Topic: Machiavellian Gardening Method

[Zoglet]

any ideas?

;)

[Bill Door]

Yep.  To get it dug issue treasure maps all over the city/town/village.  This will not work in a hamlet as they will all know you are a skiving B*****d anyway.

To get the plants issue out a notice all over the City/town/Village that some idiot has flagrantly been on your plot and dug out all the plants you previously planted.  They must have found an old treasure map and you failed to have a closing date on the treasure map. 

Ask if anyone can spare any plants to get at least some produce from the garden in this year.  This will not work in  Hamlet because they already know you are a skiving b*****d. 

It might not work in a village because everyone will know that there was no one that did not turn out to find the treasure in the first place.  They might even know there was no treasure in the first place.

Next offer all the local horse stables an opportunity to store the manure that they take from the stables but only give them a 364 day rental period and tell them that they must take the manure away after that period.  Tell them they can do daily drops but they must be able to take their manure away at the end of the 364 day period.  This will not work in a city or town because no one will believe you have that much storage.  It will not work in a hamlet cos they already know you are a skiving B******d.

Of course you could tell the police you found some Semtex.  This will only work if the police don't know you are a skiving B*****d.

One could always dig the plot.

happy digging

Bill

[star]

OW my sides hurt..........that was brilliant Bill

[Zoglet]

:)

Excellent!

Anymore? :)

[Ishard]

hehehehe absolutely wonderful!  ;D :D

[Peapods]

Hilarious thread 

 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

[Robert_Brenchley]

If you've got lots of bits of metal in your plot - I have after a century and a half of cultivation - you could buy a few Constantine I bronzes on eBay for not very much, let it be known that they've all turned up on your plot, and invite the local detectorists to look it over in case there's a hoard buried there.

[redimp]

If you've got lots of bits of metal in your plot - I have after a century and a half of cultivation - you could buy a few Constantine I bronzes on eBay for not very much, let it be known that they've all turned up on your plot, and invite the local detectorists to look it over in case there's a hoard buried there.

NB - this trick will not work in the hamlet they call Scotland.

[sarah]

i have always been a great fan of norman stanley fletcher.  he of slade prison doing porridge.  a letter sent to his missus telling her not to allow a neighbour under any circumstances to dig the back yard , thus alerting the ever suspicious prison authorities to go and dig up the back yard themselves to see what he has buried there...which of course is nothing at all.its all just a rouse to get the police to dig the yard so his missis can plant her spuds. classic.  ;D

[Robert_Brenchley]

NB - this trick will not work in the hamlet they call Scotland.

Why not? Roman influence north of Hadrian's Wall was a great deal greater than people realise, a lot of it was actually under Roman control at one time or another, and while I haven't looked at hoard records for Scotland, I'd be very surprised indeed if they haven't turned up. If necessary, you could always make it a hoard of Robert Bruce coins, anyway.

[davyw1]

Last year a safe was found on one of the disused gardens near mine so went up to the police  van with two spades and told them i had murdered the wife and buried her in my allotment. "Sorry we have to go " said the officers.

[loopyloulou]

ive been finding bones across my plot.... i wander.... who knows what lurkes beneath... hello officer!!! hellooooooo!!!!!  ;D

[redimp]

NB - this trick will not work in the hamlet they call Scotland.

Why not? Roman influence north of Hadrian's Wall was a great deal greater than people realise, a lot of it was actually under Roman control at one time or another, and while I haven't looked at hoard records for Scotland, I'd be very surprised indeed if they haven't turned up. If necessary, you could always make it a hoard of Robert Bruce coins, anyway.

Aye, but not at the time of Constantine I.  And I acknowledge trade would have taken some coins North - but it was jsut a gag ;D

[Robert_Brenchley]

I know it was a gag. Constantine's father actually did campaign in Scotland, though it's not clear whether anything was going on under Constantine himself or his son.