Topic: feeling guilty

[ACE]

Sorry to lay this on you. I came upon an accident last night, it must have happen minutes before I arrived. Somebody was attending to the injured and another was directing traffic. I felt sick watching so I turned around and went another way just as the ambulance arrived.

I had a troubled night thinking I should have done something and this morning I found out a 17 year old biker was killed in the accident so I am feeling really guilty, but I could not watch the poor sod twitching in the road.

What could I have done? I don't know, but I feel I should have done something, this is going to haunt me for a long time.

I am a biker myself and have lost a lot of mates over the years, but I have never been this close to a fatal accident before and all their faces came flooding back into my memory thinking thats how it happened to them.

[Oldmanofthewoods]

Fellow ex-biker.  If there was someone tending to the poor chap, and others there directing traffic and the emergency services had been called; there is nothing for you to do.  The best thing to do is get away as to not form a crowd.

Let yerself off the hook chap, you did the right thing.  When the time comes for me to meet my ancestors I do not want anyone watching me die, I will crawl under a bush like an old badger.

Chin up comrade your bad thoughts won't help anyone.

Jack

[OliveOil]

If you felt like then then there was nothing you could do.. the ambulance was there and you would have been in the way.  Don't feel bad ACE, someone else was there doing their bit.

On a different note i once had a car accident - flipped my car over. more then 20 cars passed me with my head gushing with blood, baby in my arms and toddler next to - i was waving cars down and they just looked and drove passed - on a main A road too.  On that occassion, lots of people could have helped but didnt - just 2 people stopped after the first 20!

[Carol]

Think you did the right thing ACE, I am sure I would have done the same thing, folk were there attending the poor lad.  I have seen quite a few accidents in my time whilst driving south on the M90.  It doesnt half shake you up seeing injured folk being attended to at the side of a road with wreckage scattered all over. 
Its horrible really and makes you drive slower after seeing an incident.

OO  I am still suffering the affects of my accident last April.  I am very jumpy and hate when a car is coming out of a side road from the left, I still react as if I am going to be hit.  Not nice.

[Tulipa]

Hi Ace,

I was posting when A4A went down, to say you mustn't feel guilty, it sounds as though there was nothing you could have done to help, the lad was being looked after and the ambulance arrived so you couldn't help there, and the traffic was being directed, so it probably was right to turn around and find another route rather than clogging up the road.

It is so horrible coming across an accident like that, but you mustn't feel bad.  If you need to do something why not write to your conucil about a local accident blackspot and try and prevent another accident happening, turn around how you feel and make it positive.  I can't remember what else I said :(  I feel for you though as I would feel just the same.  Take care.

[sarah]

yeah, i agree with the others. its given you quite a shock and thats where the guilt is coming from. you have to ask yourself what you would have done if you had been the first on the scene.  i am sure in that situation you would have stopped and done your bit. but at the time you assessed the situation and made what was almost certainly the correct decision. you are only doubting youself now because of the shock. 
my husband was the first on the scene of a fatality some years ago and it has haunted him ever since even though there was nothing he could do for the guy. it shakes you up a lot.
incidently one of the first things my hubby did after his experience was to take a first aid course. a good idea for anybody i think.

[greyhound]

Ace, I had the same experience a few years back - again a fatal accident involving a motor bike.  I didn't feel the least bit guilty for moving on - I couldn't have added anything to what people were already doing.  It is a different matter if you are there when it happens, but I wasn't, and neither were you.

It is the ghouls who stop and film it all, and then send it to the local TV news that get me.  >:(

[Palustris]

Been there, done that, felt the same. Talked to a fireman friend about what I should/could have done. He said that I did exactly the correct thing. Getting out of the way of the emergency services is EXACTLY the correct thing to do/ The last thing they need is a huge traffic jam and a parcel of unqualified onlookers.

[SamLouise]

Ace, what you are feeling is perfectly natural but what others have told you is correct.  You must also account for panic and shock - feelings of human nature. 

Somebody was already trying to help him, somebody was already tackling the traffic and you saw the ambulance arrive as you turned away.  You are not at fault although again, it's human nature for you to feel this way after such a thing, ok? 

[cornykev]

As above Ace, I am a first aider and theres nothing worse than crowds getting in your way, someone was attending and another just as important was directing the traffic, get out harms way and let the emergency services through. Remember all the good memories of your mates when it comes flooding back.

[Jeannine]

Ace, this might sound like a funny thing to say, but the point that impressed me most is the part when you said you felt guilty for not doing something, sweetie you have to care about folks to feel like that, those feelings raise my respect level for you big time and that is the important thing here.

The feelings that make you want to do something are so lacking in people these days and you have them good and strong, bless your heart.

Moving on and letting the trained pros in to do their job was the right thing to do, in my opinion you did all right love, you cared,don't beat yourself up please, you have all the right things inside of you,just keep caring for folks and you are helping.

Be kind to you too.

With love Jeannine

[emmy1978]

It's the shock Ace, don't feel guilty. You know there were people there dealing with it and you would probably have been in the way if you had gone over. If there hadn't been anyone there I bet you'd have stopped.
 :-* :-* :-* :-*

[ACE]

Well I spoke to the police, mainly to eliminate my car from the inquiries, as they were asking for all vehicles in the area at the time to get in touch. Told them what I had done and how I was feeling awful at not staying at the scene and not helping, although I did stop every car back down the road and warned them.
The policeman thanked me for doing the right thing and not hampering the emergency vehicles, he also said a lot of people experience the same guilt feelings, and the shock of being so close to a bad accident is bound to affect me. He gave me a number to ring if it gets too bad.

Being a small island the story soon got about and it happened because two 20 year old girls going home overtook a slow car and hit him head on. What an awful thing, the two youngsters have too live with it the rests of their lives and a young boy is cut off before he had a chance to experience  all that there is to offer in life.

My thoughts go out to their families.

Thanks for all your words of wisdom and support, It's helped.

[shirlton]

I cannot say anymore than has already been said Ace. I would have done the same because I would be of no use to anyone under those circumstances. Peolple are trained to deal with these situations Ace. Even so they are very often affected by them. My daughter is a nurse and she lost a lady who she had been nursing for a while and although she has been used to seeing folks pass away she was really disturbed about this last one. Don't feel bad at all bab.xxx