The following is purely an imaginary tale, the characters are purely fictional, and any resemblance between those characters and any real persons, either living or dead, is purely co-incidental...........
The annual general meeting of the Lottie Holders was in turmoil. It had been going along quite quietly and peacefully (indeed, some of the older members had nodded off) until a chap at the back stood up and shouted that it was time they decided what to do about George and Saddam. Now although George was the Secretary of the committee he`d sent his apologies, claiming an urgent appointment elsewhere, and Saddam hadn`t been seen around lately, so the members were quite happy to discuss the trouble between them.
Nobody was quite sure when the trouble had really started, but the older members remembered that there had been bad blood between George`s father (when he was Secretary) and Saddam, when Saddam tried to pinch someone else`s allotment and George`s dad had to throw him off it. Ever since then there had been a lot of complaints about how Saddam managed his lottie -
he was known to use some pretty extreme methods of keeping it tidy, and there had been some pretty nasty rumours about dangerous chemicals being sprayed about indiscriminately. The trouble had finally come to a head when George had taken over his dad`s old lottie (which old Bill had got in a bit of a mess) and pushed his way in to becoming Secretary. He had immediately accused Saddam of possessing pesticides which were banned under Euro Directive 98/8, and when Saddam denied this George and Tony had carried out a dawn raid on Saddam`s lottie and searched his shed. Saddam had fled and George had taken over temporary possession of his lottie and was looking for Saddam everywhere, while Saddam kept nipping back after dark and pulling up everything George planted there. Nobody liked Saddam very much, and most of the lottie holders took George`s side, but a few, led by old Jacques and Gerhard thought that George should never have done it in the first place and he ought to give Saddam his lottie back and apologise. As a result there was quite a bit of unpleasantness between the two sides which wasruining the once friendly atmosphere between the lottie holders, and it was now time to try and do something about it and stop the squabbling.
After much discussion it was decided that the Chairman of the committee should go and see both George and Saddam separately to find out whether they could finally settle their differences. After much to-ing and fro-ing they finally agreed that each should nominate a champion, but nothing would satisfy the parties other than that the two champions would then fight to the death. The committee felt that this might be illegal so it was agreed that the two champions should be dogs, that the owner of the winning dog should then be declared the victor, and that the loser should then clear off for good so that the rest of the lotties could live in peace again. The encounter was to take place in 12 months time when both parties had found and trained their champions.
It soon became known that Saddam had acquired a selection of Rotweillers, Pit Bull Terriers and Rhodesian Ridgebacks, and was crossbreeding them in order to produce the fiercest dog he could. George kept quiet about what he was up to, and nobody was able to find out.
When the great day arrived, all the lotties assembled behind George`s big shed, where they couldn`t be seen from the road, and where a ring had been fenced with chicken wire for the actual contest. Sadam arrived with a huge animal, It was almost as tall as a man, and was penned into a cage with steel bars 3 inches thick, and was so fierce that nobody dared approach it. Then
George appeared with a long low cage containing a 9 foot long dachschund. The local bookie (who was also a lottie holder) immediately quoted 10 to 1 on for Saddam and 10 to 1 against for George, and Jacques and Gerhard rushed to get their money on Saddam`s dog. The cages were pushed into position at opposite sides of the ring, and the dachschund wagged its tail, while Saddam`s dog arched its back and growled fiercely. The bookie upped the odds to 100 to 1 on for Saddam and 100 to 1 against for George; Jacques and Gerhard put the rest of their money on Saddam`s dog, while George`s supporters put their shirts on George`s dog.
Finally the gates were opened. The dachschund ambled amiably across the ring towards its opponent, while Saddam`s dog lept out menacingly and hurled itself at the dachschund. At the last moment, when it seemed that the dachschund would be seized and torn apart it opened its mouth and swallowed Saddam`s dog whole and the contest was over.
As Saddam was escorted off the lottie and George`s supporters cheered, George stood up on his wheelbarrow, held up his arms for silence and said
"This day has seen a great victory for TRUTH, HONESTY AND JUSTICE, and also a great tribute to our wonderful plastic surgeons who made this alligator look like a li`l ole poochy dog"
