Our heroine is a married woman, and she is married to a perfectly pleasant young man with just one utterly dreadful habit; every morning on waking up he would break wind from his lower regions - resonantly and malodourously. For years she had tried to cure him of this habit; she had told him of the annoyance she felt every morning, how disgusting she thought it was, and (as a somewhat desperate but picturesque ploy) warned him that one day he would f*rt his guts out. All to no avail. His invariable reply was that he couldn`t help it; he was half asleep when it happened; and that, anyway, it was a perfectly natural thing for a chap to do after a couple of pints the night before.
One Sunday morning our heroine had risen early, leaving her beloved still lost in swinish slumber, as she wanted to get the lunch time chicken cleaned, prepared, and put in the oven before she settled down to the sunday papers. As she cleaned the chicken of all its messy bits she had a sudden inspiration, and picking up a plastic bag she swept into it the gizzard, the giblets, and all the other messy bits she had just removed from the carcase. Then, plastic bag in hand, she tiptoed up the stairs and into the bedroom, gently pulled back the duvet from her sleeping spouse, even more gently opened his pyjama trousers, and carefully emptied in the contents of the plastic bag. Then she carefully refastened his pyjamas, gently replaced the duvet, and quietly tiptoed back downstairs.
She was just putting the chicken in the oven when she hear the resonant trumpeting which betokened her beloved`s awakening, followed by a loud howl, and the thunder of feet along the landing and into the bathroom, and she smiled in satisfaction.
She had just started on the sunday newspaper when she heard her husband slowly descend the stairs. He came into the kitchen, very pale of countenance, and said "You know that you`ve kept telling me that one day I would f*rt my guts out? Well I think I just have.....
but I found a jar of vaseline in the bathroom and I think I`ve managed to get them all back in again!"
