I had already been booked the night before the wedding to do a bit of entertainment, which I though was just another gig in the local pub, guess where Effie is having her hen night on the same evening. In the aforementioned pub.

Now I take most things in my stride but I have to admit I am bricking it! Performing the rugby type songs and cracking dirty jokes won't be a problem but keeping my trousers on is a major concern. I thought I could cable tie my jeans to my shirt tail, but I reckon an extra safety measure could be getting my missus to sew  my undercrakers to a vest. Lets hope I don't need a tom tit during the evening. I shall also leave the Brut off that evening.

Now I expect some of you ladies have been to one of these events and have got yourself in a frenzy with the gang, so how best do I avoid being debagged and if I do get set upon how can I shock them into submission, I thought about painting it a bright colour and tying a presentation bow around it. But it might only encourage them to do worse.

Advice needed in the next few weeks. I thought about taking the Yeti in pink knickers along as security but she is just as bad after a couple of babychamps. I am at a loss what to do.

[Deb P]

I can't believe you are scared of a few 'worse for wear' ladies ACE............. ;D ;D ;D

Having been to some of these sort of 'events', I would be afraid......very afraid! After a few drinks, any man is considered fair game. Could you invest in a metal chastity belt perhaps?  ;D ;D

[betula]

Don't think you need to worry too much on that score Ace  ::)

[pumkinlover]

I can't remember the exact quotation- something along the line's

"Me thinks the gentleman doeth protest too loudly m'lord"  ;D ;D ;)

[Jeannine]

Relax, lay back and think of England Ace..I think that is the advice Mums used to give their daughters years ago.


Make sure your underkegs are clean.

Oh and don't be too down hearted if you don't get grabbed.


XX Jeannine

[Froglegs]

Stiff upper lip Ace.

[Grandma]

Watch yourself, ACE.

According to my crystal ball - I'm going to win the lottery; climb Everest; win Wimbledon; break the world record time for running the marathon and YOU are going to be ravished by a horde of amorous, nubile females.

That ball is never wrong.

[ACE]

a horde of amorous, nubile females

Now that would not be a problem, but if you think along the lines of the big fat gypsy wedding, you will be getting near the mark. I had a drink in the pub this lunchtime and even the landlord is having the evening off. But he reckons we should be safe, they have a male stripper booked, faggots and peas for a slap up meal, plastic glasses just in case of a ruck and he might give the floor a sprinkle of fresh sawdust to soak up the blood. ;D

Don't worry he said about them throwing their knickers at you, they don't usually wear them on a friday night, or any other night come to that. He has got a rather large bouncer to stop unwanted guests, so she should stop it getting out of hand. Also there is a lock on the door to the snug where we can claim sanctuary.