Topic: *sigh*

[wahaj]

Any of you ever over indulge on gardening? way more than you should?

My story is that I've been off work for the past......13 weeks. Ill for depression. I mean i don't think i'm depressed but it's the only thing the doctor could think of to put my sick note. i go back to work on monday because i can't afford to be off any longer to be honest.

My partener isn't working either...and hasn't done since january because it's pretty difficult to find a job in this area right now for some reason. there's just bugger all around.

Gardening is something i started a couple of week before taking my sick leave....and it's really made me feel there's something i can do. i just feel so helpless sometimes....and the viscious circle of life can get a bit too much. so i took on gardening because i've always loved it......but it costs so much money.

i can't even beging to think how much i've spent on it since i began...probably in the hundreds. i mean i've never gone out and bought loads of stuff....just....it all adds up doesn't it....a packet of seeds here....a cheap plant there....a pot that's reduced.

i went to a garden centre today even though we've got practically no money. i was just feeling really crappy....and i knwo i've got to face going back to work on monday....so i keep telling myself that if i can go out and enjoy myself walking around plants for a while then everything will be alright. but.....to be honest it never works out like that. i've just spoken to my partener and it's got to stop really. i basically spent £20 on a trip to the garden centre....that's transport...what i spent there.....snacks for both of us to eat.

i just feel really down...i don't like to talk my partener about it cos he's been in a state for the past few months and he's got a lot of crap going on aswell.

i dunno.....i guess i just wanted to say it out load....or...well...write it....so that i.....dunno.

anyway....i've just gotta stop now...and not buy anything...till....we have some money.

sorry bout the rant....thanks for readin...

[calendula]

that's ok - sounds like someone in need of something  :)

no matter how difficult the day has been you can always begin again tomorrow  :)

[bunjies]

oh honey, you poor thing have a hug (((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
i was signed off the beginning of the year they wrote stress on my sicknote but talked about depression. i know how it feels to be how you are right now and its not fun, but do remember its not forever either and you can get through it!
if ever you want a chat, please feel free to email me! i cant make it all go away but i have a very good ear that doesnt get bored of listening ;)
it is a long hard climb out of the hole that is depression, but believe me the view from the top is outstanding and well worth the tears it took to get there.
please do get in touch if you would find it helpful, it is a genuine offer so dont think you would be being rude etc!
(not assuming you would but when i had offers of similar i felt i couldnt possibly waste their time with my problems ::))

ps; getting some councelling was one of the very best decisions i have ever made in my life!

[Robert_Brenchley]

I've been there as well; it's horribly hard to get out of it. But you get there, in the end. Don't give up!

[tabbycat]

I've been there too after the births of both my girls. Too be honest, I never overcame the first bout of PND before I was pregnant for the second time. The last 3 & 1/2 years have been really tough.

I saw a homeopath about my depression, but I know that to do this costs money. Have you tried taking St John's Wort? It works with me, but you have to check with your GP first in case it reacts with anything else you may be taking. I've also recently tried subliminal Cd's. It sounds weird & I had my doubts until I went to see Derrin Brown. He showed a 30 second subliminal film and said that it would compel 4 audience members to get up on stage. It did!

I thought, well if it can do that in 30 seconds, I'll give this a go. I read about a company that supplies them & got one called "Positive Parenting" and I can honestly say it has totally changed the way I feel about my children. I now have a proper, loving relationship with them. They do a CD called "Up from Depression". They are not very expensive. PM me if you'd like the details.

I sympathise on the money issue. We are recovering from having an extension to the house and I'm getting grief about just how much money my lottie seems to swallow up. It's also really hard to met my friends for coffee knowing that they will want to shop afterwards. I don't want to go home and miss the fun but it's SOOO hard to NOT buy stuff! I only take out enough cash to by a coffee now - if i leave my purse at home I can't spend. I know that in a year we will be more stable financially but it's still difficult!

 

ps; getting some councelling was one of the very best decisions i have ever made in my life!

I totally agree with bunjies. My OH & I ended up going to Relate because my depression was driving us apart and neither of us wanted that happen. I got counselling by myself first, and then we went as a couple. It's really helped us.

Hang in there and remember your friends on A4A are always here if you need a chat.  :)

[MrsKP]

Hugs from me too wahaj and I wholehearted support counselling and have been lucky enough to see two people I really clicked with (one in London and one up here).  I'm also fortunate that I'm someone that can tell my innermost troubles to anyone that happens to be standing at the bus stop.   :P

Prior to the second lot of counselling I ended up on anti-depressants which were the most depressing 9 months of my life and the withdrawal symptoms were just cack !

I think a lot of the problem is that you think you're alone and that no-one understands.  Couldn't be further from the truth, there's thousands just like you out there and anyone with any history will understand what you're going through.


I still have dark days, but then usually something else pops up worse off than me (i.e. you) to remind me how far I've come.

Keep your chin up love and stick me on your pm list if you need.

[Robert_Brenchley]

I took myself off antidepressants after a week, partly because they made me feel terrible, and partly because I used to work in mental health, and knew exactly what they do to you.

[keef]

Gardening is something i started a couple of week before taking my sick leave....and it's really made me feel there's something i can do. i just feel so helpless sometimes....and the viscious circle of life can get a bit too much. so i took on gardening because i've always loved it......but it costs so much money.

i can't even beging to think how much i've spent on it since i began...probably in the hundreds. i mean i've never gone out and bought loads of stuff....just....it all adds up doesn't it....a packet of seeds here....a cheap plant there....a pot that's reduced.

All you need is a bit of dirt, a spade for digging, a hoe for weeding, a rake for making beds, and some seeds - which can all be bought from Lidl's, Wilko's, Aldi's for probably not much more than 20 quid...

[bennettsleg]

All you need is a bit of dirt, a spade for digging, a hoe for weeding, a rake for making beds, and some seeds - which can all be bought from Lidl's, Wilko's, Aldi's for probably not much more than 20 quid...

And recycle bits & peices from the house that would be thrown away and use them for seed trays, pots, watering holes etc.  Save seeds from this year, take cuttings, swop stuff etc. My Aunt "Borrows from nature"... no comment!

Wahaj - got your PM, will respond in due course.  Chasing my workload at the mo'!
 :) :) :)

[wahaj]

All you need is a bit of dirt, a spade for digging, a hoe for weeding, a rake for making beds, and some seeds - which can all be bought from Lidl's, Wilko's, Aldi's for probably not much more than 20 quid...

And recycle bits & peices from the house that would be thrown away and use them for seed trays, pots, watering holes etc.  Save seeds from this year, take cuttings, swop stuff etc. My Aunt "Borrows from nature"... no comment!

Wahaj - got your PM, will respond in due course.  Chasing my workload at the mo'!
 :) :) :)

lol....don't worry sweety.

and thanks for all the support guys. much appreciated :)

[MrsKP]

Just to make you feel even better (group psychology at work here), I've managed to wangle an extra day off tomorrow, so I put off the evil return to work until Wednesday at the earliest.

See, I knew you'd feel better for that.

 ;D

[greyhound]

Have you thought about a change of career - something connected with gardening, maybe garden design or something like that?

[Marymary]

Hope the first day back at work went well.  When we have people who have been off for a long time we offer a 'supported return' a few weeks part time to get back into the swing of it - maybe your employer offers. something similar?  Anyway good luck.  :)

[saddad]

I've been ill on and off for three years...got down to 50% at the low point.. chasing a diagnosis which is really crappy because without one you just know some people think you are skiving. Cost me my promoted post I had worked ten years to get. On the up again now so hang on in there Wahaj it isn't forever....

[tabbycat]

I took myself off antidepressants after a week, partly because they made me feel terrible, and partly because I used to work in mental health, and knew exactly what they do to you.

I took them for 2 months when my eldest daughter was 6 months. I stopped taking them when I realised that although I wasn't depressed anymore, I no longer had any emotions. I really didn't care about anything, even my baby. It was like being in a glass box - I could see the world happening around me, but I didn't feel connected to it.

It was a immensely scary experience & it made me focus on solving the reasons for my depression and not just rely on removing the symptoms.

[angle shades]

keep going with the gardening wahaj,it will do you the world of good. When I got fed up of targets, targets,targets at my place of work,change of managers every five minutes, I asked to go part time,and went back to college part time and took horticulture courses, and I'm loads happier, I know not everyone is in the position to do this, but I do believe gardening is great therapy and better than taking pills. take care /shades x

[Emagggie]

Hope today was a better day,Wahaj. Don't forget there are people out there who will listen 24/7. You can email, phone or visit (set hours for visits)
08457 90 90 90. Anything is worth a go when you feel so down,and as Bunjies says it really does help to talk. Big hug from me too.

[supersprout]

keep going with the gardening wahaj,it will do you the world of good. I do believe gardening is great therapy and better than taking pills.

just repeating all the good words here ((((wahaj))) keep going with the gardening :-*
whenever I feel low or wobbly, this helps me get back on track - it's pinned to our noticeboard :)

To laugh often and much;
to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded!

[greyhound]

To laugh often and much;

You have a great sense of humour, wahaj, and you've given us a few laughs - keef and I particularly enjoyed the speed post ...

[plimsoll plot2]

mate i have also been there its not easy but the best thing i found is when am feeling down or had a nasty bad day at work which am very lucky not to have had to much as i love my job and i work with a lovely group of people, its like my second family.

i find going to my plot even if i just sit down there or just potter about really helps,its like stepping back from the busy world and looking into it and feeling how lucky i am to have a place i can go and take stock.

am not the luckest person in the world dont get me wrong, i have had some very low times were i couldnt see a way out but i think back to the saying "the only way is up". ;)

as for spending a load of money on you plot theres no need have a look around theres aways something out there in skips or what you see people throwing away.

down on are lottie we all share are ideas and plants if we have any to offer and when i hurt my foot i found it hard to dig so people came over from there plots to help me and it put a smile back on my face knowing that when your having a hard time that there is ALWAYS someone to help.

i offered everyone plants i grew from seeds as a thankyou. which didnt cost the earth as they were reduced seeds i brought from wilko's 10p a packet i try to get seeds back from each plant i grow.

well i hope i helped a little :D