Author Topic: Winning the smallest pumkin competition (Read 22920 times)

carolinej · « **Reply #60 on:** April 21, 2007, 07:16:41 »

Here it is folks. If ever you are concerned on the progress of my pumpkin, you can now check it out by returning to this post. By the way, the snail is a minature one from a charm bracelet, just for you to get the perspective right.

PUMPKINCAM 2007

Image updated every 30 seconds.

Robert_Brenchley · « **Reply #61 on:** April 21, 2007, 09:04:34 »

Would you really waste all that organic matter on the council?

carolinej · « **Reply #62 on:** April 21, 2007, 09:52:12 »

Until this year, I didnt have a lottie, so they ended up getting all my prunings. My 2 daleks couldnt cope.. Now I have 2 lotties, they arent getting any of it! I have 4 bins already, and am planning on getting another 4. Do you think that's a bit obsessive? ::)

cj :)

Jeannine · « **Reply #63 on:** April 21, 2007, 10:02:05 »

Robert, you have shocked me!!Waste...Waste... you are talking about my babies, shame on you , and you a minister too.

Caroline, I have given some thought to this subject and have already got my decision down to two choices. Of course you must remember that I am rearing my pumpkins with love and care ,not abuse, so my decision may be somewhate different to yours.

I have been seriously considering having them dehydrated the way one preserves flowers,but to do so I would have to bury them in silicate for some time or do it in the microwave. I doubt I would be able to do it personally so we were thinking of sending them to one of the companies that preserve bridal bouquets. They would then be returned under glass and framed.

The second option is to have them bronzed.This is my personal favourite as they would keep for ever , just like babies first shoes, however there is no company that does this in the UK and to send them to Texas alone is unthinkable. I would have to accompany them.This brings all sorts of problems like import permits into the US etc,and of course cost has to be considered. I would therefore have to find the cheapest way.

I think I will put a post on one of the US gardening forums to see if a true pumpkin lover would give me bed and board for perhaps a few seeds.I would also need to find a budget surgeon willing to extract them and you must have heard the rip off stories about surgery in America.

We have certainly taken on a big responsiblity here.

Going back to the US import permits I think I will just tuck them both in my bra and not say a word.I hope they don't have sniffer dogs. I know it is wrong to break the law but sometimes needs must.

I love your picture,the wee plant certainly looks small compared to the charm, however I just have one query. Would there not be a ring to attach it to a bracelet? Perhaps it is the camera angle,after all knowing how truthful you can be it has to be genuine.

XX Jeannine

carolinej · « **Reply #64 on:** April 21, 2007, 12:54:52 »

Oh Jeannine, that's great news that you cant see where the ring was attached. I spent ages filing it down.

Dont you think it would be a bit itchy to have pumpkin plants in your bra!?! Surely there must be a better way. I have heard that some people have been known to put illegal objects into condoms, swallow them and then wait for nature to take its course, so to speak. This is highly dangerous with some substances, but with pumpkin plants, I dont suppose it would be so much of a risk.

If customs stopped you, I suppose it would be difficult to explain why you had swallowed 2 pumkin plants. You may end up dealing with the mental health people.

Perhaps, all things considered, you would be better treating John to a home bronzing kit for christmas. That way, you would save money, presant for John and useful tool for yourself, all for 1 bargain price. Then, when he has mastered the technique, you could offer the service in this country. I'm sure people would be queueing up to use the service to bronze prize sunflowers (huge, so a tidy profit margin there if you charge by the square cm),huge leeks and even that particularly stubborn dandilion that has been fighting for years, but has finally given up and allowed itself to be pulled out , root and all.

Wishing a wonderful growth spurt for Jack and Jill.

cj :)

Jeannine · « **Reply #65 on:** April 22, 2007, 10:09:29 »

Good morning Caroline,

Well you prompted me to think about travelling my pumpkins and as there seemed to be sense in what you said I decided it might be better to have a dummy run and try the two ideas for illegally transporting pumpkins.

You were certainly right about the itching, having planted at the allotment all day yesterday with two pumpkins in my cleavage I would not suggest to anyone that they try it,it was irritating to say the least,the rash seems to have subsided somewhat this morning but I fear it will take a while to go away completely.The part on my face is being bit difficult to get under control however.I think bending over for so long made the pumpkin leaves catch my chin and nose which is still rather swollen and red, however the calamine lotion is making me feel more comfortable.

When I realised that was no use I decided to try the other method that you suggested before I went to bed last night.

Being a bit old for condoms personally that was a challenge in itself. I tried several bars to try to locate one but all the dispensers in the ladies loos were empty, finally in desperation I sneaked into the gents,I managed to get one in there but was caught on the way out. Obviously I could not give the real reason why I needed a condom so badly at 1am so I had to fib a bit. The police accepted my reason finally and let me go after I explained John was waiting rather impatiently at home and I was a strong believer in safe sex even in geriatrics. It took a bit of persuading though as I had felt obliged to purchase one drink in each of the bars I had visited so my speech was a little slurred. Fortunately they accepted the reason about my swollen face covered in pink stuff as no more than sunburn which I got while gardening in the sun.

I managed to get home ,let my long hair down, applied a little more calamine to my face and nose, slipped into my PJs and quickly tucked Jack and Jill into the condom,as they were so small it was easy. Swallowing the thing was not however,it took several goes, but I did manage it. Because I was tired and a wee bit tiddly of course I completely forgotten I have a severe latex allergy and immediately started to react to the the condom. I was very lucky that I managed to find my epipen and give myself the injection in my thigh while John called the ambulance. They were there very quickly and I got to the hospital in record time and all is well.

It was a wee bit embarrassing how ever as I bumped into the same police officers at emergency that almost arrested me in the pub for loitering, they were interested at first as I was still clutching the syringe.After vomiting back the kids the hospital staff, police, and ambulance drivers put there heads together and decided I was off my head rather than dangerous and finally let me go after I agreed to some suggestions.

So, I am back to square one for transportation and am seriously considering the bronzing kit option now.

Thank you again for the idea, I know you advised me as a true friend, must rush and get dressed as the mental health nurse is coming in half an hour.

XX Jeannine

PS I forgot, the extra heat generated by by being in my cleavage all day etc does seem to have promped a bit of quick growth so they are spending the day in the fridge to compensate.

carolinej · « **Reply #66 on:** April 24, 2007, 07:27:28 »

Well, Jeannine, you truly are a devoted pumpkin grower to go through all that and still be smiling (even if the smile is still a little lopsided from the rash!)

I just wanted you all to be aware of a notice I saw in my local garden centre this morning. It went like this.

CUSTOMER NOTICE!

WE HAVE RECENTLY BEEN OVERWHELMED WITH THE DEMAND FOR TINY PUMPKIN GROWING KITS. THIS SEEMS TO BE A NATIONWIDE PROBLEM. PLEASE NOTE THAT WE DONT SELL THEM, IN FACT WE HAVE NEVER SOLD THEM. PLEASE COULD YOU REFRAIN FROM ASKING THE STAFF IF WE HAVE THEM IN STOCK, AS IT HAS BECOME SO BAD NOW THAT THEY DONT HAVE TIME TO WATER THE PLANTS DUE TO ALL THE ENQUIRIES. I DONT WISH TO LOSE ALL MY CURRENT PLANTS DUE TO LACK OF CARE, SO PLEASE BE UNDERSTANDING IN THIS MATTER.

HOWEVER, I AM LOOKING IN TO GETTING SUPPLIES OF THESE NEXT YEAR. THEY WILL RETAIL AT£1.99. THIS WILL INCLUDE SEED, COMPOST, POT AND 'NO GROW' FERTILISER, ALL IN A HANDY REUSABLE GARDEN THEMED EGG CUP.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR CO OPERATION IN THIS MATTER.

THE MANAGEMENT.

Just goes to show how many people are getting serious about our little A4A competition!

cj :)

Jeannine · « **Reply #67 on:** April 24, 2007, 20:10:34 »

Wow, Caroline, thst is good and bad news. I think after the hard work we have put in it seems a bit sad that there are companies out there prepared to buy from nobodies. I think we should keep a very strict journal of our findings as there are bound to be ruthless folks who will sell them with insufficient growing info. I can see them on e bay now, with their But it Now prices.

With this in mind I have today printed off the pages of info we have so far published ,there are 19 by the way if you do it. John is setting up his camera to take pictures of my face and my cleavage before the redness and swelling go away, I will publish them on here as soon as I can . I would dearly love to add one of the condom swallowing but better not risk that. I can use the Mila balloons that take helium but they are quite big and I don't think I could manage that. Could you perhaps have a go , it was your idea after all, we only need 1 picture. I think I still have one with Santa on.

Jack and Jill are out of the fridge again, Jack is fine as usual, Jill is looking very abused,we have had to move her pot away from the phone as we are a bit afraid she may call an abuse hotline.

We found out today thet the kids relative Wee Be Little are not coming from the US as originally planned , but we did get a small Sugar Pie.

Please give some thought to swallowing Santa, the picture will liven up the forum as his feet would go down last.

I think I should perhaps not but my inflamed bosom on the forum either, I would't want to be moved to the Watershed.

Take care of yourself and the kids.

XX Jeannine

carolinej · « **Reply #68 on:** April 27, 2007, 23:00:04 »

Hello Jeannine

I dont think we need worry about these pumpkin kits. There is no way that they will be able to compete with the provenance of our pumpkin seed. After all, the winner of the A4A smallest pumpkin competition will have loads of publicity on this site. Everyone on here will read the post proclaiming the winner. The people looking for these kits must have been on here reading this, to have decided to try for small pumpkin production. So everyone will want seeds from that pumpkin, not some cheap imitation.

I have given swallowing Santa some thought. Although initially I thought I would do it in the interest of making the forum more visually interesting, I changed my mind . I try to eat organic whenever I can. Do you realise how many chemicals would be in Santa!!!!!??????!!!!!!! I couldnt risk losing all the benefits I have gained by living a healthy lifestyle, just to provide a picture for this forum, even though I know how important it is to you. Please respect my decision. I dont want to cause any offence. However, if you can come up with an organic Santa, or even Emu, teddy bear or Darth Vader head, I will certainly give it a go!

That is very bad news about the withdrawal of the offer of pics of your inflamed bosom. I know lots of people were looking forward to seeing the pics, just so they would be able to identify pumpkin rash, if ever they were at a horticultural show and someone suddenly developed the same symptoms.Perhaps yopu could start a new thread on the watershed? Perhaps you could just post a drawing?

I wouldnt worry about Jill calling an abuse hotline. It is a little known fact that pumpkins can't manage the keys on a phone, it's something to to with their genetic make up. Just make sure she doesnt trick you into ringing the number, and then shout 'Help!' down the line before you realise who it is and hang up!

Anyway, I have to go ignore my pumpkins for a while.

Happy growing

cj :)

Jeannine · « **Reply #69 on:** April 30, 2007, 00:23:04 »

Well there is something beginning to happen to my plants, they have gone from just your basic green to buds now . Jill is a little behind Jack, so she is not thinking of blooming yet, but Jack looks like something is stirring. This ridiculous weather is bringing them on too fast and I am getting quite concerned, I don't want Jack to be an over developed teenager too soon but it seems to be happening. Kids come on so fast these days don't you think. but early puberty in baby pumpkins is something I was not prepared for.

Do you think he will get acne or worse still do you think his temperament might change overnight and |I might wake up to find a miniature killer pumpkin. I have heard it can happen with boys.

Then there is Jill, I wouldn't sleep nights of it happened to her, she is developing very quickly in all the right places and soon will be making heads turn. It is such a responsibility Caroline. I guess everyone thinks that as they approach this special age but their hormones are going crazy. I saw Jill looking very oddly at my lipstick the other day too.

I am wondering wether I should put a lock on the greenhouse door or wether to just give in to nature and teach them the facts of life as I give them each a mobile phone.

Perhaps I can wait a wee while, after all they are just starting to develop and I might have a bit of time. I am just not ready for them to start pollinating yet, they are still babies after all.

How are your little ones doing, I hope that sweet Welsh air in their lungs is giving them lots of nutrition.

I would as usual appreciate you opinion

XX Jeannine

carolinej · « **Reply #70 on:** May 05, 2007, 23:17:54 »

Jeannine,

I understand your worries about the advancing maturity of your pumpkins. Unfortunately, pumpkins seem to hit puberty so much earlier nowadays than they did even 20 years ago.

This can be a real strain for the pumpkin grower. Even very experienced growers are finding theselves outpaced by the rate of maturity in these vegetables.

I think that a lot of people, fooled by the apparent physical maturity, fail to realise that emotionally they are still mere babes. These pumpkins are finding it difficult to handle the freedom they are given, much too early in my opinion, just because they 'look mature enough to handle it'.

Only yesterday, I heard of a case of pumpkins forming a gang at our local lottie. They were being intimidating to all the other veg. On the lottie concerned, the broad beans still hadnt poked their heads out of the soil, as they were too frightened. The purple dragon carrots were being verbally abused, and I wont even tell you what they said to the leeks!

I have no intention of letting my pumpkins get involved in this sort of rabble rousing. Oh no! They are firmly under lock and key in the greenhouse, and will not be allowed out into the big wide lottie till I know they are capable of controling themselves, and acting responsibly within their peer group of other veg.

At the end of the day, if we allow our pumpkins to go out into the world too early, they will get bruised and battered and will never ripen properly. If we want them to survive well into old age,they must be kept as unblemished as possible.

Lets launch a drive for pure pumpkins! Together we can stem this rot! We can lead the world in responsible veg rearing! United, we can CHANGE THE WORLD!!!!!!

Ooops, sorry, got a bit carried away there :-[ :-[ :-[

cj :)

carolinej · « **Reply #71 on:** May 10, 2007, 15:50:45 »

Well, the weather has taken an awful turn for the worse. Here in Wales, I think it is a bit too chilly for pumpkins now. You all know how much I like to look after my pumpkin ::) I have no room to bring mine back into the greenhouse, so I have come up with a solution.

What do you think?

Now that's one cosy pumpkin!

cj :)

Hyacinth · « **Reply #72 on:** May 10, 2007, 16:02:04 »

...and which football team, exactly, does Little Pumkin support?

......or are you (shock horror) growing the little love to be abused by Large Men with Huge Thighs on a Saturday afternoon?

I think the Pumkin Support Agency should be told... ::)

carolinej · « **Reply #73 on:** May 10, 2007, 16:10:32 »

Alishka,

I always try to encourage a healthy interest in sport. Here in Wales, rugby can become more of a way of life for the true enthusiast.

Unfortunately, this young pumpkin is showing no interest in sport whatsoever. He refused to wear the scarf at all till I told him that it was the same as the one Alan Tichmarsh used to wear on TV during blustery weather ::). Apparently he doesnt want to be associated with any form of mindless competition which damages the body without enriching the intellect :o Trust me to get the clever dick!!!

cj :)

Hyacinth · « **Reply #74 on:** May 10, 2007, 17:01:10 »

Caroline, I refer you back to your previous post, above, 05/05 ::)

Please, please do not be fooled by the easy words spoken to you by Little Pumkin....yes! they may in fact be true and one day he may indeed become the President of Pumkinini.....on the other hand he may in fact be trying to pull the wool of that splendid lovingly knitted scarf over his adoptive Mum's eyes....usually, if it sounds too good to be true, it usually is (sigh) :o

I recommend strict vigilance on your part.

katynewbie · « **Reply #75 on:** May 10, 2007, 17:18:49 »

>:(

I am with Lish on this one. Perhaps it was a bit rash (pun intended) to put red and white on the little mite. Maybe a new scarf could be knitted with some neutral colour? Not many teams have beige...

;)

carolinej · « **Reply #76 on:** May 10, 2007, 17:45:21 »

I see your point. Thanks for the concern.

Maybe I could knit a multi coloured one, with stripes of beige, magnolia, cream, ivory and off white.

I admit I have been fooled by my pumpkins apparent intellectual maturity. I can now see it was just a smoke screen for the plans he has when I allow him out without any additional heat and light from me.

Pumpkin rearing is SUCH a responsibility :-\

cj :)

Jeannine · « **Reply #77 on:** May 10, 2007, 19:18:44 »

You just leave that scarf right where it is, I now know that your pumkins are on my side. That is the colours of Hull Kingston Rovers Rugby team. I have enough trouble at school as I am on the wrong side to almost all the kids.

I have not answered your previous letter yet Caroline as I waiting for a reply to an email sent to a pumpkin phychiatrist in Montreal, he has sent me a brief reply indicating that a more comprehensive one will be following.

In the first message he said, " I am currently in the field and unable to reply in depth , but in the meantime I implore you to hug your pumpkins on a daily basis or they will get a hang up about food and use it as a comfort,therefore you will end up with obese tinies."

I share this with you as I know you are using the ignore tactics with yours.

I will get back to you when Dr.Squashpot answers me again.

XX Jeannine

Tell your little lad he has good taste.

UP the ROBINS XXX

carolinej · « **Reply #78 on:** May 10, 2007, 20:59:21 »

Thanks for the advice Jeannine. Maybe I should be ignoring my Atlantic Giant pumpkins then, as it would be great if they ate for comfort. With them , I am going for BIG BIG BIG!

I think I have heard of Professor Squashpot. Wasnt he the one who did a program with that Sir Winstone man, all about the bonds between a man and his pumpkin, which can endure for years after the pumpkin has been composted. There was one particularly sad case, where the pumpkin had been composted, but the owner refused to leave the compost heap. He eventually pined to death. The family were fighting in the European Court of Human Rights, to enable his body to be put on the compost heap with his pumpkin. It was written in his will, but the allotment association were arguing that people could be offended by that. I think I can see their point, but it was very sad.

I didnt realise he was a personal friend of yours. You are very lucky. I have friends who are doctors, nurses, even vetinary nurses, but no pumpkin psychiatrists. That must be sooo useful, especially with your passion for pumpkins ( which, alone, must provide him with loads of material!)

I have recieved hundreds of PMs asking me where I bought the pumpkin scarf. It has made me think, and I may start a range of pumpkin clothing, called Pumpernickel. The possibillities are endless. If anyone has any suggestions for clothing, please feel free to post them here. No idea too whacky. I will try to get access to a good sewing factory, and could be in production by the summer.

I'm off now to do some fashion designing for my pumpkins.

cj :)

Hyacinth · « **Reply #79 on:** May 12, 2007, 12:18:08 »

Urgent and Highly Confidential PM FAO CJ

Dear Caroline, I hope that you don't mind me contacting you like this. I was most alarmed by the following in your last post on Lotties4, re: a designer clothing range for Baby Pumkins where you wrote:-

have recieved hundreds of PMs asking me where I bought the pumpkin scarf. It has made me think, and I may start a range of pumpkin clothing, called Pumpernickel. The possibillities are endless. If anyone has any suggestions for clothing, please feel free to post them here. No idea too whacky. I will try to get access to a good sewing factory, and could be in production by the summer.

Were the PMs, by any chance, coming from posters in SE Asia and if so are they asking for your Lil Pumkins to make an all-expenses paid trip over to them so that they can get the sizing scale right for their 'good' ie cheap sweatshop sewing factories? This is a well-known ploy by the unscrupulous manufacturers of such 'delicacies'(ugh!) as Chargrilled Asian Pumkin Salad; Thai Pumkin Soup; Green Curry Pumkin; Pumkin Shrimp Gyoza with Roast Red Chili Sauce, and of course, the ultimate delicacy......Kadu Bouranee (Sweet Pumkin), made from our own kidnapped Babes, reputed to have the sweetest and most tender flesh...

Please, please, I beg you, check your PMs carefully and ask Interpol to verify their source.....they have a little-known but dedicated Pumkin Rescue Team based in Hereford and I believe (but please check with Jeannine) that Prof. Squashpot has helped them enormously in the past with suspect profiling. As an aside, and this is Highly Confidential indeed, 'Prof. Squashpot' is not his real name, of course, but his codename in Interpol - for obvious reasons.

btw. Any suggestions for making Jackets for Pumkins must also be suspect....remember what happens to Potatoes :(

Kind regards,

Lishka

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Author Topic: Winning the smallest pumkin competition (Read 22920 times)