Topic: is a new kitten a good idea?

[tabbycat]

I need some advice please, from all you other cat people out there. Let me give you the "cat" background first - stick with me on this long and rambling tale!

We used to have two cats, a boy (Jack) and a girl (Daisy). They weren't related but were the same age. We'd had them both since they were about ten weeks old.

Jack, who was half Thai Korat, half moggy used to rule the roost, and Daisy who's a rescue kitten from a feral mother put up with it.

We lost Jack about 18 months ago - he went missing for a week. A lady found his body (he'd been hit by a car) & took him to the vets, who identified him from his microchip. I was devastated that he'd died but SO glad that I knew what had happened. I'd visions of him shut in somewhere or stolen.

Since his death, Daisy has really come out of her shell. She's very shouty & assertive now. Previously she was a quiet little soul. She's never been good with people as she wasn't socialised as a kitten. She lives to be with me and is a one woman cat. She's never had kittens and is spayed but every so often she starts carrying round my husbands dirty socks and crooning to them like they were her babies. She hides them behind the sofa and them moves them if she thinks you've discovered them.

The long and the short of all of this is, my two girls would like another kitten.

Is this a good idea?
Will it upset Daisy and make her go back into her shell?
Should I get a boy or a girl?

Any advice welcomed.

Tabbycat

[Merlins Mum]

Goodness tabbycat, it's very difficult to say as it so depends on your cat.  You don't say how old she is either.
I know there will be some who will say she'll be fine but I have to say in my own experience I have always found that when I have brought a second cat into the family my existing cat has changed.   One started to stay out more, a second became a bully to the second cat.  But they were adult cats that I introduced and not kittens.  I would think that a kitten would be easier but you must make sure that Daisy doesn't feel pushed aside, which can happenwhen there is a kitten around  :)

MM

[tabbycat]

Daisy is 7

It's a really hard decision to make. The girls are missing out on having a loving, sociable cat as Daisy only acknowledges my existance, but I've worked so hard all these years to gain her trust & affection, I'm worried about making her unhappy.  :-\

She was very interested in next-door's kittens, but when they responded to her calls, she walloped them round the ears - I think she was establishing that she was boss!

Tabbycat

[grotbag]

hi tabbycat,ive got 2 female cats ,1 of which has kittens of 9 wks,we have also just bought a new kitten of 13 wks,my 2 females never got on with new kit until the second week.There was lots of hissing and such like,but now they are ok with each other.So long as you are prepared to patient I think all will be ok.

[tabbycat]

I've seen the photo's of your kittens. They're lovely. I love the silver tabby. Daisy's a tabby too. I have a soft spot for them. Inevitable really, being called Tabitha!

Can't have a new one if we go ahead with it until we've been on holiday in August. Don't think Daisy would ever forgive me if I left her at the cattery for a week shut in with a new arrival!

Tabbycat

[tabbycat]

Thanks Merlins Mum & Grotbag for your advice.  :)

Have made the decision - am going to try and find a kitten at the end of August. (OH is strangely quiet on the subject) ;D

So if around that time, anyone knows of any kittens looking for a good home, please give me a shout!

Tabbycat x

[Common_Clay]

Sorry tabbycat to put a dampener on things but I just wanted to say from my experience, introducing a kitten into a home with an adult cat hasn't been positive for the first cat. We thought, after he lost his sister in a car accident, that he might welcome a new friend (and my sister and I were children at the time, you can guess the rest, lol) but he didn't take to the female kitten we brought home. So much so, he moved out. He comes home now for meals every so often and vet's bills and his personality has changed so much. He has always been very much a people cat (still is) and will follow you virtually anywhere. Outside the house he is his usual, charming self and wants affection, but as soon as he steps inside the house he is like a completely different cat. He can eat and growl at the same time, just amazing. There have been times when I have felt very intimidated by him, which sounds ridiculous, but isn't.

  The kitten, who is now 14 (tomorrow!) is very much a home cat and very good company and I wouldn't change having her for the world, but I just wanted to share my experience as it can have unpredicted consequences.

  All the best in whatever you decide.  :)

[Obelixx]

I have  a 6yr old male cat who has "mothered" every kitten I have acquired to keep him company.  He's brilliant.  Unfortunately 2 have been run over and another died of mysterious illnesses.  The kitten I got for him about 30 months ago is still fine.  However she is insanely jealous of a kitten who was abandoned here 18 months ago and spent many months being very cross and murderous and depressed in turn.   She is only now emerging from this and still goes for him if she thinks she can get away with it.   

The new kitten has survived all this and is very loving an playful but spent many months wetting himself at the sight of her.  No 1 got to the point of whacking no 2 because he didn't approve of her naughtiness.  It's all settling down now and they get on fine - mostly - but it has been a long hard struggle at times.  However it's also worth being patient as no 2 is wonderful when in soppy mode and just loves fuss and grooming.

I would go ahead but make sure you don't make too much fuss of the kitten in the current one's presence till she is used to it.  Let the kids fuss over the kitten while she's around so she doesn't have her nose put out of joint and think you're deserting her.

[Hyacinth]

Now that Clay has posted a less-than-positive experience, I'd just like to say that when I did this (thinking that our cat would appreciate a little companion).....I was wrong, so wrong. Our cat didn't express any disapproval or be unkind.....he simply, and quietly, removed himself to the outhouse, except for food,  and went into a decline.  Dreadful. Nothing I could do could persuade him that he was still loved, still No.1 son. Still special. He too was a one-person cat.

Looking back at your post, Tabby, you write that yours has come out of her shell and is obviously enjoying her life more. And that you're thinking of taking another cat for the childrens' sake.

I'd ask....does it have to be another cat for the children?

Another pet, surely, but....

All the very very best in whatever you decide.

Lishka

[tabbycat]

[I'd ask....does it have to be another cat for the children?

Another pet, surely, but....

[/quote]

Lishka,

I'd love to get a dog, and the kids would love one (Daisy's ok with dogs oddly), but my husband grew up in a pet-free family and really doesn't like the idea. A couple of cats is all he'll agree to.

We thought about a rabbit or a guinea pig, both of which I had as a kid, but I know what will happen. They'll get all excited about them for a few weeks and then lose interest (sad but true) because they are outside pets.
Then it will be left to me to look after them which I wouldn't mind but I really don't want to get into that situation.

Now I don't know what to do!!!!

I have to say that in my heart, it's Daisy's happiness that comes first. I had her before my kids  ;D. They have other things in their life, but Daisy's whole life is me and her happy home.

Will think on this some more!

It's really good to have lots of people to talk to about stuff like this. My OH just doesn't understand. Not his fault - his Mum brainwashed him against animals.

Thank you all

Tabbycat x

[Shirley]

Just notice this thread and would like to offer my thoughts

You say that you would get a cat/kitten for the children.  But what if this new cat did not like being loved and cuddled, it was another aloof cat!  You could end up with two miserable cats and upset children.  I have had two cats spanning 25 years and various visiting cats - every one has their own personality.  There is nothing worse than knowing your animal is miserable and there is nothing you can do about it

[tabbycat]

Shirley,

You are right - what if it does turn out to be like Daisy. I'm just thinking along the lines of a "Jack" replacement, and haven't stopped to consider that I may get another loner. Every other cat I've ever had has always been very loveable and cuddly, But it would be just my luck for this one to turn out to be unsociable.

I have to say I'm not sure I could live with the guilt of making Daisy unhappy. (if my OH reads this, he will finally think I've gone bonkers!) ;D

Am holding fire on the kitten idea for now. Have said nothing either way to the girls so at least I don't have that to deal with!

Cheers,

Tabbycat

[bennettsleg]

I wish I read this sooner.

We have Havelock, an adult male (11yrs old) recycled from the shelter. Apart from the goldfish we was our only pet.  Downstairs have a cat, so do upstairs and all the neighbours around us.  Our garden is a thoroughfare for all of them.  He was obviously mistreated - possibly by a boot-wearing man - in his previous home.

He likes his cuddles on the sofa, likes women over men, likes gravy but not the meat.  He knows what he likes, essentially.  He also tends to tolerate the other cats even when they come into our flat (ground floor). We don't encourage this as it's his turf and our food budget. He's a wuss, which is one reason why we chose him.

We did some thinking and decided to get another cat.  This time a kitten so he would still rule the house.  Today is day three of Lemmy's life with us.

Day one Havelock hid under the bed and we kept him in all night.  Our thinking was to show him that he's still top cat and we would never want to replace him. He slept on the bed as usual. We are keeping the bed at night-time as his domain as is his habit.  Fuss and love met with a ridgid back and neck and it took some coaxing for a purr.

Day two he came out and was all growls, yowls, spitting and complaints. We allowed him in and out as normal.  He's still eating properly and was more relaxed, but not completely. He was in all night on our bed before heading underneath the bed when OH got up. He still wanted fuss and love but wouldn't settle.

Day three and it's still yowls & growls. We picked him up again (and have been doing so repeatedly as is normal for us) and he was still yowling (he's avery verbal cat, always has been) but he was also trembling. This is really worrying us as it's not in his nature.

I know it's early days and we're not forcing the issue but we can't help wondering if we completely misjudged him.  We know very little of his previous life so are only able to theorise situations. We are both of a view that if you take an animal in it's for life; they're not toys.

Our plan is to keep on keeping him in at night with sole domain of the bedroom but try to coax him out of his fug piece by piece.  We're very fond of Havelock and are so pleased that we chose him, but would hate to lose him - even emotionally - because we misjudged him and what may happen when introducing a new kitten.

P hasn't had a kitten for over 20 years and me for about 15 years. The theory is there but not the practice.

Sorry - long post.  Bit worried and emotional.

[katynewbie]

 :-\

Hmmm. Difficult one! I have two cats, both 11years old. Bud was 2 months old when Miniminx arrived, I left for work the first day (got her on a Sunday) and was certain I would come home to a dead kitten. Bud was at that leggy, adolescent thug stage and did not take kindly! Came home to find them both asleep at either end of the sofa. It worked for me because they were both young. When Minx went to be spayed and stayed at the vets overnight Bud was bereft!

Now they have been together for so long I dread to think what would become of them if one were to "go missing" for whatever reason. My partner has 3 cats, we live separately, partly because the cats would be a problem! Partners ginger tom would clash with Bud (ginger tom also) and heaven knows what would happen with the others!

To sum up...think it is a mistake to think you can replace a loved cat/dog/bird/etc with another one. They are all individuals, see stories above, and maybe it would be as well for the children to learn that animals have their own space too!

I wish you well with whatever you decide tabby, let us know what happens?

 ;)

[Merlins Mum]

hi again tabbycat
I just thought I'd mention that many years ago my dad had to cats, brother and sister.  When Sam got run over he thought it would be a good idea to get a kitten as he thought Di was lonely and missing her brother.  He was a ginger and white so he got a ginger and white kitten.  Di was not at all impressed and quite often beat him up and never really grew to like him much.  Poor little thing was befriended by my Dad's chow chow, they adored each other.
I do think your number one priority should be Daisy, you'd never forgive yourself if it all went terribly wrong and she went back into her shell, or worse still found another home.

MM

[tabbycat]

Hi everyone,

Have been away from you all for a while - on holiday and a poorly PC.

Have read all your stories and advice, and once again feel it's great to have somewhere like A4A to be able to talk to you all.

Bennettsleg, how is Haverlock getting on? hope that things are improving for him.

My big news is that I gave up completely on the kitten idea - was too worried about Daisy never forgiving me..... so we now have a puppy!!

She's called Ruby, she's a Pug, Shi Tzu cross and apart from a bit of spitting and complaining when she first arrived, Daisy is really OK about her.

She established the balance of power early on in the relationship by bashing Ruby round the face and yowling if she got too close, and now they have worked out their own way of dealing with each other.

Ruby knows that Daisy is to be left alone at all costs and Daisy knows that if she walks everywhere she's fine, but if she runs, Ruby can't resist trying to chase her, at which point we step in and hang on to Ruby while Daisy recovers her dignity. ;D

They have clearly defined areas in the house - Daisy = anywhere she pleases, Ruby = kitchen, hall, bottom step of stairs. Daisy is always fed first and is given time and space to make up her mind where she wants to go without the dog hassling her.

Ruby is lovely, very intelligent, quick on the uptake and is just curious about the cat really. All she wants to do is play.

On the whole, I'd say that it has been a really good decision. The competion that would have been there if a kitten had come into the household just doesn't exist as we treat them very differently. Ruby knows that in the pack order she is further down than Daisy and accepts it quite happily.

The girls are overjoyed to have a "touchy-feely", playful pet and even the OH has admitted that she's "quite nice really"

Tabbycat x

[Shirley]

That's really super TC and am pleased to hear that you have come to a happy conclusion with lots of fun and happy children. ;D