Topic: My husband's brain damage

[Digeroo]

I have decided to continue what I started yesterday for a little more. Apologies.

My husband had a stroke which has resulted in brain damage.  I usually do not mention it much.  Allotmenting and A4A is my escape and I do not want to bring my problems with  me.  People may have notice just how much escaping I do.

Where people have physical problem they have problems stepping out.  When you have brain problem you can end up out of step socially.  But while society is beginning to accept the former we still find the latter very challenging.

I am certainly not an expert of brain damage but am very aware of some of the problems that it causes.  Everyone has different problems as it depends very much of precisely which parts are damaged and the relationship between them.  The brain is a very delicate and complicated mechanism.

Damage to the front part of the brain for example can produce some very strange effects.  My husband is not really fully aware of just how much of a problem he has.  He can only understand about 10% of what is said to him but is adamant that is a fault in the speaker rather than the damage to his own brain.  He often upsets me but does not mean to do so.  He has lost the ability to filter out his speech and keep some thoughts to himself.  He is lost the ability to read and write so does not post on forums but I have every confidence that if he did there would be issues with it.  Yet he has lost little of a very keen intelligence.  He had lost the ability to use and express it.

A4A is a wonderful site.  A great effort is make to welcome people, to reply to post and generally encourage and support each other. 

We are all individuals but some are more individual than others.  I would ask people to remember people who like my husband seem to march to a different beat and try to be a little more understanding.

Thank you for reading this.  Lecture over.  Let's get back to the vegetables. :-X

[rosebud]

 So sorry to hear about your husband Digeroo, my best wishes to you both.
Well said within your post, yes this is a very caring site & i expect sometimes we may get it wrong. I have in the past been cross with a certain  multie name person. I stopped replying to his post a very long time ago, maybe just maybe there is a problem.
Mary ;D=Rosebud.

[Squash64]

Before we get back to the vegetables......thank you for writing this.  

I have tears in my eyes after reading it.  

You are right, we do need to be more understanding of other people and their problems. 

[misfit]

sorry to hear about your troubles, sometimes things can get a bit much and you need somewhere just to escape to for a little while, enjoy your gardening, enjoy A4A above all enjoy your time together.

not too good at knowing what to say sometimes(as you can see)  :-\

keep your chin up, take care

[macmac]

Digeroo I understand what your saying people get  a broken leg - a wheelchair.I suffered a breakdown several years ago and while it is by no means as severe as your husbands problem I know that I'm not quite right.If i'd got a limp or a white stick(my respects to any people with sight problems )society would understand but anything "of the mind "is somehow not understood.I'm sorry you've "lost"a special part of your husband and I hope you continue to live and love...together :-*

[taurus]

Strokes run in the female side of this family.  My Mum said the most frustrating thing was, what you thought in your head didn't translate to what comes out of your mouth.  And writing something was the same.  She would start to write and it would end in a series of loops.  Understanding this made it much easier to cope when this got worse at the later stage of her life.  You have my deepest simperthy Digeroo but  be aware what he's says may not be what he's thinking.
 Hope this make sense. Kindest Regards Taurus

[grannyjanny]

Digeroo, thank goodness you have an escape from your troubles & as far as I am concerned no need for apologies.
Our son-in-law suffered severe brain damage following an assault 4 years ago. He suffered a massive bleed but was fortunate that it was in the brain & not on it. He nearly died several times but said he couldn't die as our youngest, his beloved wife was wittering in his ear. He was a brilliant builder & could turn his hand to all aspects of the trade. He had returned to work part time when last year ago he started with epilepsy. Our daughter is now the bread winner & also has health problems herself. Most of her holidays were taken up with hospital appointments for the first 3 years. He is over 6' tall & has to rely on a stick to help him as he has a rare condition brought on by the injury. His thigh muscles have become bones, I think the brain sends out mixed messages. It's a form of calcification & is very painful. He suffers panic attacks, goes for weeks where he can't sleep, can't go out on his own. He is very forgetful, I could go on. What I will say is we are VERY proud of our daughter. She looks after him & is protective of him but not overly. To be hit with this after only18 months of marriage & at the age of 26 I think she is amazing.

[lushy86]

Dig & Granny, so sorry for your family health troubles.  I found your piece very moving dig, I work with people with a wide range of disabilities, many of them with learning difficulties, behaviour and mental health problems.  I know from first hand experience that people can be very cruel and ignorant when it comes to the 'invisible' disabilities.  I find that my students often teach me as much if not more than I can teach them and am inspired on a daily basis.  Hugs

Lushy x

[daxzen]

i am so lucky to part of this community

i am privileged to share your example and by illuminating my life with insights from yours makes me realise how frail all of this is.

you are so authentic and by your example of how you and your are dealing with the reality of your lives has recharged me

it spurs me on and i am determined to take every day as a new day and to squeeze every bit of enjoyment out of it

thank you so much

dax

[cleo]

Have a cyber hug from me.  The carer also needs one now and again

[Paulines7]

Digeroo, I am so sorry to read about the problems you and your husband are having following his stroke. 

I hope we can all be a little bit more understanding having read your post.

[Digeroo]

Many thanks for all your encouraging messages.  The purpose of my post was because I feel that we are not always as understanding towards others as we could be.

This site has been a great help all round to me.

Also I hope everyone will remember to keep their blood pressure checked and under control.