Topic: Very sad.

[Heldi]

On Saturday evening my Aunt died.  She had been battling with a brain tumour for about a year. My mum is distraught,Aunt was her little sister and now mum is the only one left. I had feeling about it that afternoon so we called in to mum's on the way home from Newcastle and sat with her. The phonecall came whilst we were there.Got some difficult days ahead. The funeral first, mum is worried about not being able to get to it. It is not a case of just winging down there because of her disabilities.Things have to be thought out.  I'm in the middle of trying to get my mum moved up to my town,she has had a rough time with the carers that are supposed to care for her and is totally sick of where she lives. I'm worried as hell as the only place that may be available soonest is a "studio" flat. It is a tremendous downsize for mum but we are hoping that the security and the independance will make up for that.

[Palustris]

It is very difficult, we are in a similar postion with my mother, but she cannot really move as her house has been so well converted for her use. (She is very disabled now). It is hard to know how best to proceed to help isn't it? Hope you can manage it.

[christine]

Heldi - much sympathy.

Regarding getting your mum to the funeral - when I was my mum's carer the Red Cross were wonderful.  They took her (and me) in one of their ambulances to and from places she couldn't otherwise get to, in return for a donation.  Lovely people.  Worth giving them a ring?

[Heldi]

Thanks Eric. I'm really concerned about the downsize,Mum says it is ok though. But what she says and what she does is another story. It has come to the point where I have to do something and hope it works out for the best. At the very least I'll be nearby and she can come and sit in my house if she feels inclined. She has a hankering to see my chickens though...I can see her trundling up the muddy road in her electric wheelchair and spending her days sitting in my lotty.  Actually I like that thought, I'll keep it in mind over these next few days.

[Heldi]

Thanks Christine. Didn't know that about the Red Cross.   The funeral will be down in East Grinstead whilst we are up in Northumberland.  I am hoping my brothers will do the correct thing and help out.

[Paulines7]

Heldi, I am sorry to hear about your Aunt.  That's a long trip for your Mum, from Northumberland to East Grinstead though to attend the funeral.  Will you be able to fly from Newcastle to Gatwick and then have another member of the family meet you there?  I know that there are also flights to Southampton and they may be a bit cheaper, for my daughter in law uses it with her children when she goes to the NE to see her family.  Airlines are generally very good with the disabled.  It's worth enquiring as the journey by road could be very uncomfortable for her.

[Lord Steve]

So sorry to hear that Heldi. I hope the arrangements work out ok. Thinking of you.

[Mimi]

I am so sorry for your loss Heldi.  Its such an awful thing for you and your family to go through.  I have to agree with Christine ... the Red Cross are marvellous and a great help to the disabled, (ma in law had transport from them to get her to and from hospital for clinic appointment when she had both knees replaced) Wonderful peeps.

[busy_lizzie]

So sorry to hear about your Aunt's death Heldi.  It must be very difficult for you at the moment, having to cope with the loss and also the worry about your Mum and her circumstances.  I feel for you! We had to make some quite hard decisions for my Mum when she was alive and is not always very straightforward. Hope you have people around who can support you. You are in my thoughts! busy_lizzie

[Heldi]

Thanks Pauline.

You are right about the long journey. Mum has flown to Gatwick before,it might have to be the option to take.Though she was stronger then and unfortunately Aunt used to pick her up. It is hard to explain the nature of her difficulties but one thing is she can't get into a car without virtually being lifted into it and lifted out again. Lots of other difficulties too so it has to be a major operation to get her there. I do think she should go to the funeral and I hope my brothers don't try to put her off. I think she needs to be with my Uncle for example. Someone who knew Aunt way back when they were all young.  Listen to me...working my case out before my brothers start to try and put her off.

[Heldi]

Steve,thanks mate, it is going to be tricky but I feel she should be there.

[Heldi]

Thanks Mimi.

 I think Christine has alerted me to something very useful indeed.

[Hyacinth]

I'm very sorry, Heldi. I'm sure that you're giving her all the support she needs at this time, and that the funeral arrangements go ahead smoothly.

Best regards,

Lishka

[Heldi]

Thankyou Busy.

I really feel for my mum right now.  Have to try to get her through this as best we can and then try to get her mind set into thinking about new beginnings.

[Mrs Ava]

Heldi, Mark and I are thinking of you and your family at this saddest of times.

With love,
Emma

[Heldi]

Thanks Lishka.

The support from you all is very welcome. Especially as I'm sitting here not knowing what to do or where to put myself. Spent yesterday at the lotty, made a big bonfire and stood contemplating stuff for ages.

Can't get in touch with brothers so am in the dark as to arrangements.

[Heldi]

Thanks Emma.

Means alot  x

[CotswoldLass]

Dear Heldi,

Can't think of anything to add to the suggestions - except to add my support and thoughts for you.

Take care and good luck,

CLx

[Moggle]

Heldi, don't really have anything useful, just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you. I hope you are able to get your mum to the funeral.

[Heldi]

Thanks CL. Thanks Moggle.